Observing an ALPHA in the wild is fascinating:
Yesterday I was visiting with a group of friends. All of them were married and about a decade older than me. There were three couples and myself. They were all Christian.
We were discussing relationships and how marriages work, which seems to come up a lot when I am answering questions about my polygamist background. At some point one of the women mentioned that she thought that there was a sixth love language: she said she felt loved when her husband was sarcastic with her. This immediately caught my attention and I pressed for details. She explained that if her husband did not tease and make fun of her she felt like he was ignoring her. She said his teasing included comments like: "you look fat in that" or "you're going out in those shoes?" If someone complimented her in his presence he would take their compliment, turn it around, and tease her about it for days. His daughter joined in and confirmed what her mother was saying. The wife said she would also tease back and make fun of her husband, turning the interaction into playful banter. Yet she knew that certain things were off limits since he did have insecurities. A lesser man may have been upset if his wife said he had insecurities but this guy seemed totally unaffected. If I was so ALPHA that my wife no longer felt the need to shit test me I suppose people talking about my insecurities would have no effect on me either.
In the past I would have wondered how they could get away with being rude and sarcastic to each other, but from what I have learned from game I could tell that they were doing exactly what they should. He was negging/teasing his wife on a regular basis, and she toned down her shit tests, possibly because he acted ALPHA the majority of the time. What really struck me though was that they consciously knew what they were doing and could talk about it clearly. They used different terms but it was as if they made a habit of reading Roissy or Athol Kay. I was impressed.
The reaction of the other two men in the conversation was not so positive as mine. One said that he could only stand so much sarcasm before he had to leave a conversation, while his wife loved being sarcastic. I wondered how she would respond if her husband began being sarcastic back? The other said he could never get away with being sarcastic with his wife. She was too sensitive. I found it somewhat strange that one of the men in the group could tease his wife, and his daughters, and have them see it as love, and the other men were either afraid or very uncomfortable with the idea. I wondered how good their marriages were. I wish I could have told them about game, but based on past experience most men simply dismiss it out of hand, so I said nothing.
This ALPHA did not say much, he simply smiled calmly, while his wife and daughter were radiating happiness when they talked about him. I suspect that he had very little reason to speak up: why talk when you have everything important figured out?