Thursday, July 24, 2014

Alpha Mail: a similar problem

From the inbox:
I have been married for [a few] years. I have [multiple] children with my wife who it is relevant to mention is [Asian]. We live in [the Asian country].

As far as my rank on the Game scale goes, I'd say I have a lot of gamma tendencies which were probably at their worst during high school and my early years of university. All the sort of behavior that I later learned women find unattractive was exactly the way I would act. I changed as I grew up and I lost weight, was introduced to Game, got a bit more confident and things improved. I think it is important I mention this past though because I probably display these tendencies more since marriage.

After I'd begun dating my wife one of the first things she mentioned was how I had ignored her the first time we met - something I noted as a sign of improved Game. We were fine when we dating and had a good sex life and both of us would initiate intimacy and we both usually reciprocated. This was healthy but our first year was turbulent for other reasons largely related to money. Since our first child, my wife has generally not initiated intimacy and when she didn't refuse, she became a lot more mechanical and treated it like an inconvenience. It continued on well after the birth and after our child became easier to manage.

She made the same sort of excuses mentioned by the spreadsheet man. She was tired, didn't feel like it, was sick and often stomach pains were the excuse. When I get angry or frustrated she will actually tell me I should just masturbate. She once suggested I'm treating her like a prostitute and she has also broken down with water-works when pushed. This is now just as bad after our second child was born. I should add that even her desire for a second child wasn't matched by much sexual desire towards me.

When she does reluctantly become intimate she avoids kissing me, letting me touch her breasts and sometimes keeps herself partially clothed. She more importantly doesn't seem to enjoy it and I''m not selfish or quick with her or. This has frustrated me because it is sometimes weeks or months between encounters and even when she does reluctantly do it, she is as described. Recently she's also been going to sleep early on days where we planned (around children) to be intimate.

Now since we've been married I have generally maintained a good weight, I don't drunkenly try to mount her or force her in any way. I have been given signals and even hit on by other women when at other social events, whether with friends or work related. I have always refused these advances without a thought or avoided flirting back. I naturally want the marriage to work especially with children and not a chance in hell of keeping them under the [Asian country's] legal system.

I have gone about things a few ways, I have told her explicitly that I can get what I want somewhere else if she won't. She was previously jealous of other female co-workers and friends - especially before marriage. She has responded to such suggestions by telling me I would "lose everything" if I ever did while maintaining a cold shoulder towards me.

The above was a bluff of course. I don't want to cheat on her and I would be wrong if I did but I have recently been very tempted. She still maintains the same cold attitude and I have recently been hit on by someone I am attracted to. Nonetheless I've resisted these advances but I would be lying if I didn't admit to being tempted. And this is what really worries me because I am tempted by female advances where I wasn't before. I could live with my lackluster sex life before by telling myself that the children should come first and adultery is adultery however I try to rationalize it. But as you can imagine, I am at the very least reluctant to stay married to her once my children reach maturity no matter how much it ends up costing me to leave.

The only things I can think to add are that she also belittles me, telling me I'm lazy even though I work full-time and recently got promoted. She constantly holds the children up as threats and associates not obeying her wishes as somehow not caring about the children. She plays my older child against me sometimes telling me I scare him when I am angry to her. She also uses them as excuses for not feeling like sex. A lot of our marital problems can be blamed on the lack of money flow but I don't much feel like getting more liquidity for someone that treats me like she does. Living where we live and her reluctance to move also make this a bigger problem. And despite this, we are actually quite comfortable and not lacking for anything generally speaking.
This debacle illustrates the central problem with marriage 2.0. The man simply lacks any material leverage, while the woman has the entire power of the state at her back. And unfortunately, while most women prefer to be at least a little circumspect about resorting to the leverage this gives them, the wife openly revels in her dominant position in the marriage. My strong suspicion is that she married him to avoid being married to a dominant man of her own culture and since the novelty and imagined status of the Westerner has worn off, she really doesn't want to be married to him anymore.

