Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Winning the No-Win Game

Now, I absolutely love no-win situations. This may explain why I tend to find women relatively easy to deal with, since the conventional female power play is to attempt to put the other party in a no-win situation, at which point the other party is supposed to turn to the woman and submissively ask her for direction. This behavior tends to confuse most men, since they don't understand why the woman doesn't simply ask for what she wants in the first place when he has already signaled that he is willing, perhaps even eager, to please her.

What these men are leaving out of the equation is that the No-Win Game allows the woman to get what she wants and also gives her the sense of being in control of the relationship. If she asks for what she wants and then receives it, that makes her a supplicant and forces her to bear the dreadful burden of being appropriately grateful to the person who granted her request. If, however, she plays the No-Win Game successfully, she not only assumes a position of control over the other individual, but also removes herself any obligation to feel grateful to the other person. She is now providing the answer, not the request. She is the problem-solver... and it is to be left unmentioned that she created the problem in the first place. This is classic ordo ab chao manipulation.

It all comes back to female solipsism. Most women are less grateful than Charles DeGaulle or Camillo Cavour, both of whom are said to have declared how their nations would astonish the world with their ingratitude towards their foreign benefactors. Women absolutely hate feeling materially obligated to anyone - witness yesterday's post, for example - and they will go to much further lengths than most men imagine to avoid it. Throw in the dark Machiavellian pleasures of manipulation and the heady feeling of relationship hand, and it's not hard to understand why the No-Win Game is such a go-to tactic in the female playbook.

And yet, the No-Win Game is more easily countered than Darth Hoody shutting down The Miracle of Tebow. Consider this. If you happen to find yourself in a no-win situation, then what difference does it make which option you choose? Either way you lose, right? This means it makes absolutely no difference what you do! Therefore, a more useful way to look at the No-Win Game is to think of it as Carte Blanche instead. Ironically, once a woman has successfully maneuvered you into a no-win situation, she has granted you the unrestricted freedom to act at your own discretion. The game is flipped. Chao ab ordo. Remember that control freaks, by definition, cannot handle chaos, which means their manipulative machinations can be disrupted easily, either directly or indirectly, at will. Anything you do that is outside the script is almost guaranteed to produce better results than obediently falling in line with it.

What got me thinking about this was the unconscious attempt of one of Badger's readers to create a no-win situation with regards to what Badger refers to as "plate theory". Juxtapose these two statements from the same individual and figure out how men are supposed to balance them:
1. "I always notice the reactions to rejection, whether it was a playful one to slow him down, or a REAL one. The last reaction you wrote about, the calm, is incredibly appealing. It comes across confident & can make a woman feel like the guy really wants her (since he persists, despite her resistance) and he doesn’t give up that easily."

2. "Wow.. For some reason, I found Mike C’s comments really distasteful… I have no use for men with “spinning plates”
In other words, she finds the ends "incredibly appealing" but she finds the means "really distasteful" and claims that she has no use for men who accomplish those ends through such means. The problem, of course, is that it is very, very difficult, and for most men, impossible, to achieve such desirable ends through any other means. While there are certainly men who could meet sexual rejection while in a completely celibate state with zen-like indifference, Tibetan monks are seldom known to hit on Western women.

If we apply the concepts laid out above, the solution is obvious. A no-win situation has been constructed, therefore carte blanche applies. The correct thing to do is to apply the means and achieve the desired end without informing the woman of the means utilized. There is no need to lie or be dishonest, as that would be counterproductive. Simply don't talk about the means and don't offer any explanations for them or answer any questions about them. And even if one is subjected to the third degree and pinned down, carte blanche still applies. By setting up a No-Win Game, she is quite literally requiring that men lie to her.*

The confident calm that is more accurately described as indifference comes only from having options, and more importantly, knowing that you have them. This is just one of the many applications of how you can play Carte Blanche to win the No-Win Game. The downside, of course, is that if you are involved with a sufficiently intelligent and self-interested woman, she will soon begin to grasp how Carte Blanche works and you will run the risk of finding yourself in an adult relationship where requests are communicated in a direct manner, mutual obligations are established and respected, and you no longer have the freedom to do whatever you please whenever you like.


