Friday, April 8, 2011

Alpha Mail: the self-esteem defense hamster

Jill provides us with a vivid portrait of the female self-esteem defense hamster, which is not to be confused with the rationalization hamster:
Has it occurred to any of you that we women couldn't give a crap what you think about our hair? Honestly, this whole discussion makes you guys appear to be pathetic, shallow, and insecure. You're the last people I'd EVER want to impress so why would I care if you like my hair or not?
This is classic female illogic combined with false posturing. Of course it has not occurred to us that women couldn't give a crap what we think about their hair, for the obvious reason that women readily break down and cry if we only refrain from praising how they have reduced their attractiveness to us by chopping off their hair. Asking "do you like it?" and "what do you think?" is a very ineffective means of demonstrating a lack of concern. So is having your face crumble into tears and snivels when a man greets your "super-cute" new androgynous look with nothing more than a raised eyebrow and a shake of the head.

Jill's emotional projection is readily apparent. If she truly didn't care what men thought about her hair, she wouldn't be lashing out with such vehemence. She really shouldn't care whether we like her hair or not, since we are but faceless, sexless pixels on her screen, but because she is shallow, insecure, and female, she does. But even more amusing than her illogic was her sputtering incoherence:

"You can prefer whatever the hell you want. What's offensive is that you seem to think that your preferences = fact."

She dimly realized that being offended by our preferences made no sense, so she attempts to manufacture an excuse... only our preferences are pure matters of fact. They are simply what they are. I strongly prefer long hair, as do 56 percent of men in general. Note that the best showing for a short hairstyle was the 10 percent of men who favor the classic bob.

It's no concern of mine if Jill decides that she would like to limit her appeal to the 7 percent of men who claim to like pixie cuts instead of the majority of them, but it shouldn't be incomprehensible to her where we get these ideas. Of course, to any competent theoretician of Game, it's entirely comprehensible how her self-esteem defense hamster produces hers. What Jill has chiefly failed to understand is that because we have no need of her approval or her vagina, her attempt to influence us by threatening our socio-sexual rank is doomed to failure.

Her futile efforts are all the more amusing given the way in which she's not only attempting to socio-sexually devalue a sigma, but one who already has a much hotter and higher-value woman than Jill.


LP2021 Bank of LP Work in Progress said...

Jill, honey: more pretty less talky. Happy Friday gang :)

britt c knutson said...

Am I reading this correctly? Jill is wrong because she thinks the views expressed in the post are wrong? Come on. I hate to burst everyone's bubble, but there is a whole, wide, wonderful world out there, filled with individuals with thoughts and preferences of their own. I mean this in the best way and with respect toward everyone. Of course, there are going to be majority agreements. And science has even proven that certain body types and facial structures are preferable to others. Evolution is biological and cannot be erased in a day or on a whim. Physical associations are embedded deep in our DNA and expressed through our psychological wiring. But, what it all comes down to is that everyone, male and female, is going to have a unique take on what is aesthetically pleasing. And it's all good. No one needs to cater to anyone else. That would be sad and pathetic (can we all agree that free will is quite brilliant?). Initially, I thought the article in question was interesting. Human nature and behavior just is. It was the battle that ensued in the comments that were troubling. We all just need to find our matches in life. Opinions are tremendous. Ideas make the world go 'round. If we all agreed, what would we gain-and how bored would we be?! We don't have to agree, we just have to listen. I know, I know. I should go hug a tree. But, really. Be cool and play nice. Tempting Karma is a dangerous game. And, at the end of the day, we all have to live with ourselves (first). Oh, and (please) leave hamsters out of it. They're genius creatures who celebrate who they are and roll with love-and don't have time for this silly, shallow human stuff.
Be cool!

Anonymous said...

"everyone, male and female, is going to have a unique take on what is aesthetically pleasing."

Says the girl who uses an teaser shot of her(?) bust as an avatar pic.

Brittany, dear, your hamster is spinning.

VD said...

Am I reading this correctly?

No. You are not. Try again.

JCclimber said...