There are two things to keep in mind here. First, not all marital problems can be solved. Second, all strategies for addressing and attempting to solve marital problems have to be viewed in terms of estimated probabilities. It's not about knowing the magic word or striking the magic pose, but rather giving oneself the best chance of success. And sometimes that best chance is still a long shot, which appears to be the case here.

This man will have to decide what level of personal degradation he is willing to accept for the sake of being near his children. My belief, however, is that children are always secondary to the marriage. They are the fruit of the marriage, but both the husband and the wife who insist on always putting the children ahead of their marital partner are making a fatal mistake that will ultimately harm the children.

After some reflection, I think the emailer should simply return to his homeland by himself for two weeks to get his head clear. Being in foreign land is intrinsically unsettling in multiple ways. He should just go, without asking permission, without making a big deal of it, and without staying in close contact while he is gone. If she asks why he is going, he should tell her, honestly, that he is thinking of returning home and he wants to see what his employment prospects are there. No mention should be made of divorce or ending the marriage, no threats or ultimatums should be given, just a simple statement of intent.

She will probably react with dire theats. These must be met calmly and with civil resignation. "I understand, all the same, this is what I'm going to do." There is no point in explanations. She already knows perfectly well why he is considering a permanent return. And once there, he needs to seriously think upon whether he wants to continue to live his life that way or not, and if he wants his children to witness the ongoing humiliation of their father or not. There is no correct answer here, it is an intrinsically subjective call.

These ugly situations are much harder where children are involved, but to paraphrase the Biblical wisdom, he who seeks to gain his children will lose them. The only way to prevent a woman from using your children against you is to make it clear that doing so will accomplish nothing whatsoever, and since he's already made a very bad mistake of trying to bluff her, and having his bluff called, she's not going to believe any posturing on his part short of actually packing up and leaving for a time. The only way to nullify open threats such as these is to materially demonstrate their impotence.

It must be admitted that there is a chance that the woman will file for divorce during those two weeks. All he may accomplish here is to speed up the inevitable. But even that can be seen as a positive step of sorts. To be honest, this doesn't sound like a marriage so much as a wintry battleground.


Anonymous said...

Good advice. If she files for divorce in that two weeks, she was going to soon anyway.

Anonymous said...

If you even think divorce is a possibility (and it is if your wife has ever used the D word to you), then you need a plan for SHTF day.

Have a credit card she doesn't know about. A bank account she isn't an account holder on already set up with some rainy day funds. A duffle bag stashed at a friends house with a couple days worth of clothes. Know who to talk to at HR to get your direct deposit swapped and your wife removed as beneficiary. Every account that you are primary on and the number to discontinue (electric, heat, cable, telcom).

Unknown said...

"she also belittles me, telling me I'm lazy"

Contempt is the first sign the relationship is over and divorce is on the way;\/

Brad Andrews said...

I would argue that the free use of sex prior to marriage is a big factor in its improper use after marriage. Going outside what God has ordained as the Plan is not a good idea. I have seen very little written on this though.

hank.jim said...

It seems like women are the cause for the marital failure. Men just don't have a chance. Either deal with no sex or you lose everything. I would advise against traveling to the US unless it can be explained away as not a threat. Maybe he can just take a weekend trip to cool off and he should take the kids with him to give her a break.

By moving to his home country upon the divorce, he will have the leverage with citizenship that can be offered to his children. He can avoid spousal and child support. She may have no choice, but to send the kids to him if she is unable to care for them alone and he can clearly offer them a better life.

deti said...

There are no easy answers here. Agree with Cail that a very brief mini separation in which he puts physical distance and minimal contact between him and her is in order; and then to consider the future of the marriage.

If what the correspondent says is true, divorce is virtually inevitable anyway.

Anchorman said...

Different culture, same story. In many ways, this describes the last few years of my marriage before frivorce.

