Women seem to have a very hard time understanding why men who are single in their 40s don't tend to prefer dating women who are in their 40s. But even if you are a heterosexual woman, which woman would you find more attractive if you were a man?
This woman? Or this one?
Just how spectacular and scintillating would the conversation have to be for you to prefer the company of the former to the latter? How much education, intelligence, and all-around fabulousness would compensate for the other's youthful pulchritude? The truth is, as even most women would have to admit, is that there is no comparison.
This doesn't mean that men are all inclined to dump their aging wives in favor of younger women; one of the benefits of love is that men are often predisposed to view their wives through a filter of their memory, assuming that she has not changed so dramatically that it is simply not possible. Also, the shared years together can create such a strong bond that even the hottest little swimsuit model could not break it.
But such bonds simply don't exist in the world of single forty-somethings. So, a woman in the position of the "bright, attractive, successful, fabulous", single, and forty-something Ms Pasternak should do what I advise all such women to do. Stop looking at the 40-something men and start looking at the 60-something ones.
19 comments:
Kudos, Vox. A man has plenty of time under normal circumstances to love, cherish, and enjoy an aging woman whose failing “youthful pulchritude” can be well compensated by years of faithful obedience and support. But starting with the aged is just nonsense. If women have a hard time understanding that, it is by reason of the distorted equalitarian lens through which they insist on gazing. But I think the cosmetics industry testifies that women really don’t have a hard time understanding it...only a hard time admitting it out loud.
I think part of the reason is why have spent so much time coddling women, so much time telling them how wonderful they are and how much they deserve, and so much time removing the consequences of their actions that they fail to grasp the simplest of concepts that choosing A means you can't have B.
I learned that in kindergarten. Too bad they no longer teach it in high school or university.
I won't say that older women are out of the running - to me, just turned 48, a 20-year-old is a girl. Pretty, but often both empty-headed and too unsophisticated to get the best performance out of her looks. A 30-somethings who kept her figure often is more attractive.
But there are limits. These women need to look at men who are older...or less attractive. It helps to go where the men are, too. I think modern women are no match for their grandmothers in their ability to "fish for husbands".
@Mike M. said...I think modern women are no match for their grandmothers in their ability to "fish for husbands".
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I think my 90 year old grandmother understand men than 100 modern american women combined.
Funny, just the other day I had a co-worker telling me how her single friend (late 30s) is complaining about this very thing. None of the men her age want her.
Then my friend had the nerve to tell me that I "could not" discriminate against women just because they're too old to give my children. Even knowing the pain she's going through not conceiving via artificial insemination, I couldn't help but laugh when she said that.
I told her my standards are just that: my standards. I will pick and choose among available women according to what I want out of them and no one would tell me different.
Delusions surely do run deep.
"I couldn't help but laugh when she said that. I told her my standards are just that: my standards. I will pick and choose among available women according to what I want out of them and no one would tell me different."
and then she got wet for you...
Great content at AG!
Yep, I noted this at 27 - the men my age were dating younger women. I called it normal, perfectly acceptable. I understand them and respect their choices.
I disagree with "the shared years together can create such a strong bond that even the hottest little swimsuit model could not break it." Maybe if your aging wife is Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Aniston. But every guy would definitely trade-in an average-looking middle-aged wife for a 20 year-old slampiece, if it were a risk-free transaction.
Anon:
and then she got wet for you...
June 19, 2011 5:00 PM
Doubt it. She's married and happily so, it seems.
It just struck me as completely absurd for her to insist that I should accept a barren woman when she's been trying so hard to give her husband a son of his own.
Look: Miley has jokes! Or at least a cynical side that puts mine to shame.
Miley, you're projecting. It is women who are more likely to ditch their spouse once they've grown bored of the marriage.
I don't think these women properly gauged the "cougar" phenomenon. Cougars are pump-and-dumps for younger men, and often for those their own age as well. There was never a serious thought given to creating relationships with these older women. Men of course knew this all along, but it seems these women thought those men they slept with actually LIKED them. So in reality, nothing has changed since her younger days, except she's a lot uglier now and has an avenue to bitch about it.
"Every guy" would not. Miley you underestimate the power of investment. By a huge margin. Vox is right--at least this is true often enough that women would do very well to sit up and take notice that this is very nearly the only way they can avoid the ravages of time on their SMV.
You are right only to the point that the "average" middle-aged American wife has forgotten (or never learned, or has been busy the last thirty years actively suberting) what her grandmother knew about men and women and relationships and how to secure her own future.
The assumption that Ms Pasternak has made any attempt at all to learn how to make good conversation, cook, learn to entertain herself so as to not be a constant time-sink, or do anything at all to increase her relationship value at all is kinda absurd. Oh, perhaps as soon as she REALIZED she had hit the wall, the b*tch, several years after she had hit the wall, dedicated five whole minutes contemplation on how to improve her value to men.... according to what she thinks men want.
Notice there are two problems with this scheme.
1.She has not, by any wild stretch of the imagination, invested any real amount of time in TRYING "to learn to make men happy".
2.She has no real idea, probably including sex, about what ACTUALLY makes men happy.
And yet she has failed. If she were a man, then wouldn't you be mocking her for being an incompetent 'tard?
Her failure means nothing except that she is an incompetent 'tard.
That first woman looks like Tim Curry after having undergone a sex change.
Wrong on so many levels.
@Desert Cat
"Every guy" would not. Miley you underestimate the power of investment. By a huge margin. Vox is right--at least this is true often enough that women would do very well to sit up and take notice that this is very nearly the only way they can avoid the ravages of time on their SMV."
That's why I added the qualifier of "risk-free transaction." Leaving your wife for a younger girl is not a risk-free transaction. People are inherently risk averse, and will forgo a higher expected value/average outcome if it entails a higher degree of risk.
Men in their 60s and 70s even prefer 20s. Its a no-brainer why men in 40s prefer the same.
Regardless of how hot the droolbait is, let's be honest here - the average +40 dude doesn't have much of a chance, unless he's loaded. Game can only take you so far. After that the hair loss and weight gain starts to take over.
That's another factor in sticking around with your wife - apart from the fact that you promised God in front of witnesses that you would :)
It isn't just attraction. Utility plays a part as well. At least as a 40 something considering looking for a wife. I want children and nothing says barren like 40 and female.
There are other problems with 40 year old women. Bed buddy body count, slowing down (and women are already slower in some regards, so a younger wife is about on par to a degree), probably lived a sloppy life and can't change. A young wife, when pregnant, will begin nesting. That is what produces, to my mind, the best housewives. Natural instinct coupled with natural events leads many women to serious housewivery. It can overcome a lot. And 40 year old women can nest no better than men can.
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