It is always amusing when someone comments "I don't care what your opinion is!" and then goes on a rant proving how much they deeply care about that opinion.

Ah, the illogic of the female mind, and the gamma mind.

modernguy said...

Just for the record, not that I care what anyone thinks, but I'm a sigma too (by the way). That's alpha in case you didn't know. Well, more like alpha-who-doesnt-compete or mostly-invisible-alpha or alpha-somewhere-else-where-mysteriously-no-one-sees-me. But still alpha, you gamma.

You must've had some kryptonite for breakfast Vox. Not only is this written in a dry unsexy logico-Spock monotone, but it's not very alpha (I mean Sigma) to whirl up the logic gun just to blast some mewling hamster. Let's remember game maxim #93542854: the opposite of love is indifference.

David said...

Take it easy on the gal, Vox. No need to blast her to pieces. She's lashing out in anger, but as you say, the reality is probably that she is hurting, insecure, and confused. No need to punish someone like that. These game realities are not always easy to face.

Stingray said...


3 things:

1) Kinda hard to have a blog and not put anything on it, especially when a big part of that blog is understanding the mind of women.

2) Award Winning Cruelty Artist, or did you forget?

3) You claim to be a sigma, state that sigmas are indifferent, and are posting about said indifference. Um . . .

Stingray said...


If no one bothers to point it out to her, she is never going to get it.

VD said...

Take it easy on the gal, Vox. No need to blast her to pieces.

[bursts into tears] You don't know me AT ALL!

David said...

Agreed. But it is possible to speak in a manner that is both straightforward and understanding.

David said...

@Vox - LOL!!! That one ripped me up.

Stingray said...

Yes. However, Vox tends to respond to someone in the same vain as that person posts. If she wanted straightforward and understanding, she needs to give it a shot herself.

David said...

Fair enough.

Jill: [wagging finger] Bad girl. Don't do that again.

Stingray said...

Obviously, this site needs an edit button for comments. Vain, vein . . .

modernguy said...

I think a good way to picture it is to picture Vox as an enormous and grotesque hyper-logical space worm and when he's attacked, Stingray hops out from a glass dome attached to the underbelly to defend the host, blasting at attackers with his laser pistol, making a pew-pew noise.

David said...


You guys are fucking nasty to each other but funny as all hell.

Stingray said...


Now . . . THAT is more like it. You may have you sigmatude back now.

Stingray said...

Effing A. "Your", if you please.

Jill said...

Oh! *sob* I must go cut my hair off now! How can I ever face the ridicule of misogynist fundamentalists. *sniffle*

Britt, don't worry, they do this because they're (at least) figuratively impotent and afraid of women so they try to dominate them and control them by threatening to not be attracted to them. It simply is the most empty and silly threat I've ever heard.

My favorite part is that they claim to know anything about what I look like based on a comment on the Internet. *snort*

I didn't ask if you like my hair, poster. I don't care if you like it. I don't care if you like ME. I feel that it's important for women to speak up when they see ridiculous, mysogynist behavior like yours just so that you and everyone who reads this will know that your opinion and bizarre notions are not the norm. Your opinion makes no difference to me, you're welcome to it. You're NOT welcome to spread the delusion that women who don't do EXACTLY what you think they should do are sluts/ashamed/self-loathing/whatever else you're on about.

You're trying to convince yourself that if women don't care what you think of their looks/hairstyle/whatever, there must be some deep negative psychological reason. To you, it could not possibly be because she has no interest in you and your ideas. To you, the idea that most women are not under your thumb is just inconceivable.

Have fun with that in the real world. Though I doubt you leave the compound much.

P.S. said...

"Asking "do you like it?" and "what do you think?" is a very ineffective means of demonstrating a lack of concern."

I didn't ask you either of those questions. You have no idea what I look like. You're just making stuff up. That's sad.

VD said...

My favorite part is that they claim to know anything about what I look like based on a comment on the Internet. *snort*

I don't know what you look like. But as numerous readers here well know, unless you are an elite professional model, you are less attractive than Spacebunny. And we already know you are less intelligent on the basis of your logical errors. Now, I know that math is probably hard for you, but statistically speaking, there is almost no chance that you are in her league because very few women are. This is why your attempt to impute low socio-sexual status to me is simultaneously futile and amusing.