Either I heard it or it came to me. When your youngest child (of the number she wants) reachest about four years old, that is when it starts getting REALLY bad. By that time, the child is old enough to be cared for by siblings. You are expendable from that day forward, given the legal climate.

Set up a separate account now. Start socking money away. I don't care if it's $10 a week. You will need it. Trust me, if she is acting like this, it's not "if" she will divorce, but "when."

Watch for her to make the situation unbearable so you leave and are the "bad guy." Watch for fight instigations, especially if she gets slap-happy.

Drop the pretense that your oldest will "see through" mom's attempts. Start counter-psychology immediately. I didn't and my oldest was talked into abuse allegations. My oldest now hates those accusations, but they never go away because the system never makes mistakes (or the credibility collapses). Don't poison them against mom, but make sure they know mom is trying to poison them against you.

Stash money, make a "go bag," take the trip, and consult the top 2-3 lawyers in town. Use a separate computer to do hard research on what to expect in your country.

I'm a Christian. I hate divorce. But brother, it is coming your way.

swiftfoxmark2 said...

Don't beg for sex. Don't demand it. Just approach and if she declines, just smile and walk away. Act like she is missing out. Show no contempt. Show no negative emotion in response to her rejection.

Play with your children and take them out without their mother (if possible). Have fun with them and them alone. If they question why their mother doesn't want to go out, just them that their mother loves them, she just doesn't like you as much.

Ramp up the exercise if possible. If divorce is in your future, you're going to need a better looking body. If not, you'll have a better body for her to be attracted to.

And finally, accept that there is nothing you can do to end her contempt of you. There is no way to appeal to her rationally. The best you can do is be a better man yourself. If you get divorced, then you get divorced. There's nothing you can really do about that at this point. Just accept that she is going to continue to be that way and do things your way.

Anonymous said...

In the Western world women have had the vote for about a hundred years. They also make up 52 % of the population, with that percentage rising as age rises.

In other words, women are responsible for EVERYTHING.

The shitty state of politics, education, science, philosophy, religion, the economy, race relations, crime ... you name it, women have messed it up for a century.

And since they have the power to change it, but don't (except to make ti worse); they WANT it this way.

Try this line on the next woman who gives you any shit, about anything. See the horror! The unbelief. The horror!

"Share & Enjoy"

P.S. This guy is doomed. If he stays he is doomed to a life of constant humiliation. If he goes he is doomed to a life of constant predation. Women designed this system. Women perpetuate it.

No, I dont hate women. On the contrary. But I dont take any shit from them, either.

Miguel D'Anconia said...

I would have to agree sadly with most of the other posts, things look pretty bleak. Especially given the belittling of you in front of the kids. I'd be prepping for divorce - your own checking/savings accounts, separate credit card, etc. Start shifting assets out of her sight.
I also like Vox's vacation idea. If she wants separate lives, show her what it's like.
Also don't kiss her ass. If she wants to be a bitch, treat her like one. Love your kids and make sure they know you love them. Don't let your old lady poison you to them. Put your foot down on that shit but fast.

Miss Joyce said...

HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK!!! i want to say a very big thanks and appreciation to Prophet Ekpiku for bringing back my husband who left i and the kids for almost two months. i am very much grateful to Prophet Ekpiku. I pray God almighty give you the strength and wisdom to help more people having similar problem like mine. for help you can reach him on his email

Matamoros said...

ScuzzaMan said... In the Western world women have had the vote for about a hundred years. They also make up 52 % of the population, with that percentage rising as age rises. In other words, women are responsible for EVERYTHING. The shitty state of politics, education, science, philosophy, religion, the economy, race relations, crime ... you name it, women have messed it up for a century. And since they have the power to change it, but don't (except to make ti worse); they WANT it this way.

Great line, I love it.

I also agree with Vox's 2 week vacation time. Dread game, and either she comes back or she's already gone in spirit if not in body.

insanitybytes22 said...

"She once suggested I'm treating her like a prostitute.."