*With regards to the moral aspects of telling the truth that could be raised, my answer is that we are so far outside the limits of morality here that it would be nonsensical to attempt to bring them into the discussion at this point. In demanding the sort of interest that can only come from sexually incontinent men, to say nothing of indicating her own intention to engage in pre-marital sex, there is no room for morality in this discussion. This, of course, is why those who dabble in immorality are always bound to be trampled by those who are rationally amoral.

22 comments:

AJ said...

"and you will run the risk of finding yourself in an adult relationship where requests are communicated in a direct manner, mutual obligations are established and respected, and you no longer have the freedom to do whatever you please whenever you like."

Teh horror!

Eric Mueller said...

Wish I knew why I never thought of that before. I should know the only way to beat a no-win scenario is to cheat.

Vox said...

There is no cheating when the game isn't fair.

Anonymous said...

"...
If, however, she plays the No-Win Game successfully, she not only assumes a position of control over the other individual, but also removes herself any obligation to feel grateful to the other person. She is now providing the answer, not the request. She is the problem-solver... and it is to be left unmentioned that she created the problem in the first place. This is classic ordo ab chao manipulation.
..."



So the pointy headed powers that be are a bunch solipsistic bastards that solve their problems like women. Who would have guessed that? Snicker

Athor Pel

Ian Ironwood said...

I like this. The "Kobyashi-Maru" situation, in which the parameters of the exercise demand the only winning scenario is one in which the parameters of the exercise are changed . . . to put it in Nerdspeak.

"So, can I call you some time?"

"I only date nice men," (soft rejection requiring the man to declare himself "nice", and therefore willing to be controlled, or declare himself "not nice" and reveal himself either as a Bad Boy or a Douchebag, setting him up for a second, harder rejection)

"The reason I wanted to call you is so that you could set me up with your friend, over there. She's been flirting with me all night, and she looks like she has some girlfriend potential. You 'hefty' girls usually do that sort of thing for your pretty friends, right?" (Reframing the parameters of the exercise beyond the scope of her original response, in effect depriving her of leverage in the conversation and punishing her gently for her rejection).

Fascinating. Any other good examples, fellas?

Badger said...

Thanks for the link love. I have to say I hadn't considered that particular aspect of Cadence's comments, that she is attracted to a man who doesn't care if she rejects him but objects to a man dating multiple women so as to effect the outcome independence.

I suppose I've just become numb to the phenomenon that women want men to be strong, confident, and unbowed in the face of rejection, but are disgusted by the idea that men would actually practice those skills. It's a bit like not wanting to see your sausage being made.

Talking about the general young-female population, there's also something vaguely sadistic about demanding that a man go out and get rejected dozens of times before she'll judge him "calm" enough to be attractive to her. If young women only want men who are totally stone-cold (and these are the demands often articulated by women at HUS with the contradictory caveat "once we're together then he can open his emotional side") they are going to select for, and create a market for, sociopathic players and heavy-duty PUAs at the expense of regular dudes who feel some pain when they get rejected.

Artists know this; people want to see you unveil your painting or sing on stage, but seeing you practice your guitar, or sketch out twelve drafts of your portrait, somehow takes the magic away from the end product.

I've noticed that women today are very heavy on expecting "authenticity," (they want a guy to just "be" that way instead of work to get there). It's the old "real men don't need to learn game to get girls." Which paradoxically just incentivizes men to fake the authenticity.

Anonymous said...

There is no cheating when the game isn't fair.

This deserves to be framed.

Vox said...

If young women only want men who are totally stone-cold they are going to select for, and create a market for, sociopathic players and heavy-duty PUAs at the expense of regular dudes who feel some pain when they get rejected.