To you, the idea that most women are not under your thumb is just inconceivable. Have fun with that in the real world. Though I doubt you leave the compound much.

Well, it is true that I don't see much point in leaving the villa if I don't have to. But you clearly don't know much about Game, little girl. You don't even realize that you're half jumping through hoops already.

And for one who claims not to care, you certainly are working your poor hamster to death in trying to find a reason to justify sharing your opinion. You can't seem to grasp the obvious fact that there is no "if" with regards to women caring what men think about their hair. Women do care, they care a great deal.

As, quite clearly, do you.

VD said...

I didn't ask you either of those questions. You have no idea what I look like. You're just making stuff up. That's sad.

You obviously are not tall enough for this ride. But you certainly have the female passive-aggressive thing down. So you have that going for you.

Bark all you like. But do try to bark a little smarter. If you can.

Joe A. said...

It seems like you definitely do care. Just saying, Jill.

Based on your P.S. post, you are experiencing what is perhaps a momentary lapse of reading comprehension, as it is not implied in any manner that you made the statements you quoted.

You're also unfortunately projecting dramatically and gratuitously throughout the above response, thus rendering it innocuous.

SarahsDaughter said...

Jill, have you ever asked yourself what it would take for the man in your life to speak about you the way VD talks of his wife? Behaving the way that you have so far is not it.
Linda: I ♥ you, always make me chuckle.

RM said...

Speaking as someone who has actually lived in a religious compound, Vox is not the type: far too many ugly women. Women who, coincidentally, are required to keep their hair long. I come from a group who could easily be described as misogynist fundamentalists and their opinions are not nearly as harsh as the worldly view of women. They are willing to marry some truly plain women, often several of them, and the one thing the men want is that their wives keep their hair long. Out in the "real" world, a man who has the option of a marrying a hot woman will be far more harsh about his choices. He can dump whoever he pleases because he knows there are more girls out there. So cut you hair with care and hope the misogynist fundamentalists are the only ones who ridicule you, because men who can will always choose long hair over short.

Josh said...

Jill has to be a strawwoman, right?

David said...

I don't know. Jill's desperate ranting is kind of turning me on.

red_horizon0127 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rycamor said...

"figuratively impotent"

How exactly does that work?

Anonymous said...

Oh, how much Jill cares.

Dear Jill:

I am an ugly, fat, bald, unemployed guy who lives above my parent's garage.

And I think your hair is lovely just as it is.

LP2021 Bank of LP Work in Progress said...

Sarah's Daughter; I love you too. I always enjoy your comments as well.

Well, this thread has been highly entertaining and educational.

Jill, please keep reading, when I say, 'less talky more pretty', I am just acknowledging our female ability to over think stuff and talk ourselves into a place where we lose ground and...seem less intelligent. Keep reading, keep learning and this will be clearer to you in time. Make friends here, there are people who willing to give you some damn good free input.

As for Vox's tone here. Dude, this is not even 'the Voxster' being an AWCA. This is how he communicates when is trying to help us.

Pablo said...

"You obviously are not tall enough for this ride. But you certainly have the female passive-aggressive thing down. So you have that going for you.

Bark all you like. But do try to bark a little smarter. If you can."

Damn that was funny!
Somewhere, Bane is smiling.

The Original Hermit said...

IME, women will attempt to style themselves how best to attract a man. Generally that attempt falls short, because they end up styling themselves how other women tell them to, because they (the other women) think that's what men want. But they never bothered to ask. Or more often than not, never bothered to listen.

Lurky the Loquacious said...

TL;DR version of Jill's rant:

"I know what you're up to; you're planning to beam your Womyn Mind Control Rays to the entire world by hijacking Lifetime and turn them all into clones of Spacebunny! But Captain Estrogen is here to stop you! My PMS-Ray Vision tells me that you are afraid of mediocre females with inflated egos! Now I will thwart you with my Super Ranting Powers!"

