If someone is looking to apply Game to his life, what would you identify as the most important change/action to take to get started?I have two answers, one physical and one mental. The single most important physical action is to commit to working out. If you're not working out at least three times a week, you will probably not have the self-confidence or the endorphin flow to maintain any significant Game. Not only will you look better and feel better, but you'll be regularly putting yourself in a "I can do this" frame of mind. A man's mood is heavily dependent upon his level of exercise, so don't even think about trying to master Game if you're not improving your physical fitness.
The most important mental action is to force yourself to see women as they actually are rather than through whatever romantic or idealistic or fearful lens you have constructed over time as a result of your interactions with and imaginations of them. This means no more pedestals, no more rationalizations, no more fantasies, no more silently excusing behavior that you would not accept in anyone with whom you don't wish to have sex.
If she's acting like a bitch, she is, at least in part, a bitch. If she's behaving rudely, she is a boor. If she's arguing nonsensically, she's irrational. Accept it and deal with it according to the principles of Game, don't continue to manufacture a host of reasons why it's okay for her to behave in an otherwise unacceptable manner. And if her behavior merits contempt, don't hesitate to show it. To a certain extent, and allowing for a bit of metaphor, it can reasonably said that men create their women.
If you're not in a relationship, it's even more important to see women as they actually are. Even if she's being pleasant to you at the moment, look very carefully at how she treats those from whom she doesn't want or need anything. That is her true persona.
36 comments:
"Even if she's being pleasant to you at the moment, look very carefully at how she treats those from whom she doesn't want or need anything. That is her true persona."
Heck, see how they treat others that aren't in the room at the time.
Their gossiping is just awful.
I'm still trying to figure if what I witnessed at our "Holiday Luncheon" was indicative of true feelings or just a bunch of two-faced cows going along with a very bitchy herd.
At a Chinese buffet no less... stay classy cow-workers that voted for that location!
If you are single, and want to improve your skills, go out and approach 1000 women. Make a plan to accomplish the goal in a few months.
In the process, read and study game books, systematically adjust your behavior with each approach, hit the gym, all the while working on how to make yourself more interesting by reading books, taking courses, etc.
In 6 months, you'll be above 99.9% of males in your environment in game.
That "I can do this" frame of mind is greatly improved by constantly pursuing incremental gains in the amount of weight lifted. having set goals in the gym and a plan is much more effective than those that just show up and bounce from machine to machine with no discernible direction. And women, ALL Women,love a man with a big chest and shoulders. it's a universal turn-on for them. Any chick that would claim she'd rather her man look soft and weak compared to being muscled is a liar.
"Any chick that would claim she'd rather her man look soft and weak compared to being muscled is a liar."
They do seem to say that a lot, don't they? And even in instances where I would think they have nothing to gain by lying.
Thanks for the response Vox.
Physical, I'm already working on. The only change there is upping it to three times a week, since I usually go twice a week. As for TLM's advice, I'm already working with a trainer to concentrate on the areas I wish to improve.
The mental step is one that took a long time to work through when I started reading up on Game. While it meant letting go of a lot of rosy-eyed views I had about women and admitting some harsh things about myself and past choices, it was also rather liberating. The real trick was not just destroying the pedestals, but to also not jump straight to the other end of the scale and develop a borderline hatred of women in the process.
Is there anything else that you can think of that would fall under starter steps, or is it time to step up to the journeyman level?
And women, ALL Women,love a man with a big chest and shoulders. it's a universal turn-on for them. Any chick that would claim she'd rather her man look soft and weak compared to being muscled is a liar.
I don't know about other women, but when I say I prefer smaller men, what I mean by that is that HUGE chest and shoulders don't do that much for me as I prefer a man who is muscular yet lean. He still has that really nice triangle from shoulders to hips, but he can turn his head because his traps are manageable.
This:
http://www.ayushveda.com/mens-magazine/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/skinybodybuilding.jpg
VS.
this:
http://www.ayushveda.com/dietfitness/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/supplements-body.jpg
My advice? Buy a hat.
Not just any hat. Buy a black fedora, in your size, as good as you can afford. Why, you ask? I'm so glad you asked.
When it comes to Game, merely working out and learning the intricacies of feminine psychology isn't enough. To truly master Game, you have to come to terms with your own masculinity in a culture that has, for two generations, punished everything about masculinity. 9 times out of 10 a dude who's investigating the Red Pill Road for the first time has been so battered and bruised by this environment that even working out and learning when his woman menstruates isn't enough to do the trick.
