Monday, April 18, 2011

Two mints and success

A month ago I met a girl. Cute, fun, and most importantly easy to game. Because of this I made her a long term target. Saturday we had our first date.

To understand the significance of this you have understand how much of an omega I was. I am twenty eight. I have had a total of five dates in my life, and none of them were before I was twenty. Two of those dates were in the past three months (that includes this date). Before that my last date was at the end of 2005. The only girlfriend I ever had dumped me a month after our one and only date, by text. Last, I had never kissed a girl. All of this was not due to shyness, but sheer social ineptitude.

From the moment I met this girl I was used every bit of game I had. I did my absolute best to stay aloof and indifferent. I used kino. I escalated. I teased. With this girl I felt I had a chance as long as I stayed focused and used what I learned. The seduction began to take off by the third time I saw her. I had been reading Roissy that day and I knew that I had to isolate and qualify her. I invited her for a walk away from the group, wondering what the hell I would talk about (I am not a good conversationalist). Thankfully she was a talker. All I had to ask was, "what is your deal?" and she was off.

The answer to that question filled about three fourths of the interaction. Throughout I teased her about her big feet, her talking too much, and how blonde she was. Eventually she lost steam and asked me the same question. I did not have anything clever to say so I responded with, "its complicated."
She continued to press for details so I said, "why is that important for you to know?"
She stopped pressing, but her interest seemed to increase. When we got back to the group she said: "I am going to find out about you, somehow." I was really not trying to use Roissy's lines, I simply could not think of anything else to say.
Back at the group she asked me for a mint. Usually I would just give one away but instead I grinned and said "I don't give away things for free."
"I don't have anything."
"You could owe me" I said
"What would I owe you?"
"A favor."
"Okay." She smiled and I gave her the mint.
Later she asked again and I told her she would have to owe me two favors. She smiled and agreed. I did not see her again for a few weeks. When I did she asked me for my number since she did not have a phone and could use Yahoo messenger to contact me. Two weeks later we set up the date.

The day of the date was warm and I was suffering from a severe case of cabin fever so I opted to go hiking. On the drive to the trail-head I flipped on some music and she began dancing in her seat, and mentioned that she was a professional belly-dancer. I was not paying close attention so I heard "ballet dancer." This was a source of confusion for a few minutes as she pulled up her shirt and showed me the belly-button piercing. I realized later that she was trying to get points for being a dancer and dancing in the car but it misfired because I did not hear her right and was paying close attention to the road. I wonder if I passed through sheer luck.

While in the car I was doing my best to use kino. I escalated during the hike pretending to grab her to throw her off the edge, then pulling away and getting several yards ahead of her on the trail. She would then laugh and get after me.
I had decided long before the date that I was going to try to get a kiss from her. We reached the end of the trail but someone else was making out in the spot I had intended to go to try to get a kiss. We laughed and began heading down. Still determined, I told her there was another spot we could go to. About half-way down the trail there was a stream with a large flat rock in the middle, completely dry. We sat down and she said "so this is the part where I find out that you are a serial killer?"
I knew better than to act put-off by her question so I said "yes, this is that part."
I laid back and enjoyed the sunshine for few minutes preparing to go into Mystery's kiss routine. I sat up with her help (I was on an decline) and got close enough to kiss then pulled away. I was about to say "Do you want to kiss me?" when she said "So do I have to ask?"
"What? to kiss you?" I said, and went for it.

Now I was only going for a kiss, singular, five seconds, tops, but after a minute or two I realized that this was going to last a lot longer than I could have hoped for. I briefly pulled away to ask if we were going to fast. She nodded and we went back to it. A few minutes later I pulled away again and said "I am going to give you a seven." She acted offended for a moment, then laughed and hit me, and we kept going. I knew better than to let her decide when to end it so after about fifteen minutes I pulled away, said "Okay, time to go" and walked off.

