Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Post-divorce reality

A women who blew up her own marriage belatedly discovers that her husband isn't as unattractive to other women as he was to her:
Every time I have told someone about the divorce, all I hear is, "He will move on before you. The men always do." Or, "Oh the men need someone so he'll marry again before you do." Or, "Well you know...men get over these things quickly. The women stay alone."

I felt rattled by these words because based on every stranger, coworker and friend, women suffer through loneliness and men find happiness instantaneously. It was the fiftieth time in my life that I wished for a penis.

'Why is this?" I asked, angry at my supposed lot--the lot of the lonely woman.

And it wasn't just the lot of the lonely woman I had just received but the lot of amicable divorce turned sad, according to random psychics, I mean, strangers, coworkers, and friends.

"Wait til he finds a girlfriend. Oh that will be so hard on you."

Doomed. Doomed before we even stand in front of a judge and agree to be divorced.

I said no way. I said I would be OK. I could handle a girlfriend--least from a decent distance. There was no way I could crumble. I had this.

Of course, then I heard about him dating.

The words. When I knew, I felt as if someone had put a shotgun to my gut. That night I cried for most of the night. In fact, I am pretty sure I have just been random waterworks as if I were a pregnant lady ever since. If you aren't sure if it's me, see if the woman is crying. If yes, chances are it's me.

Everyone was right. He moved on first--I mean, I guess in terms of dating, more successfully. I have not dated successfully. It's not because I don't want to, but mostly because I hate online dating and let's face it: as a single mom in her late thirties with all married friends and who works all the time, when am I going to meet anyone else otherwise? And the few men I have lightly interacted with were not people that were on my same playing field. All in all, it's been a barren period.
I always find it remarkable how few women are capable of learning from the example of others when it comes to age, sex, and sexual market value. But I guess that makes sense; no one who regards himself as a special snowflake is ever going to be capable of grasping the simple concept that there, but for the grace of God, go I.


SciVo said...

It's amazing. They think that true lifetime commitments must be anti-woman, just because men are willing to make them.

The irrationality, it burns.

One Fat Oz Guy said...

I'm seeing this now from the other side: a guy a work with, late 40s, two sons about 18 years old, wife dropped the bomb out of nowhere.
He's just started dating a yoga instructor in her early 30s and it's been less than three months!
He wasn't looking around, but apparently she was really keen when she heard he was divorced.
Haven't met the wife, but sure she'd be pretty upset about now.

Anonymous said...

I divorced 4 years ago at near 50 and it has been remarkable. Around the same time of divorce, I discovered the manosphere. I didn't seek nor achieve to be some major player but it sure did help my presentation. Where in my twenties I could barely get a date, I now just do. If photos come out, I have heard more than a couple times that I am much more handsome than I was back then.

Anchorman said...

And the few men I have lightly interacted with were not people that were on my same playing field.

Where's my hunky billionaire, handyman, ready to be tamed?

The real question is, "Will she warn other women or try to drag them down with her so she has company and maybe can climb above them on the social ladder?"

Ron said...

It's interesting that she is more upset about his moving on then her own loneliness.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Love it! This reflects my own experiences meeting 30-50-something single women. The loneliness and despair are real. The alcoholism and self-medication are real, too. But they do manage to put on a good game face, don't they?

Anchorman said...

Keep in mind, there are men out there for her.

She rejects them as not being suitable enough for her, based on her self-perception. It's clearly delusion, but it's "reality" for her.

She doesn't have to be lonely. She doesn't need to marry again.

She would rather cut off her nose to spite her face. She has met men. She has met the quality of men who will have her at her age and in her situation.

I'm glad she is still in delusion and doesn't rope in another guy she isn't attracted to just so she isn't lonely.

Thomas Howard said...

Evuntus stultorum magister.

Trust said...

Love the hamsters. If men fare better, it's because they are worse in some way (get over it sooner, can't be alone, etc.). If women fare better, it's because they are better.

Cash Gorman said...

Let's be clear, some men are better off, and those are generally the guys who have come across the manosphere and put the red pill advice to good use...The rest who remain wallowing in the blue pill belief system have a suicide rate five times that of newly divorced women...I got dumped at 56 after 24 years of marriage, I'm now 60 with a 5'10" 135 lb 35 year old redhead in pursuit of me. Gentlemen, hit the Gym, buy a motorcycle and update your wardrobe, a new world awaits.

Unknown said...

as a single mom in her late thirties with all married friends and who works all the time, when am I going to meet anyone else otherwise? And the few men I have lightly interacted with were not people that were on my same playing field.