You know Vox, there's quite a bit of male solipsism when it comes to sexual matters and this is a common one. Men tend to perceive sex as a type of economic exchange, I provide the meat, she provides the sex. Men perceive women as the gatekeepers of sex. I threw the meat down at her feet, now WTH is wrong with her that she won't open the gate?? I don't mean that disrespectfully, it's a charming bit of male biology, but it's a terrible way to communicate with women. Nobody wants to have sex with a bill collector. Now sex is no longer fun, it's an obligation, a debt, a chore, and about as appealing as cleaning toilets.

There's a way to flip that dynamic. You have to convince a wife that sex is actually about her health, her emotional well being, and that she needs it way more than you do. When she denies you, she's not rejecting you, she's rejecting herself and preventing you from taking care of her. Sex is not her debt, it's yours. You are obliged to provide her with sex for her own sake. Never mind whether this feels true or not, the idea is to convince her it's true, to project those feelings onto her. It's a play on female solipsism. Sex is for her own good, not yours. You could care less about getting any.

Brad Andrews said...

> You have to convince a wife that sex is actually about her

But it isn't just about her. Why do we have to lie to get what should be a part of marriage. She agreed to the marriage from all we can tell. Why does he have all the responsibility to make it work?

VD said...

You know Vox, there's quite a bit of male solipsism when it comes to sexual matters and this is a common one.

You don't even understand what "solipsism" is, old woman. Shut up already.

LAZ said...

Strip the house of anything valuable she could use, pack up the kids and leave for the home country.

LAZ said...

@ jimmy-jimbo "She may have no choice, but to send the kids to him if she is unable to care for them alone and he can clearly offer them a better life."

Won't work. They're living in her home country, she's surrounded by family who will look after her and the kids.

Donald L. Moir said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rycamor said...

Two things that stand out to me:

1. We don't know the religion (if any) of the husband or wife, or the degree to which they are committed to that belief. I know that even the most conservative of fundamentalist women can be tempted into divorce, but if she is a committed Christian, the marriage might have a fighting chance. If she is of one of the common Asian religions, I wouldn't know how that can affect their chances, but maybe some others can offer insight.

2. From what I understand (correct me if I'm wrong), Asian women are more likely to equate monetary power to manliness than western women. Notice he says "A lot of our marital problems can be blamed on the lack of money flow but I don't much feel like getting more liquidity for someone that treats me like she does." This might be the equivalent of a Western woman belittling her man's masculinity to which he responds by becoming even more meek and effeminate. Not that I'm saying earning more would solve the problem, but his attitude in response only make it worse. I'm guessing he is constantly acting defensive around her when money comes up, which is of course, playing to her frame.

Depending on the above, maybe it's salvageable (it won't be easy), but either way, I agree that he should brace for the worst and prepare.

liberranter said...

You don't even understand what "solipsism" is, old woman. Shut up already.

It looks like the "real" GG is back. I knew something was up; for the last week or two she's been acting rationally. I guess the space aliens that kidnapped her realized quickly the error of their ways and returned her.

Anonymous said...

That was a really great post.

Anonymous said...

Solid advice.

insanitybytes22 said...

"You don't even understand what "solipsism" is, old woman. Shut up already."

Thankfully I've had a professional solipsist like you to teach me all about it.

One is always free to wallow in feelings of rejection and persecution as if the marriage were all about you, or you can learn to empathize with your spouse. Considering things from a woman's perspective won't kill you, it will give you some insights into her behavior.

"Why does he have all the responsibility to make it work? "

I don't know Brad, it goes along with leadership. Keep in mind, if you don't take responsibility, you aren't taking control. The two kind of go hand in hand. So many men here sound so powerless, so full of despair, as if there's nothing they can do but wait for eventual divorce or suffer in a humiliating situation. Wouldn't it be better to take responsibility for your marriage and sex life?

Dexter said...

Ah Vox, comments like your 3:28 make reading your blogs all worthwhile.

Meanwhile, nitwit GG insists on doubling down on failure.