On the way down she threw another shit-test my way. She said: "So how many girlfriends have you had?"
"Why is that important for you to know?"
"Because you seem experienced." I had to work very hard to not laugh.
"Enough", I said.
When we reached the end of the trail she looked me in the eyes, asked if I was going to kiss her again, and leaned forward. I pulled back and said "Maybe." She looked slightly disappointed.

Back in the car the shit-tests began in earnest. She asked if the make-out had paid off one of the favors she owed me. I said maybe, and she said that she felt that they should have an expiration date, that they might go rotten. I was not sure what to say so I said nothing. She seemed less than happy with my response.

The next shit-test came at a Starbucks. She ordered coffee. I ordered a Frappucino. I joked that I was getting the girly drink. She latched onto this and made fun of me for being late, ordering a girly drink, and her making the first move. I made it worse by mentioning that I had gone to school for massage therapy, and some of the embarrassing stories from said school. This was a very bad idea. She made fun and said that I seemed like the kind of guy who would go to massage school. I had no idea what to say. Lesson learned, though: I will never bring that detail up again, to any girl, ever. Neither will I use self-deprecating humor. I simply do not have the ALPHA points to spare on stupid mistakes like that.

Later while driving her home she said I was obvious. I was not sure if this was a test so I decided to err on the side of caution and agreed and amplified. She laughed. I knew I was in a bad position so I began to be very careful with my responses; if it even had a hint of a test about it I agreed and amplified. I could not let my guard down and say something stupid again.
I mentioned that I was taking marital arts in an attempt to regain some ground (partially true, I took some classes recently) and she seemed to perk up and asked some questions. I sold it as best I could and I felt a little better.

At the end I said I had fun, and she said she would like to do it again, but did not seem as enthusiastic as I hoped. I am somewhat hopeful for another date, but I do not expect much. If anything, I learned a great deal, and I will make far fewer mistakes next time, whether with this girl or another.

One thing that surprised me: I knew that girls would shit test a guy, but I had no idea that it would be so often. I suppose it was my own fault that there were so many, but I could not help but be surprised.

Most importantly I found that game works. Whether in success or in failure it was like I had Roissy's voice in my head providing commentary on everything I did. I was able to see the theory in action. Nothing happened that did not fit into game theory. I have always believed that game worked, but this time it actually had results. I made a lot of mistakes but for a previously hopeless omega, I feel pretty damn good.


JCclimber said...

Congratulations! I see that you've captured the key points yourself. And I think you know why the tests came so often, it wasn't only because you set yourself up for them, but also because she was putting up some defenses.

And assume that she'll want a second date. You're still a mystery to her that needs solving.

Remember to laugh when she throws some of the more obvious tests at you. At least grin. Asking you if the kiss worked off the favor, stick with your rating of "7" and tell her it was 70% worked off.

Johnny Caustic said...

Very nice work. Pat yourself on the back.

I wasn't there, so I could be wrong, but here's my guess for why she got bitchy: you didn't keep escalating.

It took me a long time to realize I was losing girls' interest by not taking them as far as they wanted to go. Sometimes you can even lose a girl by not having sex on the first date. Women can be downright furious when they want it and don't get it.

And even women who don't want to go all the way sometimes like to feel that they could have.

YOHAMI said...

kudos for having a date, now:

its a lot of shit testing? then you´re failing them all

she put you in the defensive frame, so you paid extra attention to how to pass these tests: wrong!

Im sure you know by now you have to be out of your mind and unreactive to her. make her react to you

never use self deprecating humor. make the humor about her

I left you a big comment a few threads ago about how to handle this jump. dates like this wont count that much for your progress because girls will continue to put it harder for you

makes sense? all the shit shes having you deal with, you wont have to if you go around and up the status part first

then you can learn by reflection and not by bouncing

Anonymous said...

Awesome work. The first steps are the hardest.

The LP 999/Linda said...

'I made a lot of mistakes but for a previously hopeless omega, See there is hope'. I wish you luck and don't get down on yourself.

Joseph Dantes said...

This was a good post.

I don't really agree with the advice from the first 3 commenters.

