Wednesday, January 24, 2018

It's the wrong kind of tough

On my last post, Robert Browning commented:

"You are wrong. This guy is very tough. The is as tough as nails. He took an oath. He mad a promise. And no matter what hell or torment his wife put him through this guy is going to keep his word to the day he dies and stay loyal and true."

Yes, sticking to your marriage vows, come hell or high water, is tough. It is honorable. It is absolutely what a man should do.

Oftentimes you see the refrain of "dump the bitch!" or "time to trade in for a younger model!" in the manosphere. Marriage is a God-ordained covenant, however, so jumping off because your wife is a pain or simply getting tiresome or old isn't a viable option, unless you're a pagan. In that case, you're going to hell anyhow, so breaking a marriage vow is the least of your worries.

My grandfather told me "staying married is easy - you just don't divorce."

Unfortunately, if your wife doesn't feel the same way, your decision to stay married can be overruled.

Staying in a bad marriage because you made a promise is "tough," but letting your wife walk all over you is not. That's so obviously wrong that it makes other men cringe and women loathe you.

It's not an either/or choice. "Lose your marriage" or "be a doormat" is a false dichotomy. There is a third way, and it's called game.

Coming back from the pit our previous example dug himself into wouldn't be easy, but it is possible. It would be tough - but it would be the kind of tough that comes from testosterone and grit, not just hanging on by your fingernails.

If you tell her enough is enough and she rebels, so what? You're already not getting sex or respect or even love. And if she breaks the covenant, you're off the hook. Work your way back towards headship. If she's a Christian, tell her that both of you have screwed things up and need to get back to a Biblical marriage.

Seriously, what do you have to lose? Better to live as a man.


Robert Browning said...

He knows her. He knows she has a heart.

mike said...

As the Spanish rebels said so well...better to die on your feet than live on your knees.

Ron said...

With respect, the third way isn't game. The third way is for men to mind their own business and have the sense not to get involved in another man's marriage. What do I mean by this? Well, not to put too fine a point on it, but there was a time when police did not involve themselves in domestic disputes.

Now a woman can literally club her husband (a marine) into unconsciousness and if he even calls the police, he will be hauled off and thrown into a cage on the orders of a black robed maniac. That happened.

This is what dalrock calls the Duluth model, where all domestic violence is assumed to be the fault of men. Where anything that happens is effectively the fault of men. THIS is the real issue. In this environment, unless a man is willing and ready to walk away from everything he has then he is stuck.

And so our options are as follows:

1. get obscenely lucky (a woman of valor, who can find)
2. be a dancing monkey (game)
3. live in a cage
4. invest no emotion into anything in your life, because at a moment it can and probably will be taken away from you

None of the above options appeal to me. Even option 1 still leaves me with a Damoclean sword hanging over my head.

The option I prefer is when men begin to realize that the way we are conducting our society and treating one another is wrong. If they cannot realize that, because some people just aren't capable of rising past their own self interests to learn, then move to one that can.

JohnConstantine said...

My mother behaves much, much reaosnable since I shouted a few times to her and made it clear she wouldn't have a career if it hadn't been for my grandfather who got her a job back in the day.
Go figure.

JohnConstantine said...

The corollary being, I mean, that you can shout at pretty much everybody if it comes to it.

will said...

'Nothing to lose' mentality can lead to a better situation for a man in a sexless marriage. I've seen these men find a mistress, or sugar baby, begin their own financial endeavors (with the wife's disapproval) into real estate with great success, and even pursue better health and fitness (again with ongoing disapproval from their wife). A man can create his own life without prioritizing his marriage (is this part of game? perhaps) yet remain in it for various reasons.

rumpole5 said...

"The two shall become one flesh." I expect to be able to enjoy my wife for my pleasure, and I try to afford her the same perogative. That is what she is There for. We began our married life sleeping in my single bed in 1979 and we're still sleep in the same double bed now.

Post a Comment