There it is. They ARE on your playing field, honey. You're in your late thirties, with (maybe) a handful of good eggs left, a sagging face and body, and kids who I'm sure you tell everyone "are your life." On top of that, you're still emotionally invested in another man's dick. If you were a car, you'd be a 1995 station wagon with 10 previous owners and a transmission that's about 3000 miles from needing an overhaul, plus an iffy title. What special gifts do you think you bring to the table that a man should get excited about?

If a man has any job at all, is paying child support to no more than one other woman, isn't near bankruptcy, and doesn't look like he's one good sprint away from a heart attack, then he IS on your playing field.

Not only that, but there are about a billion other snowflakes just like you out there, and they all suck and fuck on the first date (though "date" is an overly strong term for what's usually required), so there's not much to keep a man from sampling from that buffet for a while. You'd better bring your A-game.

hank.jim said...

"He will move on before you. The men always do."

Funny comment. Do they realize this is not time limited? The women divorcees are unlikely to move on at all.

After my divorce, I didn't want to date or marry. I was so turned off by women. About 8 years later, I decided enough of the single life. I dated and found someone and married 10 years post-divorce. My ex-wife is still living with her parents almost 20 years later. I have no knowledge of her dating history so I imagine it wasn't successful. Its a numbers game. Women must choose from a smaller pool of older men that are capable of supporting a wife. Men have a larger pool of younger women willing to choose him.

Unknown said...

If it's going to bother you to know that your husband is banging someone else, then maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't, you know, divorce him. Just a thought. My oscillating fan quit the other day, so I threw it out. If I didn't want anyone else to use it because of some emotional attachment, I would have kept it.

Or broken it into tiny pieces before throwing it out, so that no one else could get any use from it. Which I guess is what she hoped the divorce process would do to him.

David said...

This happened to a coworker about five years ago. They were in their early 30s. His wife cheated on him, they got divorced, and a few months later he's dating a girl in her early 20s while she was living with her parents. My coworker and the girl got married and have a couple kids now, while she's single.

357Delta said...

Either he found game, or was already a Delta or higher. Deltas can be heartbroken but will move on sooner or later. Gammas wallow and may never recover.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

@ Cash ~ Superb advice! I frequently see older men w/ significantly younger women around here. The kwy is to keep fit and be interesting.

Anonymous said...


Refraining from letting your physique degenerate into "dad bod" automatically makes you seem younger. Looks in men are overrated, but health still counts for something in female hindbrains.

liberranter said...

I always find it remarkable how few women are capable of learning from the example of others when it comes to age, sex, and sexual market value. But I guess that makes sense; no one who regards himself as a special snowflake is ever going to be capable of grasping the simple concept that there, but for the grace of God, go I.

I've said it again and again, but it obviously bears infinite repetition:

Women do not understand Cause and Effect. They are also utterly incapable of introspection.*

Internalize this axiom and the juvenile ravings of Mizz Dipschitz and all others of her ilk make perfect sense in context.

(*I will even be so bold as to assert that these two things are related in terms of the problems for women that they create.)

bw said...

"and let's face it"

That is exactly hat she had no desire to do, yet is now being forced to do.
Perpetual children.

"..no one who regards himself" VD

Sexist old school grammar misogynist.
Just Evil.

Puzzle Privateer said...

"And the few men I have lightly interacted with were not people that were on my same playing field. "

Hawt guise won't date me! #WarOnWomen

Unknown said...

I know a woman who got divorced, realized it wasn't Utopia, wanted to get back together with her husband, than found he had replaced her with an 18-year-old Filipina.

Dark Herald said...

On the rare occasions that it is the man who dumps the woman. The dumping is the end of matter. It's over honey, move on with your life. Screw my best friend if you want. I really won't care.

There is closure when it's the man.

For a woman however. What women wants when they dump a man, is for a man to go home and start carving her name into his arm over and over until he dies of starvation.

There is never closure for a woman.

I don't know if this is some primordial desire to have a man's gene code all to herself or if it's simply a need to feel more desirable than any other woman on Earth. Regardless the results are always the same.

Here is the perfect example.

hank.jim said...

My ex called me at work 6 months after the divorce was finalized. I told her I can't talk to her anymore and repeated it several times. She kept on wanting a conversation and wanted to know what I was doing. I refused to answer. Finally she said "then don't talk to me". That was my cue to hang up. She didn't call me since.

Terrific said...

My story is not the usual but still somewhat pertinent to this post.