Bingo. I tend to view it as a means of rationalizing their instinctive sexual preference for the arrogant and emotionally insensitive men that they perceive as "confident". BDSM would not exist as a fetish if women didn't find cruelty to be a turn-on.

As an experiment, try telling a woman you've just met that you're a Cruelty Artist sometime. You can actually see their eyes go cloudy with fascination.

Anonymous said...

"The downside, of course, is that if you are involved with a sufficiently intelligent and self-interested woman, she will soon begin to grasp how Carte Blanche works and you will run the risk of finding yourself in an adult relationship where requests are communicated in a direct manner, mutual obligations are established and respected, and you no longer have the freedom to do whatever you please whenever you like."

Hehe! Especially if your wife happens to stumble on blogs like this and flips the script herself :)

Seriously though, if you are Christian man married to a Christian women who is doing this...what recourse do you have? I mean, it would seem that you can only start gaming her?

Carlotta

Stingray said...

I don't think woman actually want a man to be cruel. It goes back to that post Vox wrote yesterday at Vox Populi. Women on the cruise ship want everything. They want to be on equal footing and also want to be put first in in the life boat in a dangerous situation. It is the same here.

Women want a "confident" man who knows when to be kind and when to be cruel. They want the man they perceive from the 1950's and can't except that the teachings of feminism have made this type of man incredibly rare. Women can't except that they can't have the ideal man and the career and the ability to do what feels so good. This is why you see so many 40 year old spinsters lamenting "Where have all the good man gone?"

This girl finds it "distasteful" that men are spinning plates because in her world men should be all that the 50"s man was perceived to be (virtuous while courting, confident and debonaire, aloof when necessary, etc) and he should be understanding that she will work, not watch the kids, she will always get her way while he is still dominate, etc. After all, we are talking about that race of women who deserve and are entitled to it all.

Now that women are not finding these men, they are settling for the cruel and arrogant because these are the qualities the most dominate men now possess in this new found utopia that feminism has created.

Yohami said...

Oh boy. This is so on point. We can sum
that all negging, all shit-testing, any desire expressed from a negative frame is a no-win situation.

I always say "shit tests" are not tests, but just shitty attempts to gain control, so I kind of knew this.

Still, the no-win concept opened a few new things for me. Thanks.

Vox said...

I don't think woman actually want a man to be cruel.

You're not understanding the point here. "Confidence" is an acceptable code word for what women find attractive. It's a rationalization, Whether women "actually want a man to be cruel" or not, they do find cruel men to be sexually attractive. It's not a rational, considered thing, so you can't look at it that way.

The Marquis de Sade was, and is, considered sexy primarily because he was cruel. He certainly wasn't handsome.

Women may consciously recoil from cruel men, but they also instinctively respond to them on a less rational level.

Vox said...

Still, the no-win concept opened a few new things for me. Thanks.

You're welcome. I owed you for "let's bring this dream home" anyhow. That one still makes me laugh.

Keoni Galt said...

In other words...

"Damned if you do, damned if you don't?"

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

indyguy77@work said...

I know I'm not all here today, but I think I'm missing something with all the links / references to other blogs.

To which "no win" scenario are you referring, Vox?

Anonymous said...

Can you give a couple of examples of a no win situation and the correct answers please ?

Giraffe said...

To which "no win" scenario are you referring, Vox?

The woman found the way a confident man reacted to rejection attractive. The man stated his confidence came from plate spinning, (keeping more than one sexual relationship at once). She found that distasteful.

Essentially the man found a hack to get in her pants. She doesn't think that's fair.

indyguy77@work said...

OK, so this isn't actually the same guy and it's just a hypothetical. I think that's from where my confusion was arising.

Sasha said...

Majority of women want the sausage but don't want to see the insides of the sausage factory.

There are a few who are not only interested in the process of preparation but also in occasional production. Those are the only one's I'd spend time with.

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