When it comes to personal transformation, sometimes an exterior symbol can be extremely potent in the process. Consider a military uniform, and how it transforms the behavior and psychology of those who wear it.
Same principal with a black fedora. First of all, they look good on anyone: it's a classic look from one of the last historical periods where unbridled masculinity wasn't merely tolerated, it was admired. Bogey wore a fedora. Indy wore a fedora. Until Kennedy took the Oath of Office bareheaded, it was considered a masculine tradition to wear a hat outdoors, and in its day there was nothing more macho than a fedora.
A fedora makes you look taller, and makes your shoulders look wider. It can hide your expression in a difficult situation. It makes you seem automatically more dangerous and threatening which will affect how others react to you when you wear it. A fedora can be worn in almost any formal occasion and most business occasions. The well-made straw model can be worn in summer or in warmer climes without cooking your head.
But most importantly, a fedora gives you a tangible symbol of your journey you can literally put on and take off. When you're wearing the hat you are reminding yourself that you took the Red Pill, and any special treatment to women in your life is due entirely to either duty or your personal grace, not blanket obligation. It reminds you that you have the potential to be a Bad Ass, and to others you might actually seem frightening.
But most importantly it's a radical departure from the norm, and that's the kind of thing you can use to hang your metaphorical Red Pill hat on. A symbol you can wear that reminds you of your own personal aspirations is a magical helmet of macho. It's helpful in peacocking, if you're on the prowl, and it keeps the rain and the sun off you. Black is a power color, one that people notice and stay aware of. A fedora evokes a specific era and manner of behavior. It makes you more imposing and more noticeable in a crowd.
And if you're in a relationship or marriage already and you're trying to have an affect on your wife or LT girlfriend, suddenly starting to wear a hat -- especially a powerful classic like a black fedora -- is bound to evoke some interest. It might provoke a fight. She might say she doesn't like hats. That she doesn't like you in a hat. That you look stupid or silly in the hat. She'll use it nine different ways to try to shame you or shit-test you into submission.
But don't relent. Wear your damn hat. Because you're a man, you're dangerous, and everyone respects a man in a fedora. If your wife doesn't right away . . . I guarantee it will attract the attention of other women.
But wear the damn hat. Even in your darkest hour, you have that symbol of masculine power to cling to.
"I don't know about other women, but when I say I prefer smaller men, what I mean by that is that HUGE chest and shoulders don't do that much for me as I prefer a man who is muscular yet lean. He still has that really nice triangle from shoulders to hips, but he can turn his head because his traps are manageable."
An excellent example of a woman saying she wants BETA traits because the ALPHA traits are nonverbally assumed.
Fantastic.
Mr Ironwood, although I admit to not having the best knowledge of what is considered fashionable, I find that fedoras aren't that fashionable at all, especially if you're skinny or of a larger-than-average build.
My experience of this comes from seeing the majority of fedora-wearers also sporting long trench coats and longer, greasy hair. Although, that's not to say fedoras can't be pulled off effectively, just that I find them often accompanied by a poor taste in fashion.
Nicholas,
Original quote: "Any chick that would claim she'd rather her man look soft and weak compared to being muscled is a liar."
If either came at hugging a bunny rabbit I would run away screaming.
I was a bit surprised by your first link, Stingray. I can see how NicholasHoltman might be misunderstanding you. Normally you link men like Daniel Craig (I can't remember the one you are most crazy about). Neither of which could be mistaken as BETA.
I was purely posting my preferred body type. Daniel Craig and Zakk Wylde are both extremely attractive (alpha) and I couldn't care less about their body types. I prefer alpha all the way, but if we are simply talking about what I find most pleasing to the eye, I prefer the lean muscular guy over the muscle head every time. Pleasing to the eye is very nearly completely irrelevant when it comes to attraction.
Also, I am looking at below the head only. I did not look at faces when I posted those pictures.
I don't know about the fedora. Have you ever seen a man wearing kilts in "non-kilt" circumstances, like, mowing the grass? You just know he's thinking that everybody who sees him in a kilt is thinking, "There's a man who is confident in his masculinity," when in fact we're all thinking, "There's a dorktool in a kilt." That is, there's more to it than just feeling confident that a change of costume will make you confident.
I couldn't agree with Ian more. My only beef is that it doesn't have to be a fedora. ANY "grown up" hat will do. Every man you see wears a ball cap like a 10 year old kid playing baseball. Wearing a stylish hat sets you apart from the crowd.