My wife divorced me after 19 years and two kids. As Vox describes the committed Christian, I've never had a sexual market value, but I did have marriage market value and I knew it. So I went on eharmony looking for a wife and waited for a woman to show interest in me. In almost no time one did.

We were the same age and her husband had died of a heart attack at age 53. In our correspondence before meeting I asked her a lot about him because I wanted to see what she thought/felt about him as a man. I discovered that she had loved him very much and still missed him. I considered that a good sign. Most importantly, from this I discovered that she actually LIKED men. That is, men as men, not as girlfriends with dicks or emotional tampons. She genuinely likes masculine behavior the way women used to like masculine behavior. Even those guy behaviors pop culture mocks and derides. And more importantly, she knew she liked it, too.

We met and began dating. In no time we were engaged, now married. It was actually her attitude about women and men that pointed me in the direction of the red pill. I would try to pedestalize her and she would shoot me down, saying, "No, dear. Women are not princesses and I am not your queen. You just don't get it. Women are like buses. There's always another one coming along. I have nothing you couldn't get from a hundred other women on any street corner in America."

This language shocked me! I wanted to have oneitis. I wanted to pretend we were soulmates! I wanted to be Solomon in The Song of Songs and pretend she was my Shulamite maiden! Men truly are the real romantics, the truly selfless lovers of women. Yet women truly have nothing to offer us that we can't get just about anywhere else.

Also, she would force me to make decisions whenever I deferred to her. She never said it was because I was the man, or that they were my decisions because I was the man, but I finally caught on.

I wasn't blue pill in my youth. Nor was I red pill. I was a Christian, committed to following God's will for my life to the best of my ability. So I was dedicated to goals other than women, which I knew made me attractive to women. I swallowed the blue pill AFTER marriage and it was the Blue Pill Special of American Churchianity! I am convinced THAT is what caused the destruction of my first marriage. I totally lost my Man of God frame and turned into a near-sniveling religious mangina. Thank you, James Dobson, Gary Smalley, Gary Chapman (The 5 Love Languages), et al.

My new wife and I have been together for eight years now and I know we'll be together as long as I want us to be. I know I could do better even now, especially since discovering red pill wisdom, but there's no need. I need two things from a wife: friendly, stress-free companionship and sexual release. She is very low maintenance, very companionable, and reliably provides me with sex whenever I want - literally. What more does a man need from a woman?

Oh, and after a brief stint in an abusive lesbian relationship, my ex-wife is still single. And happily so. She says.

deadman said...

Cheers Vox. One of the most amusing things I've read all day.

Harry Berry said...

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Bob Loblaw said...

And the few men I have lightly interacted with were not people that were on my same playing field.

Heh heh. No, honey. You may not want to face it, but that's your field.

Harry Berry said...

You wake up you can use your brain power to take something that's nothing in turn it into something great with minimal effort is a feeling that can even be described in it said BrainPeak because most will never know the true power but the subconscious mind empowering is in a strong man of war god-like is a more fitting description i've made this my reality in.


Anonymous said...

Heh heh. No, honey. You may not want to face it, but that's your field.

And the grass will only get thinner (and the tumbleweeds thicker) with time, sweetheart.

The Overgrown Hobbit said...

I was able to convince a woman I knew of this truth and so headed of her plans to divorce her husband. So instead she toughed it out. Still married last I heard. Neither of the adullts was a prize, but I really liked the kids. I tell women: If you mean it when you say you love your child, prove it by finding a way to love and respect their dad (or mom, as the case may be.)

Harry Berry said...

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Ron said...

@Tom K

She has valor. Sounds like you got a gem, good for you.

Harry Berry said...

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Rex Little said...

As with all generalizations, there are exceptions. My wife moved on before we separated. Her previous husband hasn't married or had a relationship of any length in the 28 years they've been divorced.

Harry Berry said...

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tz said...


If a wife seeks a Divorce, is it better to leave the corpse in the forest for the grizzlies and wolves, or the barren desert areas for the coyotes or at the bottom of a rather deep resevior?

Unknown said...

Heh heh. No, honey. You may not want to face it, but that's your field.
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Terrific said...

Not that anyone here will care, but that 30 year old you're dating at 55? She wants your stuff.

Remember Anna Nicole Smith? It's all hypergamy. But at least you'll have a nurse to take care of you when your in your 80s. Unless she's trying to kill you to "hurry God along"! LOL!!

Reminds me of about a half dozen Twilight Zone episodes.

Harry Berry said...

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Unknown said...

Evuntus stultorum magister.
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