Monday, April 4, 2011

Sarcasm: The sixth love language

Observing an ALPHA in the wild is fascinating:

Yesterday I was visiting with a group of friends. All of them were married and about a decade older than me. There were three couples and myself. They were all Christian.

We were discussing relationships and how marriages work, which seems to come up a lot when I am answering questions about my polygamist background. At some point one of the women mentioned that she thought that there was a sixth love language: she said she felt loved when her husband was sarcastic with her. This immediately caught my attention and I pressed for details. She explained that if her husband did not tease and make fun of her she felt like he was ignoring her. She said his teasing included comments like: "you look fat in that" or "you're going out in those shoes?" If someone complimented her in his presence he would take their compliment, turn it around, and tease her about it for days. His daughter joined in and confirmed what her mother was saying. The wife said she would also tease back and make fun of her husband, turning the interaction into playful banter. Yet she knew that certain things were off limits since he did have insecurities. A lesser man may have been upset if his wife said he had insecurities but this guy seemed totally unaffected. If I was so ALPHA that my wife no longer felt the need to shit test me I suppose people talking about my insecurities would have no effect on me either.

In the past I would have wondered how they could get away with being rude and sarcastic to each other, but from what I have learned from game I could tell that they were doing exactly what they should. He was negging/teasing his wife on a regular basis, and she toned down her shit tests, possibly because he acted ALPHA the majority of the time. What really struck me though was that they consciously knew what they were doing and could talk about it clearly. They used different terms but it was as if they made a habit of reading Roissy or Athol Kay. I was impressed.

The reaction of the other two men in the conversation was not so positive as mine. One said that he could only stand so much sarcasm before he had to leave a conversation, while his wife loved being sarcastic. I wondered how she would respond if her husband began being sarcastic back? The other said he could never get away with being sarcastic with his wife. She was too sensitive. I found it somewhat strange that one of the men in the group could tease his wife, and his daughters, and have them see it as love, and the other men were either afraid or very uncomfortable with the idea. I wondered how good their marriages were. I wish I could have told them about game, but based on past experience most men simply dismiss it out of hand, so I said nothing.

This ALPHA did not say much, he simply smiled calmly, while his wife and daughter were radiating happiness when they talked about him. I suspect that he had very little reason to speak up: why talk when you have everything important figured out?

14 comments:

stg58 said...

I tease my wife and her friends non stop. Great fun. I bought one of those hats Will Ferrell was wearing in the SNL commercial that say "I'm #1". I like to wear it often, it really drives her crazy. She has the strongest eye muscles in two counties.

SarahsDaughter said...

Sarcasm and the correct response to it is hugely important to a marriage and to bringing up girls. If you can root out sensitivity in your daughters, you've done well to prepare them for life.
Sarcasm, correctly applied, creates laughter, lightheartedness, and among couples; cries of "you're so bad," batted eyelashes, and great sex.
It’s a terrific indicator of a successful relationship. If you can get your partner to exclaim “f-you” or “shut up” while slapping their ass, after a sarcastic remark, you’re doing great! When other couples around you don’t have that measure of success yet, it leaves them wondering what on earth is going on but the sexual aura of it makes them want what you’ve got.

SarahsDaughter said...

To add, I was brought up well with it. Every new pair of shoes I bought had my dad asking me: "Do you still have to wear those after your feet get better?" Or after primping for hours and presenting myself for that "ta da" moment, he'd say, "what'd you do to your hair?" Then he'd laugh heartily and gently smack the back side of my head.

bevis said...

liar

ox said...

Ditto on the low level sarc but it has limits. It speaks of the greater depths of conversation and can be understood on that level. We always keep in mind that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks and some people need to be kept tame. Without this they feel insecure. This is much more evident in cultures where duplicity of tongue is the norm. It is a gentle way of saying whose who in the relationship and can really sharpen whit.

Wondering Goym said...

Interesting post. Thanks for sharing, RM.

I think it's worth noting there's something else at work here; strength of character. Life and love aren't always easy or satisfying. Someone that can take your soft barbs without flinching is someone that will more likely have the strength to take the poison arrows coming down when the fertilizer hits the oscillator.

The LP 999/Linda said...

Too cute! Cool post :)

Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life said...

Speak my name and I shall appear!

I do exactly the same light teasing routine endlessly with Jennifer. Just imagine stroking a cats fur the wrong way for a bit, then you stroke it back the right way.

Tease then kiss and a quick cuddle. That's about 50% of Game right there.

Anonymous said...

There are four distinct personality types, of which every person has a main one and a secondary one mixed in (from mom and dad). Everyone is NOT the same, and these personality types CANNOT be erased. They are innate, and inherited like hair or eye color. What some will tolerate others will not, ever, under any circumstances. The application of one-size-fits-all generalities of behavior between men all men and all women is a risky place to go, without taking account of personality types.

SarahsDaughter said...

That may be true. Being that I'm 100% Choleric with no variance on any test I've taken, sarcasm and dry wit are very important to my relationships. (And all other personality types are wrong...Ha)

Anonymous said...

The sarcasm/negging only works well if the husband wife are of similar rank. If the wife is a 5 and the husband is an 8 and he's sarcastic and negs her, she really will be too sensative because she knows how much better he could do and that would destroy any comfort she had in the relationship. Read how Roissy talks about how to game when "slumming" down to a lower ranked woman. So the one who says his wife is too sensative could very well be gaming correctly. But the guy who could only stand so much sarcasm and his wife is sarcastic a lot; he should start some serious game going. His relationship is likely in trouble.

MitTron 3000 said...

At some point one of the women mentioned that she thought that there was a sixth love language: she said she felt loved when her husband was sarcastic with her. This immediately caught my attention and I pressed for details. She explained that if her husband did not tease and make fun of her she felt like he was ignoring her. She said his teasing included comments like: "you look fat in that" or "you're going out in those shoes?" If someone complimented her in his presence he would take their compliment, turn it around, and tease her about it for days.

Sounds like you friend is a serious douchebag. Punch him in the balls for me next time you see him.

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