I would advise the following:
1. Don't analyze this experience
2. Immerse yourself in these types of experiences, with higher frequency and intensity
3. Continue exposing yourself to Game material.

You're calibrating rapidly at an unconscious level, and analytical introspection will get in the way of that. You need immersion. And appreciation. Not self-flagellation, not self-evaluation.

That's the problem with taking the advice above, good or bad, tailored to this experience. You'll be thinking, "I did this wrong last time, let's do it differently this time." That's a logical, negative mindset.

One of the greatest dangers you face is that the energy expenditure required to continue "sarging" will be too great for your introverted nature. Therefore you will not sarge frequently enough to sustain momentum, yet you will expect and be disappointed when you do not attain success equal to your peak performances, or fail to see steady improvement. Then you'll gradually fall away and quit. (Fortunately you have this blog as an exogenous spur to action, which alone greatly improves your odds of persisting to success.)

Avoiding rational analysis of these experiences greatly reduces their cost in introversion energy expenditure. Try to get into a more feeling, extroverted, intuitive mode about it.

Also, at this stage, your potential rate of improvement through unconscious calibration so vastly exceeds the potential for improvement through rational analysis, that the latter isn't worth it.

It's like fixing acne. Someone who has one pimple can afford to pop it. Someone whose face is covered had better use a topical cream.

You can shorten up your entire story to the following:
Part I: You outshine enough other men by means of synthetic alpha behaviors to progress to makeout
Part II: Her defenses start blaring due to accumulated incongruence, miscalibration and BETA-ness

At this point, the whole problem of part II is too nebulous and extensive to be fixed by analyzing any particular move. But the 3 steps I offered above will gradually help it fade.

The Deuce said...

Back in the car the shit-tests began in earnest. She asked if the make-out had paid off one of the favors she owed me. I said maybe

A better answer would have been to tell her that, on the contrary, getting to make out with a guy like you just means that she now owes you a 3rd favor. The frame should always be that *she's* the one getting a great deal in you deigning to give her the time of day.

dreadpiratk said...

I'm no expert on Game, so I won't comment about that, but here's what stood out for me:

"Eventually she lost steam and asked me the same question. I did not have anything clever to say so I responded with, "its complicated."

Seems to me being aloof and mysterious works when there's something you're actually withholding. When you have your dragons lined up to slay, when you're set on you're adventure, and she hasn't proven worthy to even be told about it yet, that works. not so much when you're just covering up a lack of anything to say.

Seems to me that working on filling in that blank for yourself without reference to women would be the best thing you cold do for yourself.

I commend you for doing well. Most Omega/gamma's would fall head over heals on their first kiss/make-out with a woman, and game would go out the window.

Vox said...

Well done. I would go so far as to say very well done. You should be extremely pleased with your progress.

Don't fret about the mistakes at all, just note them, figure out what the correct response would have been, and avoid/apply as appropriate the next time. Don't start developing Oneitis just because things went well; remember, this is the equivalent of your first junior high date. Don't be a rush to reach the full sexual level.

Vox said...

I should also add that Johnny Caustic is probably correct. She likely felt a little let-down because you did not continue escalating when she was expecting you to do so. Remember that if you are on a second date with her; she apparently believes you are much more experienced than you are and her reference to that was your signal to push further on.

Of course, it's completely understandable that you were completely occupied with not reacting to such a complete misconception and so failed to recognize and respond to it.

RM said...

Thanks for the encouragement everybody.
@Yohami: You are correct, the defensive mode was a mistake, and I was thinking too much once the tests began. I figured out real fast the self-deprecating humor is a bad idea. I am going to read your comment again and see how it applies. I do know that real status would be a great asset. Thanks.

@Joseph Dantes: I can't avoid analysis, it is the bane of a smart person, I can't turn it off. However, your point about immersion makes a great deal of sense, like learning a new language the more you are exposed the more your sub-conscious has to work with as you learn.

@The Deuce: I love this suggestion. At our next date/make-out I am totally going to use it.