I recently purchased an Indiana Jones style fedora from Penman Hats. It's beautiful. I can hear the theme song playing when I wear it. It reminds me that I am no longer a "think first, act later" type of guy but an "actions speak louder than words" man. It really does put you in a different mindset.
It draws attention where ever I go. Now, wearing it with a tee shirt and jeans wouldn't have the same impact. You need a hat that fits your style.
If you are looking for a REAL hat(not just an Indy hat), I can't recommend Penman Hats high enough. He makes them by hand.
Hats?? It's the blind leading the blind over here.
The kind of "game" Vox is talking about is just an intellectual understanding. It will get you nowhere because it doesn't create experiences. Understanding women doesn't mean they suddenly will want to be with you. For that you have to be captivating. If Indiana Jones hats are all you can come up with, you might as well just stay in bed for the day.
Why are you still blathering here?
Get a knowledgeable and *brutally honest* friend to evaluate your everyday demeanor. Have him record you on video if possible. Then have him watch the video with you and point out your three worst behaviors/attitudes - the ones that are causing you the most grief, even if you are unaware of it. It may be body language, speech patterns, dress style, whatever. And then stop doing those things. Getting rid of your negatives will do as much or more for a beginner than trying to emulate positives.
The hat thing is an external item (accessory) as opposed to internal items (behavior/mental). I'm not saying that a hat or other accessory can't or won't help, but it's not some magic item that will cancel out your negatives.
The hat is basically a psychological trick to convince yourself that you really have made a change and committed to it. The way that women cut their hair or dye it different color after a difficult break-up.
Friends of ours, a couple 10 years our junior, came over to exchange gifts the other day. The husband donned his fedora. I gotta say, I liked it. Now, I have to admit, I was already well aware of him being a natural ALPHA. Being the hostess of this get together, I found it quite complimentary that he felt a fedora to be appropriate for the night.
The anti-conformist in me says "Pshaw" to the hat.
Seems hokey to me.
The hat is simple psychology. There are studies that show if you dress up a little before a test, you do better; the professional dress at work seems to make people more productive; that school uniforms seem to effect academic performance. Do you really think the clothes are magical and make this happen? Or is it that the clothes effect the way you perceive yourself and, if only subconsciously, you respond.
Why do you think it would work in all these other areas but NOT when it comes to interpersonal relationships? How can a boost in self confidence be a bad thing?
This doesn't even speak to the fact that a grown up hat makes you stand out from the 1000's of guys wearing ballcaps...especially backwards ballcaps.
The key is it MUST fit your style. This means you have to find what your style is.
DD
I said a hat would be a place to start. I didn't say "Wear a fedora and all your manly dreams will come true." If you look at Game as something more than just a way to trick women into bed and see it as a means of re-building a wounded masculinity, then it means personal transformation.
Personal transformation is hard. It's a lot easier to convince someone else that you've made a change than to convince yourself. Especially in the early days, when you are plagued with doubts and have not yet seen the fruits of your nascent Game, then using every competitive edge at your disposal is Alpha, whereas wondering if people will think you look silly because you wear a hat is . . . not. It's self-consciousness in the service of your self-doubt, not a positive.
A friend of mine is 5'3", but in all other ways a righteous dude when it comes to Game. A fedora gives him an additional 3-4" of height in social situations, which actually attracts some attention. For some guys, that IS magic.
But its real value is not about attention, or peacocking, or height, or anything relating to meeting and impressing women. The goal is to impress yourself by choosing to exercise a manly prerogative that may indeed be seen as unfashionable, un-cool, not hip, atavistic, etc. etc. for no other reason than because you, The Man, has decided to do so. When you're a hopeless Beta struggling to find your nads, being able to make that first step, and then follow it up with a half-dozen more to make some progress, that's invaluable.
So wear the damn hat, if you've got the balls to put your delicate ego out there for someone to judge your fashion sense. Or just buy it and stare at it longingly while you wish your vagina would quit hurting so much. But regardless if you wear it or not, the damn thing will be lurking around your house, reminding you of your higher aspirations and what you should have been doing instead of vegging out in front of the TV after being rejected for sex. And maybe that's enough to kick you in the ass the next day.
Hats, beards and cigars seem to really irritate the anti-Gamites.
NicholasHoltman,
about Stingray's replies.
Notice how I only mentioned big chest and shoulders. She subconsciously amped it up to "huge" chest and shoulders. Your analysis was spot on.
TLM,
You all seem so busy trying to analyze a woman's words you are missing when someone is trying to give you honest insight.
You originally said:
"And women, ALL Women,love a man with a big chest and shoulders. it's a universal turn-on for them. Any chick that would claim she'd rather her man look soft and weak compared to being muscled is a liar."