Lurky finds such creatures amusing.

JCclimber said...

My wife gets her best hair cuts from 2 sources:

A straight male hair stylist (they actually exist in the Japanese community).

A straight female hair stylist who has a beautiful style of hair (no punk styles, weird bleaching, over-perming, too short, or other insanity).

Any other stylist means she's taking a big risk that my feedback will not be positive. And she asks me immediately after getting it styled.

Sean said...

i always find comments on women's hair amusing. the comments never apply to me since i am a black woman w/ an afro. i stopped trying to look like something God never intended me to look like when i was 20 and have never regretted 40 now.

SarahsDaughter said...

Interesting Sean, the inept stylist that messed up my hair (I'm referencing a comment of mine in a prior post) was a gay man and the woman that fixed it, a black woman with a tremendous professional reputation. She told me her (black) husband loved her in long hair as well. She'd put weaves in when they had somewhere to attend but struggled with what she wanted (short hair) and growing it out like he wanted it. Should we have not been able to fix my "breaking" issue, she was going to weave some platinum blonde locks in. So, did God intend on having me be a "dark, dirty dish water, blonde" haired woman? Or did he provide a fabulous industry of artists that can produce results that are pleasing to my husband? I find your statement disingenuous and a bit snarky, either that or God intended for us women to have hair in our pits, legs, bikini area, overwhelming our eyebrows, and as we age, on our chins and spewing out of moles. So tell us; how are these comments ammusing, and how don't they apply to you? Does the man in your life prefer your short afro hair? Not that the following site is The authority but I'd contend the feminity aspect of long hair applies to all races: ttp://

Sean said...

yes God intended you to have long stringy dirty blond hair. He did not intend for me to have stick straight hair, The only way I can achieve said "hair" is to put massive, corrosive chemicals in my hair, or weave someone elses hair on my head. For that reason alone I reject that line of "beauty" Just b/c millions of black women have succumbed to a standard that is not the original does not make it better. And for your info, I have been married to a black man who loves my afro. You may embrace an industry that highlights your look. I utterly reject an industry that tries to obliterate everything that is native to my african features. PS I never had any problems getting dates from (black white or asian) or commitments once I embraced my natural God given beauty.

SarahsDaughter said...

Hurray that it has worked for you. You are commenting on a blog that is intended for those looking to achieve maximum results in the dating world as well as those that want to achieve maximum results in their marriage. Your experience is not the norm, nor should it be recommended to single black or white women to lie to themselves or fall for the feminist lie that short hair is appealing to available men. Your "rejecting that line of 'beauty'" seems exactly why this particular post was referenced off the original post "Women: don't cut your damn hair." Great for you to "utterly reject an industry that tries to obliterate everything that is native to your african features" -have you been to Africa? The rich there wear long hair and the poor shave it short. An indicator of the haves and have-nots.

Sean said...

#1 not a feminist
#2 YOU don't know what you are talking about. Most african women wear their hair in an afro or braids NOT shaved. Also african women on the continent differ greatly genetcally. Some have naturally,straight wavy hair. My own daughters hair staightens from just blowdrying.
#3 any woman is more beautiful when she works w/ what God gives her not against it.

Sean said...

Also, I never told anyone to cut their hair. Why are you so upset b/c I stated the paradigm presented doesn't apply to me?

SarahsDaughter said...

"Not a feminist" but arguing this point because...? (perhaps all you saw in my last comment was YOU.)
So you have spent extensive time touring Africa? I find that hard to believe due to your false suppositions regarding continental African women. Your African roots...which tribe/country are you a descendant from? And the father of your daughters is the same? Are you saying there is no white blood in your children's lineage. Incidences of straight hair in African women is when non native African blood enters their gene pool.
There's something I've heard about anecdote (and the plural of) not equaling fact. Men prefer women to have long hair and TWO eyebrows. You can't change a general preference just because you don't like it.

SarahsDaughter said...