Kyle said...

This sounds very symptomatic of stories I hear all the time from American/western men married to Japanese women: lots of sex before getting married, then as soon as the first kid is born, it's all over. Hearing these sorts of horror stories, I admit, were not irrelevant when I considered moving back to the US from Japan.

I don't want to be stuck in a loveless and sexless marriage with a woman who can run off with my kids at any time. I feel bad for this guy, but I'm thankful for the Internet, because reading these sorts of stories will help me avoid the same thing happening to me.

VD said...

Thankfully I've had a professional solipsist like you to teach me all about it.

I repeat: You don't even understand what "solipsism" is, old woman. Shut up already.

insanitybytes22 said...

"I repeat: You don't even understand what "solipsism" is, old woman."

You're quite right you know, but that's a good thing. Those who know solipsism well tend to have unhappy marriages and a bad sex life.

Stg58/Animal Mother said...

Alpha Game Drinking Game:

Every time GG comments and says "Me, Myself, I" DRINK!!!!

RC said...

Don't play this game and drive.

hank.jim said...

@LAZ "Won't work. They're living in her home country, she's surrounded by family who will look after her and the kids."

This isn't necessarily true today. Modern times have made the cost of living expensive in Asia. Parents can't always rely on family to help them. A change in circumstances will give him the advantage. Asia has one cultural difference. They aren't afraid of abandoning their children if the parent or the child can receive benefits. One of 3 scenarios. (1) use the kids to extract child and spousal support. (2) Get remarried with a higher status man, give up the kids. (3) Give kids to father for education and job opportunities in foreign country.

Anonymous said...

I'm not a huge fan of blogs banning people so I commend Vox on not banning gg but I downloaded kill fire so I don't have to read it.

Retrenched said...

@ Conscientia Republicae

Step 2: die from alcohol poisoning after three comments

Unknown said...

Could Dread work? How does Christian Dread work for a married man? Please help Vox!

Anonymous said...

Beta behavior is aiming above all to please. But this is a feminine form of love, and women know that. Today, however, women are programmed to believe they deserve love because of who they are, or what they have accomplished. My wife believes, deep down, that she deserves love because she has a steady job, owns a townhouse, and is fiscally responsible. Sound feminine? Feminine love is a great privilege, and it is, quite simply: love, and be loved. For obvious reasons this does not work for men. Their directive, which works in love and all other things, is: lead, and others will follow.

Akulkis said...

Advice to letter-writer:

Kick her out of bed. Tell her she can sleep on the couch, on the floor or in the car until she can treat you like a husband... ANY PLACE EXCEPT FOR YOUR BED. The price of admission back into YOUR bed is to treat you like her husband, not her brother.

Akulkis said...

If that doesn't work, after a week, additional wifely benefits get taken away, such as, access to money you earn, access to clothes purchased with your money, etc.

Miguel D'Anconia said...

@Akulkis -> I likes!!

insanitybytes22 said...

Listen guys, it's rather surprising to discover that shame/blame is such an issue for so many men. I'm married to somebody who is completely shameless and fearless. If he feels such things, he has never let me see it.

In a marital situation, one must learn to empathize, not as a display of weakness, but because relationships between men and women require a bit of interspecies communication. It's not about shame and blame or who's at fault. It doesn't matter what cards you have been dealt, it matters how you play them.

It's astounding how "leave the country, forsake your children, and brace for divorce," are the best that some of you can come up with. That's heartbreaking and dismal and it doesn't have to be like that.

Anonymous said...

He is lucky in one regard---while he is stuck in a sexless marriage, and she might file for divorce whenever to "make him lose everything" she forgets.

They're not in America.

It's pretty damn unlikely that treaties have been signed that she can get a state government in the USA to dock his pay and send her child support. As long as there's no "seize his passport" thing she can initiate, she has nothing except the kids. (which she would've gotten anyways.) He needs to drain his bank accounts, and vanish into the USA. Let her panic for a while.

