Monday, October 31, 2011

Separating players from gammas

Is it real? Women wrestle with this question all the time. But the answer struck me as I was driving down the road, listening to the greatest rock band of all space and time. The key was to be found in the lyrics of "Round and Separated", which are of course nothing more than the lyrics of "Separate Ways" by Journey.
Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched
And went our separate ways
If he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched
And went our separate ways
Now, this superficially sounds like a love song. It is nothing of the sort, although "love" is referenced or declared no less than 13 times. The singer declares true love, laments how much he will miss the girl, and even strikes an pseudo-protective pose against the possibility that a future lover might wish to hurt her feelings. But - and this is the point - he is moving on nevertheless.

Beneath all the deceit, a fair warning lurks. True love won't desert you... but I am deserting you. This is classic player doubletalk. As Yohami so memorably put it:
I really want you, I want to see the rainbows and our children, lets take this dream home. Love love love.
Now, players aren't the only men who freely talk about love from the very start. Gammas do so as well. Gammas are just as inclined as players to bring up rainbows and children, they will likewise ramble on about "the dream" in the mistaken assumption that it is their willingness to embrace it that women will find attractive. The difference, of course, is that whereas the woman buys into vision that the player paints, she is alarmed by the gamma's.

Hence the easy distinction. If a man is expressing his love inappropriately soon, such as within one month of a first date, he is either a high-ranking player or a low-ranking gamma. If this speedy declaration of love is exciting and pleasing to the woman, he is a player. If it is distressing and troubling to her, he is a gamma. And in neither case should any such declaration be taken seriously.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

I gotta get some sleep before my next shift. Curse you and that blasted Rock Sugar link!! haha

Koanic said...

If he picks you up off a cold approach, he's a PUA or, less likely, a non-PUA player.

JCclimber said...

Sounds like the blessing I bestowed on my first wife with as we split up, and I began transforming out of my delta behaviors.
"Everyone you date will remind you of me. I hope you find someone who will make you happy. They will never compare to me."

I wonder if she has figured out what I meant.

By the way, that song rocks. Both versions. Much better than the bitter Beta anthem "Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'".

VD said...

Sounds like the blessing I bestowed on my first wife with as we split up, and I began transforming out of my delta behaviors.
"Everyone you date will remind you of me. I hope you find someone who will make you happy. They will never compare to me."


I don't think so. That was a very typical gamma move there. That was a classic "you don't realize how good/nice/attractive/good for you I am, but one day you will!" There is bitterness there, not the desire to make a clean getaway.

It's barely a step up from writing her a poem to discover when you're dead. You didn't hope she would be happy, you were trying to make her feel bad, if not now, then one day.

The alpha genuinely wants the women he is dumping to feel good so that they won't be a pain in the ass while he moves on to other women. And, of course, so she'll be receptive to the occasional booty call in case one is desired.

It sounds like you still haven't understood that no one is scoring points for hurtful repartee.

Houston said...

"Gammas are just as inclined as players to bring up rainbows and children, they will likewise ramble on about "the dream" in the mistaken assumption that it is their willingness to embrace it that women will find attractive. The difference, of course, is that whereas the woman buys into vision that the player paints, she is alarmed by the gamma's."

I'm trying to remember when it was, during my childhood, that I first received the lie that women screen men according to niceness and by this standard select the most supplicating gamma. It must have been the Brady Bunch episode where Peter pines for a pretty blonde who rewards him with her company when he vows, "I will treat [you] like a queen." This makes me realize how much of the supposedly innocent, family-friendly entertainment of yore prized by social conservatives was subtly evil and family-wrecking.

JCclimber said...

I realize it was gamma. While I was primarily "delta" in the relationship, there were strong gamma tendencies in play too.

The bitterness faded about as quickly as I was able to pay off our shared credit card debt from financing her college tuition. I admit it was helped enormously when I found out how easy it could be to successfully pick up women who were hotter, smarter, and nicer.