Re: Your comment at 9:49, it's not a paradigm, it's called "snowflaking" here. You aren't so special that reality doesn't apply. Your comment of it not applying because you are "a black woman with an afro" is snowflaking for the whole of black women. Should any others be reading this, I wouldn't want them to be confused. Don't worry, I'm not upset, I'm laughing.

Sean said...

I find it quite amusing that some white woman thinks I'm snowflaking. Or that she believes she knows what a variety of black men like b/c of a Fe conversations. It is not snowflaking to.tell anyone to.go.with what the beauty God gave you not against it. You don't know what you are talking about in regards to African women. And it will not hurt a black woman's prospect of getting a by having an Afro. Sure some men wont like it but the majority are not turned off by it. You can't make crap up and then tell me I don't know the culture I grew up in. No further post from me b/c you're just making stuff up.

SarahsDaughter said...

Epic Fail.

You are snowflaking and it doesn't matter if I'm white, black, yellow, or green. This site is intended for a discussion about reality not someone's wishful view of it. You obviously have not been to Africa nor know anyone of the majority of native Africans.
Show 10 black men Pam Grier with afro and without and ask them which they prefer. The fact that 70% of black women are single ( ) indicates the truth of this blog might be able to assist them.

SarahsDaughter said...

My ignorance may be in how long an afro must be to not be considered "shaved." Here is a video of a market in Jinja, Uganda (the country I'm most familiar with in Africa): These are the “have-nots” Where as a popular guesthouse/bar in Jinja hosts the “haves” (and the hookers):!/photo.php?fbid=1154517336700&set=o.46737549990&theater The first picture is a hooker. (You know, the type prone to don whatever it is the customer is looking for.) To your credit, the wife of the Ugandan president does sport the afro: Politically, I’m not sure how well it would fare for her to indulge in extensions.
I’m not making anything up. Your "no further post from me" is the weakest of fighting retreats.

Lurky the Loquacious said...

The best way to make your point is to become angry when nobody understands what you're getting at, Sean. It's far more effective than calmly and rationally explaining it.

Dodo Bird said...

As per the more recent, a hopeless woman hater. Just look at the sputtering, foaming at the mouth viciousness you meet any contradictions to you presuppositions. Any reasonable person would take the clues Jill is trying to tell you to heart. You don't understand women. You seem to be fixated on some horrid past event that combined you personal esteem and perhaps you body with a significant women. I don't know...where you raped by a woman as a child???? Seriously, dude, therapy. Now.

zoegirl said...

How did I miss the SarahsDaugther and Sean cat fight?

@SarahsDaughter - even though most men like long hair there are some that prefer short hair. I remember reading in a Dress For Success book that engineers in particular like short hair on women. My father was an engineer and he could not stand my long hair. He found it as impractical as the shoes I wore. My brother, also and engineer, prefers short hair. Men such as this do exist.

@Sean - I'm glad you and your husband agree on your hair length. As I mentioned on the other hair post, mine is medium long but graying. I'm not big on using chemicals. I like what God gave me also, and fortunately my husband thinks it's hot! Strangely enough, I often get compliments on my hair from other men also. I say, whatever works, go with it!

Sean said...

I decided to comment to clarify my position (name call away)
1. I usually don't post when people talk about beauty b/c it usually doesn't apply.
2. This is not snowflaking b/c no matter how many chemicals, how much fake hair, or how much makeup I put on, I will NEVER, NEVER,NEVER look like the european ideal. The photo on Roissy's site is laughable to me.
3. You obviously don't know 10 black men b/c if you did you would know that 5 would prefer grier afro and 5 would prefer straight hair. Remember the 70's when most black women had afros & black men just dropped them in droves?? No? b/c it didn't happen.
4. If you think the lousy marriage rate among black women is b/c of game you are mistaken. The lousy marriage rate is b/c black women have lost their minds. They are so busy proving to each other they don't need a man, by getting degrees, money careers and raising kids on their own. This is considered "successful" by other black women. By the time they decide they want a man they are too old and used to get one. I don't blame black men, what are you supposed to do when black women push you away or only go after bad boys b/c they are proving to the sisterhood they don't need a man?

SarahsDaughter said...