Anchorman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anchorman said...


What you want is for the writer to continue charging forward until he is crushed by what it about to happen.

Dear Writer, don't you dare prepare for what is clearly about to happen. Continue to believe in the magical goodness of women. You alone can return her to her natural state of goodness. So, MAN UP!"

The reason the best advice for the guy is grim is because he's in a grim situation. Many men are in grim spots and precious few people around them are giving them honest assessments and sound advice.

Divorce is coming his way.

I ignored the same signs this guy has been given and it cost me dearly.

I will not allow another guy to be chewed apart for the good of maintaing the female imperative.


Don't deprive pinterest of your wisdom. Go! Seek! And don't look back just to see our flowing tears.

insanitybytes22 said...

"I ignored the same signs this guy has been given and it cost me dearly.
I will not allow another guy to be chewed apart for the good of maintaing the female imperative"

Okay, but what people often do is project their own pain onto someone else, so that validating one's own experience becomes more important than offering some genuine assistance. This guy can do all the things that have been suggested, AND attempt to flip the sexual dynamic that has her perceiving herself as a prostitute in a cold economic exchange.

Anchorman said...

Why won't he MAN UP?!?!

amiright, girlz?

insanitybytes22 said...

"Why won't he MAN UP?!?! amiright, girlz?"

So, it seems as if quite a few men completely blame themselves when relationship go wrong, as it were entirely their fault. So you now resent any suggestions that might imply another man could have some influence over his marriage?

Would it help if I told you this wife was totally in the wrong, that she may not be deliberately trying to destroy her marriage, but that is precisely what her actions are doing? Would it help if I stated that wives are obliged to have sex with their husbands and that demeaning or belittling a hubby as this woman has been trying to do, is quite offensive?

I'm not trying to be disrespectful here, it's just that women require something a bit warmer than a spreadsheet, a corporate merger, or sex presented like a letter from a debt collector. Sheesh, people, get a clue

hank.jim said...

@GG "validating one's own experience becomes more important than offering some genuine assistance."

The thing you have wrong is the woman/wife have full control to fix the situation. The husband cannot force her to have sex, which is the main problem and cause of the conflict. Either she agrees to have more sex or the relationship deteriorates further. A wife has a marital obligation in contrast to her being a prostitute. Yet it is exactly that she can be a sex-free prostitute in any case or dissolution of marriage. A wifely duty. Oh well. What is a marriage anyways?

Bike Bubba said...

My initial take is similar to Brad's; sex before marriage is a bad thing, and there will be repercussions. Worse yet, it is generally frowned upon in Asian cultures, so "giving it up" before marriage indicates that the wife is partially, but probably not fully, separated from that traditional Asian culture that would value marriage so much, suttee is thinkable in some areas.

She may retain--and evidence suggests she does--retain the strong preference for high earnings and success (many Asian friends of mine have dealt with this), which indicates that whatever the husband's belief system is, she's effectively got the same one President Obama does--agnostic with a strong love of money and mammon.

Some tweaks, but if I'm reading it right, that's the general picture. And if I'm correct, then the husband's recourse is not to separate his finances, but to ask the One who created both of them for help. I realize they may not be even nominal Christians, but that's where to go for help here. Pray, because it's clear that there are some big sin issues for both the husband (premarital sex and threatening adultery) and the wife ( premarital sex, withholding it in marriage, and threatening divorce). Probably a lot more than I just listed there.

Regarding separating finances, it's worth noting that even in the healthiest marriage, it's good for each spouse to have a savings, checking, or credit account that is not listed under the other spouse's name so that if there is some kind of legal or other issue, that person can eat. Say a month's need or so, but it's not simply so you can get out of Dodge if you want to.

insanitybytes22 said...

"The thing you have wrong is the woman/wife have full control to fix the situation."

Jimmy, the problem always is, if you wait for the other person to change, you get old and hell freezes over. I just wish men wouldn't sell themselves short, as if they had no influence at all.

pdwalker said...