With success I now have an incentive to do more than just game. I am going to begin working on real status markers, i.e. martial arts, guitar, etc. I also need to get out and meet more girls, I feel the onset of Oneitis already and I need to nip it in the bud.

Lurky the Lurker said...

Your next goal is to find one actually worth this kind of effort.

Joseph Dantes said...

"I can't avoid analysis, it is the bane of a smart person,"

Yeah, that's why I invented Koanic Soul, but there's plenty out there about being in the moment and whatnot.

And Vox and everyone else who said that failure to escalate / excessive aloofness at the critical point was correct, as far as one can analyze the situation from your account of it.

YOHAMI said...

Avoid the status thing:

when you´re PERCEIVED to be higher status is when everyone is going to put it easy

You can be perceived as higher status because you feel so damn good and proud it reflects

Or it can be because of the role you exec

See, you go go learn guitar, etc, it wont matter AT ALL until you get to the point you´re playing in front of people. And then it wont matter that much either unless everyone went to that place to see you exclusively

So if you enroll in activities (which is good) make a distinction on the stuff you do for grow and the stuff you do for gathering social skills and power.

There are so many opportunities for being the center of power.

Make parties. Organize events. Make stuff happen. Connect other people together. Put yourself in the center. Even with something as stupid as having a small RPG party at home, the role you exec will make everyone treat you with deference. When they do, accept and amplify, and be generous like you have the world to spare: but never compensating for what you´re receiving.

Give back but dont pay

Dont make it about oh how good you are because of the stuff you do. Do stuff because you´re good.

And back to the point. I realize you´re old and this shit is new, so probably much of what Im saying dont make sense.

Put yourself in a position of status. It doesnt have to be earned. It just has to be executed.

Whenever theres a doubt about whos the leader, the boss, the one in charge, assume that role, fill that void, be the one.

There are so many traps anyway. Dont be the one doing stuff for others. In all these occasions, you have to be the center of everything.

Pablo said...

I think you did great with your first gaming, especially the part where the shit tests came and you kept your focus instead of panicking. Sure you could have done some things better but overall you did very well.

Keep it up!

Juhana said...

Very cool, man. Keep up the good work. Sounds like you'll find a good balance between learning from and yet not overanalyzing.

Continue to become a better, more attractive man in every area of your life and a lot of Game will take care of itself.

Robert_Lee said...

RM - If "smart bane" is your frame, then view this one experience as the breakthrough read of a refreshingly interesting novel. Illuminating, yet there are so many other good books to consume when moving forward to expand your intellect. There'll always be more on the shelf to pull down and open up.

black said...

Yohami, nice stuff.

I'm saving that shit for my boys... in another 10 years.

DrTorch said...

Good post, and congrats.

Several good comments, but let me add this: massage therapy is a GREAT via for escalating. Just skip the self-deprecation. Don't be embarassed, don't vow not to mention it again...that's the omega speaking. Be an alpha, be proud of this. It's who you are and makes you more interesting.

If there's a lesson to take away, it's not just that game works, it's that you have game. Be proud of your pursuits and accomplishments.

kh123 said...

Agreed w/ Torch. Be proud of your resume.

Good job, sir.

kh123 said...

...And thinking about what the other commentators said about immersion: Playing the role, or being the role? I think there's a difference, and the more one plays the part, the more one is, etc, until it's not an attempt anymore but second (or primary) nature.

The self-deprecation of embarrassing stories. Yeah, that's a tricky one at times. If she graduates to being someone who's earned that kind of trust to be shown a peek of the dirty underwear, (taking a page from Torch again), just be proud of the resume - state it with story teller confidence. If it's a "Hell yes that was embarrassing!", the way you carry yourself in telling it adds the self-assured "However...". Again, be proud of the portfolio if they've earned the chance to review.

And of course, put the best of your life on display first.

All the best on your future pursuits.

Ben said...

I find it odd that you mention your dismal dating history in this post, yet in one of the early posts on this blog you claimed to have a fiancee. What's up with that?

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