Monday, November 11, 2013

The interpreter

Yohami never ceases to crack me up. His take on things is not only unique, but regularly makes me laugh. In this case, he observes, quite possibly correctly, that if a woman is asking a question, the answer she is seeking is not necessarily the answer to the literal question asked:
A lot of these questions change if you ask them from the female perspective. A girl is not going to see “guys” as a gender, she’s going to filter “guys she likes”, “guys she really really doesn't like” and the majority of “invisible guys”.

The guys she likes capture her attention and make her curious, she wants to get them – the subtext question is “how do I get them”. The guys she doesn’t like, the question is “how do I get rid of them”. The rest of the guys, she doesn’t care.

As long as they are nice and do her favors.

The question of “what do men would like me to know” is followed by “and that I can use in my favor.” So this quiz should be renamed to “how to gain understanding in the manipulation of men” and hence that’s how I'm calling my post.

But, girls, first things first, men are people, too. We’re not just cattle to be classifie… nevermind.

* * *

What guys think is important, their perspective on life.
Most men are concerned about how to be a good man / the best man they can be / trump other men. Being a winner / being successful is tied to…. wait what? you’re bored already? that’s because I'm actually talking about men, see, you didnt ask the real question:

What do guys [I LIKE] think is important [ ABOUT ME AND RELATIONSHIPS WITH ME], their perspective on life [ AND IS IT COMPATIBLE WITH MINE?]
This is an important lesson. Every man is familiar with the experience of a woman asking him a question and then rapidly losing interest as soon as he answers it. When that happens, there are two possible explanations. Either you are answering in more detail than she would like - and I am regularly guilty of this - or you are answering the wrong question.

The solution is quite simple. Provide minimal answers. Don't explain. If the question is a yes or no answer, answer only yes or no. Make her pry the answer out of you. If she's interested, she will. If she actually has another question in mind, she'll be forced to ask it.

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yep. This is a hard habit to develop, because we've been taught over and over that women want lots of communication, that they want men to open up to them and share their feelings, blah blah blah. So it's easy to turn into a chatterbox when a woman shows an interest -- even more so than around guys, where it's just natural to keep your mouth shut unless you think you have something worthwhile to say.

But it works: when a woman asks a question, it's hard to go wrong with Roissy's "It's complicated," a plain yes or no, or even just a wry smile and silence.

Unknown said...

I tell women to make me a sammich and if they don't I delete them. I'm not all that concerned with what they think or what they ask. I tell them all I have in my head is a low hum to drown out most women and some men, too.

Revelation Means Hope said...

Yes, you have to build intrigue and mystery. If you have value, they will dig for their answer because you already interested them, and you just revealed that your opinions and information are not free either, that you're aware that they have value and you don't just freely dump them into the world upon request.

This has been a valuable thing for me to internalize and put into practice, especially at work.

HanSolo said...
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HanSolo said...
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John Williams said...

Feed the gerbil.

Joe Kelleher said...

Am I alone in having noticed some women ask seemingly 'deep' questions where they don't want an answer at all, but just want to feel pleased with themselves for having 'considered' the question?

Yohami said...

Thanks for the feature. The best question / response is the last, when the she asks what do men think about sex.

Eric Wilson said...

The best question / response is the last, when the she asks what do men think about sex.

Agreed. Good stuff man

Doom said...

The problem I have seen is women don't often ask a question to be answered at all. They are asking if you will surrender something, a bit of your will, or a bit of your manly allowance, to them. By agreeing with something asinine. The best answer, always, in that situation is... "No, and piss off", in some form or other. Then ask a favor. It works like a charm for me. I even usually get my request.

As for literal questions? Sometimes they would like to know, serusly! If it's above them just tell them where a resource is, like a book or even a blog if you know one, to get them up to some sort of speed. That at least gets you off the hook until she does her part, if the subject is beyond her at the point she comes to you. If she doesn't do the homework, you have that as a shield for teh stupid. If she still isn't up to speed, or didn't get some of the finer points, then either give her more homework, or offer a bit of tuning then decide about a conversation.

I'm never exactly sure what is being suggested here, so I fired both barrels. ymmv

Doom said...

Yeah, but don't be too much of a jerk with her. She'll learn from you regarding her areas that you might want to learn. And women play dirtier already. So... slap a little salt on that. At least if you would like it to be a longterm/lifetime relationship. Otherwise just enjoy the burn, until it's your turn. Yum!

En-sigma said...

My spousal unit does seem to get more questions than I. I tend to teach the kids how we can answer that question ourselves and in turn employ that same technique to other questions or aspects in our lives. Why the use of logic can help us and those around us.

Which is why they ask Mom more stuff than me.

Spousal Unit is more concerned with getting them the right answer and less concerned with teaching them to find the right answer. Which is, I suppose, the result of the theory you put forth.

Not earth shattering. Just further support, I guess.

Desiderius said...

Han,

If you'll recall, it was Dr. Jeremy's AMOGging her blog that set off the jihad. Women can't abide excellence that she does not possess, from Eve on. Let it go - she's lost, as is all she had created. A cautionary example.

HanSolo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
D.J. Schreffler said...

I was talking with my wife earlier tonight, and she mentioned that she'd gotten into a bit of a tiff. Another woman had posted something rather implausible: a claim that 80% of people hadn't picked up a book to read in the last year. My wife asked for sources, and the poster took it as a personal attack. (What? You don't believe me? Why not? It's not like I would post something that wasn't true or verified, right?) Then started backpedaling to a much less ambitious claim. (Ok, 20% of people with no more than high school education have not picked up a book in the last year.) Finally, a guy posted original sources that showed that the person who did the initial survey had repudiated it, and there were other methodological errors that put the huge claim into question. And thus was the fire quelled.

Markku said...

"No, and piss off"

One friend of mine has an incredibly efficient method, but it works better in Finnish. "no, I won't." would be "en." He says "e?".

There is so much subtext in that one syllable. First of all, it says implicitly that the question is not worth going through the entire two letters, they'll need to make do with one.

But the intonation also poses it as a question. Basically it says "ok, I'll play. Obviously I won't do it, so I assume the question is rhetorical. So, I'm saying my part now, and expect you to now make your REAL point next." Note that the tone is not hostile, it sounds like a genuine question.

I know what you are thinking: There cannot be that much subtext in one vowel. Yes there is. Women are incredible with subtext.

Markku said...

Obviously this only works face to face, not in text. An actual question mark would be too explicit. They have to wonder if it indeed was a question, or just a bit quirky way to say "no". This pretty much flusters 99% of people asking him to do something, because they just don't know what to say next.

Stella Kyes said...


My husband has abandon me and the kids for the the past 8months now, and refuse to come back because he was hold on by a woman whom he just met, for that, my self and the kids has been suffering and it has been heel of a struggle, but I decide to do all means to make sure that my family come together as it use to, then I went online there I saw so many good talk about this spell caster whose email is onimalovespell@gmail.com so I had to contact him and explain my problem to him and in just 3days as he has promised, my husband came home and his behavior was back to the man i got married to. I cant thank the spell caster enough for what he did for me, i am so grateful and i will never stop to publish his name on the internet for the good work he has done for me,once again his email is onimalovespell@gmail.com

Unknown said...

I gave this link to a girl and she seemed interested but didnt finish it in front of me. Is this a positive sign or negative sign for game in general?

Yohami said...

if you have to ask...

Unknown said...

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Unknown said...

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Unknown said...

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Anonymous said...

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Unknown said...

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Jessica L. Smith said...

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Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

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