Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Sowing wild oats never ends

The idea that promiscuous individuals will "get it out of their system" turns out to be generally untrue:
Your partner’s relationship history also plays a part: if they’ve cheated on other partners, it’s more likely they will cheat on you.

One recent study found every person you sleep with before marriage increases your likelihood of cheating by one per cent. The ‘sow your wild oats’ theory turns out to be rubbish. Far from getting it out of your system, the more your partner slept around before you settled down, the more likely they are to have an affair.
While I can testify that this is not always the case, it is in general true that the more an individual gets around prior to marriage, the more likely they are to do so during marriage. This is particularly true if they have not significantly altered their lifestyle in any way.


Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Yes, as I can report from personal experience, this is largely true. After you reach a certain number, the search for variety takes over and the idea of staying with one partner becomes strange, laughable, and (for a man) unnatural. Men have an imperative to get around. Sperm is cheap, and we might drop dead at any moment, so why limit yourself to one female?

In related news, my understanding is that a lot of young White men are terribly beta and gamma and are highly sexually-inexperienced. I'm hearing first-hand reports from a young colleague in the office that a lot of his White male Millennial friends are guys still with their first girlfriend and are asking him about what it's like sleeping with other women. Sad! These are the kinds of sad-sacks who marry young, divorce early, and get financially-raped in the courts by their sweetheart. They need to learn Game and get out there.

Anonymous said...

We live in an age without memory, when everything old is new again.

Every day, as we discover it afresh.

I think I'm adopted.

Crowhill said...

A person's character doesn't change just because they walk down the aisle and put on a ring.

Matt said...

Creatures of habit.

Johnny said...

I anticipate it would be true in general, but a one percent increase per reported sexual partner is not a very high level of correlation. Lower than I would expect actually. Bet-ya what dominates the study are a set of guys who report enormous numbers, and very likely do get around also. Naturally the are unlikely to be loyal partners.

Cash Gorman said...

I don't agree, I ran the roads until I was almost 34, after a while sleeping with yet another woman whose name I don't recall ever being mentioned lost much of it's attraction. Many older players will tell you the same thing, chasing pussy should be secondary to building your overall life.

I got married at 33 and was faithful for 24 years, was I sometimes tempted? sure, but the prize was like spending $100.00 to win a $2.00 stuffed toy at a Carnival. my X, who only slept with two other guys before me ( verified) before me was the one who eventually cheated.

Tatooine Sharpshooters' Club said...

By this logic, shouldn't alkies, junkies, and face-stuffin' fatties eventually "get it out of their systems"? Since that rarely seems to be the case, it would seem the logical conclusion is it's impossible to wear out the charge from feeding the pleasure center in one's brain.

Sure, as people age, they start to run lower on energy (a generalization, I know), but that doesn't really result in a change of behavior or mindset, just a less vigorous pursuit of those pleasures.

Verne said...

As a young man. I had a lot of girls. I never learned to say no. I married So for years I just never let myself be where the question would come up. When a girl was friendly I invited her over where my wife was. Never put myself in that spot. Can it be done. I don't know I lasted 18 years until I just wanted too and did. And was caught 10 years after the affair. My only affair. Can it be done? I think so but I failed. Knowing what your missing. Knowing it's easy to do. Knowing that it doesn't mean anything. It makes it all too easy to do. I failed

SirHamster said...

The existence of the Coolidge effect suggests novelty doesn't wear off biologically.

For those who do get tired of it, then that would make it a spiritual fatigue - a hunger for companionship that doesn't get filled and draws one to something else.

Casher O'Neill said...

The stats are worse than this optimistic study suggests see eg

dc.sunsets said...

Promiscuity (for men or women) embeds memories and (often false) expectations that can't be escaped. It is patently obvious that sexual hedonism is a vice (a self-harming activity undertaken in the mistaken expectation of happiness.) Casual sex is the ultimate expression of high time preference, of dopamine addiction, and it embeds inability to control impulses. No wonder so many people are perpetual adolescents.

Our whole Pop Culture milieu exists to induce people to fuck up their lives and be lonely, atomized and unhappy. Sexual variety is lauded when, in fact, it's no different than trying to live in the fiction/fantasy of a porn vid. The girl who acts like Linda Lovelace actually is just purposely F-ing up the man's mind, trying to insure that subsequent women will pale by comparison and make him less happy.

Honorable people can control themselves. People addicted to casual intimacy break the link between physical intimacy and emotional intimacy, and having done so lose an important element in maintaining a lifelong commitment to their spouse. No wonder so many people who engaged in casual sex are equally casual about divorcing a spouse (and fucking over their kids because, well, mom's or dad's "happiness" or "freedom" uber alles.)

If there was a way to spit on the keyboard and have it show here, I'd do it.

dc.sunsets said...

(Rant continues...) Time happens. We all age (or die trying.) The beautiful young woman or handsome young man you married will GET OLD. You can deny it all you want, escape into delusion, attempt to convince yourself that you're not aging...but happiness won't result. Who thinks they'll be happy sailing through their 60's, 70's, 80's...alone? Solitude is overrated.

Sex is, what? 0.00001% for making kids, the rest is for....FUN? Grow the fuck up. If that's all it's for, you're doing it wrong. It is for Fun AND (!) to enhance emotional intimacy. This latter is (Trust Me) an essential element of growing old together. The FUN (!) factor is what you make of it. A couple of "kids" whose children are grown and on their own are limited only by their sense of adventure when it comes to the bedroom. Anyone who thinks some stranger role-playing in bed is going to be better than a spouse who truly loves and trusts you, well, that "anyone" is a moron always chasing an illusion.

The fewer experiences you embed from "adolescence," the better. Sexual "experience" doesn't make you a better lover. It fills your bedroom with ghosts, most of which are malevolent. If you grasp that sex is one of the most important ingredients of sustaining a lifelong partnership that keeps the wolf of loneliness at bay for a lifetime, you are ahead of the vast majority of people who are obviously too stupid to reason this out for themselves.

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