"Blessing" should have included quotations around it. She had foolishly asked me what I thought her chances were going to be on the dating market, as she knew I had a better eye for that kind of thing than she did. She already knew I was arrogant, so I gave that answer.

I hoped she would find someone to make her happy because it would make it easier for the divorce settlement. Years later, after I became a Christian, I hope she really did find someone. Unless I randomly run into her someday, I'll never know. Don't care enough for a simple Google search.

Nate said...

what's so hard to understand? Alphas like women. Gammas hate them.

LP2021 Bank of LP Work in Progress said...

Song lyrics...

Men like women often have boundary issues. Or in the case of women, we say something to test a man and to test him only. Sometimes, in return, the confused man becomes bitter and angry.

Houston said...

"Or in the case of women, we say something to test a man and to test him only. Sometimes, in return, the confused man becomes bitter and angry."
---------------------

This is essentially what killed my in-laws' marriage. Thirty-two years of "testing" until the husband, driven to the brink of screaming insanity, finally called it quits.

Anonymous said...

From The Wallet of Kai Lung

'The uttermost extent of this wildly-hoping person's ambition is that when the incomparably symmetrical Ts'ain learns of the steadfast light of his devotion, she may be inspired to deposit an emblematic chrysanthemum upon his tomb in the Family Temple. For such a reward he will cheerfully devote the unswerving fidelity of a lifetime to her service, not distressing her gentle and retiring nature by the expression of what must inevitably be a hopeless passion, but patiently and uncomplainingly guarding her footsteps as from a distance.'

VD said...

what's so hard to understand? Alphas like women. Gammas hate them.

No, Omegas hate them. Gammas put them on pedestals, but gradually become bitter over time. But they never come to hate them.

physphilmusic said...

Vox, your advice about "cleanly moving on" and not putting women on a pedestal makes sense. Reading bits of this blog (as well as some other blogs on Game) has made my attitude towards women much more cynical and less idealized. However, another thing has also happened - I lost a lot of my drive to compose music. Not that I was a composer of sentimental love songs - I'm a more classical composer - but the mood swings of Gamma pedestalization/hatred were really much more effective in inspiring artistic works. My point is, don't you think that great passionate works of music such as Berlioz's Symphonie Fantastique, or many of the slow movements of Schubert and Beethoven, would never have been composed without a considerable bit of gamma behavior and thinking?

I'm not sure whether what I just written makes sense, but nevertheless, there clearly seems to be a tradeoff, with regards to artistic inspiration (I don't know how true this is with regards to more modern and popular kinds of music though). Like the example about Dante you posted sometime ago.

Doom said...

But - and this is the point - he is moving on nevertheless.

And you know he feels real torn up about it too. Sometimes really, but... nah. Next! Too funny.

And in neither case should any such declaration be taken seriously.

Tell that to women. Or, try. Never mind. Something about leading a mare to water and all that rot. Neighhhhh! What a gas. Sure, some have become slightly jaded. But then it's how you tell the lie and if you have prepared her to agree to believing it or not, not whether you lie. It's the squirrelly never-been-loved before ones you have to watch out for. They rea... REALLY believe. Ugh. Playing with novices is just a pain.

Desert Cat said...

I recall reading quite some time ago that the lead singer for Heart (whatshername) said that she sometimes deliberately sabotaged her relationships in order to inspire the muse that produced her songs.

Probably something to that. I know the best poetry I ever composed years ago was done in the throes of Gamma agony. When I'm happy and balanced, there is...nothing.

Anonymous said...

"Everyone you date will remind you of me. I hope you find someone who will make you happy. They will never compare to me."


When me and mine split. She went into the store where one of my best friends worked and told him "I will never love anyone else like I love 'anonymous'".

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Anonymous said...

Those lyrics seem to tell the tale of a beta getting kicked out of a relationship and into orbit

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