I assume you were talking about how so many women see muscle heads and go on and on about how that is gross, yes? It's a common thing to hear women say.
To which I responded:
"but when I say I prefer smaller men, what I mean by that is that HUGE chest and shoulders don't do that much for me as I prefer a man who is muscular yet lean."
I am attempting to clarify what I believe women mean when they say these things. I'm no different and I know many, many women who have said the same thing in reaction to what you said. I am simply trying to explain what is going on in our heads. Yeah I amped it up, because that it what all women do when presented with this question. I said what I did very intentionally to demonstrate this.
Stingray, that first photo you linked to - the 'skinny' bodybuilder? He is cut, so he appears smaller than he would normally, but that level of fitness and muscular development will still put him in the top few percent of men. So he only a 'smaller' man in very, very relative terms, which is probably what spawned the misunderstanding.
I don't like much of anything on my head or hands, so hats are only when required. Certainly not "backwards". I tried the beard once and I am not impressed. But then I regularly shave my own head, so I am not looking for the best look. Not bad with my receding forward hairline. I would rather be comfortable than at the tip top of this part of game.
Working on the losing weight part along with highlighting my natural musculature. That is likely of far more value than a hat.
In fact, anything you have to force is inane.
Anonymous,
Yep. Exactly. My point here, that I obviously did a poor job conveying, is that when I say I prefer a smaller man, this is the thought process that I go through. I have had this same exact conversation with many, many women and their thought process is the same. I was pointing out that when we say we prefer smaller men it does not mean soft and weak, it means muscular yet not meat head size.
Again, this has nothing to do with what we are going to find attractive (tingle attractive). That has do with how the man carries himself, how alpha he is.
Anyway, I am in a damned if I do, damned if I don't position here and I am finished.
DaveD has a great point about dress. I would take it a step further and argue that dress and physical fitness help others distinguish between boys and men. Prior to the rise of feminism and subsequent decline in femininity and masculinity, men dressed different from boys. Simple things, like wearing a hat, wearing leather shoes or boots instead of sneakers, avoiding clothing with sports logos, or something as simple as wearing a shirt with a collar and tucking it in makes you stand out because it communicates maturity and confidence. I find it utterly ridiculous that grown men and women, especially in their 30s and 40s, dressing like teenagers. Dress like a man, and you'll act a little more manly and get the kind of treatment a man deserves. Dress like a shlub, and you'll act like a shlub and get treated like one.
"If you are single, and want to improve your skills, go out and approach 1000 women. Make a plan to accomplish the goal in a few months.
...
In 6 months, you'll be above 99.9% of males in your environment in game."
I have recently committed myself to the 100-approach challenge (over a month). It's been a massive gamechanger. Not only has it further opened my eyes to how much opportunity there is out there, it has subtly changed my lifestyle such that I get out more because I have to find places to spend time where I'm going to meet women or I'll never make the metric.
That means more impromptu trips to the grocery store, the bookstore, the gym instead of my living-room workout, longer times out on weekends, putting an extra bar in my barhop.
Of course, that means I'm altering my lifestyle such that I AM more interesting. Funny how that works.
I'm well on pace to make it to 100 but it will cut close. It's amazing to see my friends marvel at me chatting up anything with a vagina in our vicinity, as if it took superhuman moxie to do so.
On hats: I've been donning fedoras recently, starting with a semi-costume outfit a friend helped me put together. My white straw fedora (lost in an encounter with a drunk on the street) was killer.
A good fedora certainly stands out; I advise men start with a narrow brim model as large fedoras can come off like sombreros these days. But they are classy. As someone here said, it's part of the long-begone uniform of masculinity.
Re: Hats
The funny thing is, I've started Game with the decision not to wear one. My advice is to actually do the opposite and have nothing on top of you; that means, shave your head. YMMV, of course.
@demonkoryu:
It's your choice, of course. Some men wear hats to conceal themselves, and doffing it is in their best interest as they take the Red Pill. But all too many fellows don't appreciate the variety of helpful things a hat can do for you. And in this day of CCTV cameras and harsh UV, a hat can have a number of uses. If nothing else, it gives you something to do with your hands. But you're right, YMMV.
1. Work out, ok ive started a few months ago, i totally agree
2. Dont worship women! A terrible sin that i have only recently been able to conquer in my life thanks to God obviously, a good pastor friend who called me on it, and Vox. Thank you.
3. Dont take shit from women, be a man! That also came with number 2.
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