Zoegirl, of course I realize some men like short hair. What do most prefer? Some men like men. This does nothing to assist women who are looking to attract available men.

Our anecdotes about the black men we know are not going to lend much credence to the honest nature of men and what they prefer. The internet and its proliferation of sites such as “Hot or Not” are much better indicators of men’s true attraction levels. If a husband looks at his wife with long hair and says, “honey, I want you to cut your hair because that’s what I find sexy and attractive” then she is right to do so, it’s what he prefers. On the other hand if she has long hair , decides to cut it off on her own, comes home, and surprises him with it, it doesn’t matter what he says. His love for her and inability to tell her the truth has overshadowed his preferences. Should a woman know her husband prefers long hair and cut it anyway, she is lacking in respect and submission. Chances are there are many other glaring challenges in the marriage as well. (Wouldn’t you agree, Zoegirl?) I maintain (and would suggest to those that advise single women) the default should be long hair until further notice.

Most women don’t look like the “European ideal,” so what do they do? They search out websites where men are talking candidly about their preferences and do what is in their power to go from being a 3 to a 6.

Sean, you have an interesting perspective on why the marriage rate is so poor with black women. There is a more sinister perspective having to do with an elite class that desires to propagate the destruction of the black family which feeds off of the cultural negatives that you are speaking of.

Sean said...

SD the type of man that finds Victoria Beckham pretty will never find me pretty no matter what I do. So my hair being in an Afro makes no difference. We are not on the same scale. The men who find me pretty will not find Victoria pretty. The trick for most women is not to waste time competing for men whose aesthetic you will never please without huge amounts of unsustainable alterations. Instead be high on the scale of men who are naturally drawn to your look.

zoegirl said...

The trick for most women is not to waste time competing for men whose aesthetic you will never please without huge amounts of unsustainable alterations. Instead be high on the scale of men who are naturally drawn to your look. - Sean

I agree. At 5' tall, I can wear heels to make myself 2-3 inches taller. But I can't do that all the time. If a man is attracted to 5'2" but not 5'0" (and there are guys like that), then he isn't for me. I don't want to feel unsexy to my husband when I take my shoes off. The point is, I feel best when he is attracted to me at my best, not to a modified me. That he desires the natural me, has a huge impact on my desire for him and my ability to drop inhibitions based on my own insecurities.

zoegirl said...

Should a woman know her husband prefers long hair and cut it anyway, she is lacking in respect and submission. Chances are there are many other glaring challenges in the marriage as well. (Wouldn’t you agree, Zoegirl?)

Yes, I agree. But cutting hair that can be grown long is completely different than having to maintain extensions and dye jobs.

SarahsDaughter said...

I was in the process of highlighting my hair when my husband said to me, "why don't you color all of your hair that color?" My response literally was "what, porn star blonde?" He said, "yes, I'd really love that on you." I told him that in order for me to maintain it, It would cost approximately $100/month for the color and the product I would need to keep it healthy. He was fine with that investment - he was an E3 in the Army at that time, not exactly raking it in financially but yet this was a priority for him in the budget. For me to complain or bemoan it because it's not how God created me would have been of no benefit to our marriage.
So, within a marriage, it is very important to find out what it is that your husband desires, be honest about the expense (should there be one), and decide accordingly. Since I was already chemically treating my hair (and find nothing against God's will doing so) it wasn't a stretch for my husband to request what he did. Of course this has nothing to do with unchangeable features.

It hasn't gone unnoticed there's been no comment regarding the removal of unwanted/undesirable hair on our God created bodies.

When it comes to single women, I would advise them to color away gray hair, wear it long (braids, extensions, weaves), and quit lying to themselves about what it is men are looking for.
Having spent a significant amount of time in the villes of South Korea, I can say the physical height of the Philippine "juicy girls" mattered little, they ALL had long hair. Also, if a woman is overweight/obese and single, long hair will be her ticket to attracting a mate. Women with physical disadvantages (i.e. Philippine women with bodies that resemble 13 yr old boys, and fat women) will benefit from long hair in the dating world. It is just not something that can be disputed.

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