If I were to guess based on what I've heard about mixed Western/Asian relationships, I'd say she's Japanese. I'd recommend the original poster run the map from Athol Kay's "Married Man Sex Life" book. He really needs to make himself attractive again and fix the structural problems in his relationship.

buzzardist said...

I think it does make a difference here what Asian country this guy's wife is from, and it definitely makes a difference insofar as the laws regarding divorce in that country are concerned.

If this guy is in Japan, for example, there is no no-fault divorce. If one party wants a divorce, the other party has to agree. If one party refuses, the matter can go into years of arbitration before a court will finally take up the case and settle the divorce. In such proceedings, if the husband has had an affair, he will have shot himself in the foot. As it is right now, he actually has the upper hand because refusal of sex on the part of the wife is grounds for divorce. Right now, in the eyes of the law, she is at fault, which gives the husband a lot of leverage should this relationship go into divorce proceedings. Her cruelty to him could even mean that he gets the kids. On the other hand, failing to materially provide for the wife on the part of the husband is also grounds for divorce, so he would have to keep providing for her and the kids all through this mess. Fleeing the country, even for a time, could also put him at fault in the eyes of an arbitration panel or court. She would already be looking for ways to make him into a demon in the eyes of the law, which wouldn't be hard to do because he is the foreigner in the relationship. So he shouldn't give her anything to bludgeon him with.

In another Asian country, however, the laws may be different, and how he behaves ought to be different. The cultural customs would be different, too. Were this a Chinese woman, the husband leaving might be pretty normal. His friends might then start going back and forth between husband and wife as intermediaries until the two reconciled. This is something I've seen plenty of Chinese couples play at, but that I'd never see from Japanese people.

So whatever advice we offer here, it's worth remembering that alpha behavior can vary a little across cultural boundaries, and sane, self-protective behavior can vary across legal boundaries. While I think that clearing one's head by getting out of the country might be a good thing, before doing anything that an American alpha might do, I'd first reflect on what, if anything, a (fill-in-the-blank Asian) alpha might do differently, and I'd understand in detail what the divorce laws are and how to use them to my greatest advantage.

hank.jim said...

@GG "if you wait for the other person to change, you get old and hell freezes over. I just wish men wouldn't sell themselves short, as if they had no influence at all."

Who said I'm waiting. There is no waiting. The other person won't change. I was pointing out that this problem was created by women and marriages will be destroyed by women.

Marriage is an agreement, but women have changed what it means. This means men have few choices. In many cases, as bad as it is for husbands, they will still put-up with a sexless marriage. Nonetheless, women will still initiate 2/3rds of all divorces. Perhaps the only way out is not waiting for the woman to act (she has). Try to seek counseling to at least seek a middle ground.

Anonymous said...

I don’t think you understand the basics of gender dynamics. A man should NEVER negotiate desire. As for the issue of resources for sex, that’s the way it goes. Part of the deal for our commitment and our work is free access to our wives pussy. If she refuses to give it up save for medical issues then it’s time to leave. It should not be a difficult decision. It sucks, it hurts, but the decision is easy. Also it is not weak to look after our own interests. Now please go away and let the men talk this out.
If his wife does not want him sexually he should be free to leave and still maintain his moral superiority of you will. His wife has broken the marriage first. I find it terribly sad that men use their Christina faith for staying in bad marriages that are essentially over because they are too much of a pussy to either leave or find a woman on the side. Gods not going to fix the marriage. Its pure fantasy to think He will. If He did such things the Church wouldn’t have 60%=+ divorce rate. Every church and Christian marriage book blames men and charges the MAN to change and bow to his wife to supposedly fix the marriage. As we know this will not work in the long term.
This guy should pack up the kids and come back to the US. Alternatively if that is not possible he can leave the kids there. I personally do not believe in ruining my life for the sake of the children, especially when they are apt to being poisoned by their evil bitch mother. He can get a newer, younger, hotter wife with a tighter pussy.

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