Saturday, April 4, 2015

Breaking the scars

Good Looking Loser explains how being excluded from the in-group left lasting scars on him that inhibited his socio-sexual development:
A lot of girls made themselves available to me but I really didn't know what to do about it.

I also had an unhealthy attitude about it.

I loved that girls at my high school noticed me and talked about me.

It gave meaning to my life.

It made me insecure instead of COMPLETELY insecure.

But a big part of me was more bitter than ever. Girls were only interested because I became good looking when years before - they wouldn't even speak to me.

I turned down a lot of girls with pride.

Some girls - right to their face.

I decided I was absolutely not going to hook up with any girls wouldn't give me the time of day just 1 year ago.

I told myself and my bewildered friends that "I WILL NEVER SELL OUT."

While this was a temporary absurd self-esteem boost, it cost me dearly.

I went to college with very little sexual experience and a huge ego.

It was probably the main reason I only had a average sex life in college.

I was scared and still terrified of rejection.
Fear is the single most important factor that prevents a man from rising in the socio-sexual hierarchy. This fear can be externally imposed or it can be internal, but in either case, it prevents a man from doing what he knows to be the right thing, from what he hopes will change his circumstances, or from even approaching the women in whom he is interested.

It wasn't pride that kept Chris from hooking up with girls who wouldn't give him the time of day one year before, it was fear that they were going to reject him at some point and thereby invalidate all the positive changes that had taken place in his life. I understand, because I went through much the same transformation in my own life around the same age; the only time I went out with a girl from my high school, she was two years younger and a new transfer student. And we only went on one date. I went out with a lot of pretty girls everywhere from Mounds View, Irondale, and Centennial to Blake, Edina, Jefferson and Kennedy. But not a single girl from my own school.

Rejection, whether it is from the group or from a woman, hurts. But it is rather like contact martial arts. The first time you get punched in the face, it is normal to go into shock. By the tenth time, so long as you don't break anything or get physically stunned, you'll shake it off quickly. By the one hundredth time, it will barely register with you, you'll simply file it away under "okay, that didn't work" and you won't even remember it otherwise.

Don't be afraid to be rejected, learn to push for rejection. Don't avoid the possibility of rejection, push to reach that moment of truth faster. Because the faster you are rejected, the faster you fail, the sooner you can move on to more fertile grounds, more receptive audiences, and more accepting groups.


Dark Herald said...

Rejection, whether it is from the group or from a woman, hurts. But it is rather like contact martial arts. The first time you get punched in the face, it is normal to go into shock.

Dealing rejection is an important part of the process. It's one of the hardest things to get used to.

My best considered advice is, don't make it easier on yourself. Forget about the clubs and go with daytime approaches. Yes, it's a lot more scarey and yes, you are going get shot down a lot more because you are scared. .

The girls are going to subliminally pick up on the fact that you are nervous talking to them and reject you for it. It's basically a passive initial shit test. Are you able to calmly and confidently able to approach me? Ah... this appears to be a no. Thank you, for your passing, if creepy interest, goodbye

Do it. It's necessary. Think of it in terms of a martial artist who builds up some very impressive callouses on his hands, by hitting a Wing Chun wooden dummy.

Don't bring your wing man along for this. This long road has to be walked all alone.

A couple of things to remind yourself of before starting. Guys are only afraid of rejection. Girls are afraid of kidnap, rape and murder. You as a guy are only worried about being in a hairy situation once every few weeks.

Girls are in fear for their lives several times a day. No, honestly they are. It's the actual reason they travel in herds and why they go to potty in teams. Bad news, they are right to be scared. The average adult woman is only about as strong as the average fourteen year old male. And women know it. (*)

Before approaching a woman remind yourself what she's afraid of from a stranger. It's why confidence is so important. A confident man is a man with options. A confident man can take her or leave her. A confident man is not so eaten by his own desires that he is a threat to her. Or at least that will be her perception.

Don't be afraid to punch above your weight class because you have nothing to loose. And frankly 9s get hit on less than 7s, you have a better chance than you think...(maybe).

Remind yourself that no woman on Earth woke up this morning, thinking, "God, I hope no man finds me attractive today. I really don't want anyone will find me desirable at all."

If you get rejected, try not to take it personally. Okay, you will. This is about as personal a rejection as there is. Here are few crutches to help you deal with it.

1. Watch Cary Grant movies and try to figure out how he would deal with it because that shit still works miracles.

2. There were several possible factors in play here. She might have been in a foul mood. She might be in a relationship and is serious about it. Or most painful of all, she really wasn't attracted to you at all.

3. Remind yourself, every, no, gets you closer to, yes.

Be ready to say, "okay." Turn and walk away. And sooner rather than later as you are walking away you are going to hear, "hey, wait a minute..."

. (*Possible exception being SJW Feminists who are consciously rejecting this objective reality. This results at least in part, for their well known cognitive dissonance. So for fuck's sake never hit on SJWs. That's just common sense.*)

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Tru dat.

With every rejection, you're one step closer to a bang.

J. Sullivan said...

This is very much like what I went through.

I graduated high school when I was 17. I was a 'late bloomer' as they say: I weighed 85lbs and was exactly 5' tall. I was the subject of a great deal of psychological ridicule and physical bullying. And no matter what I tried, no high school girl wanted anything to do with a guy that could have passed for a 6th grader.

But, the end result was this: You learn to take a beating, physically and emotionally. You get it every day. As hard as it was, few things helped me more in my adulthood. Mostly because, when you've suffered 'othering' and beating, sometimes with the tacit approval of the adults who are supposed to be protecting you, you learn that life isn't fair. You learn who you're friends are and who the brave ones are. You learn that there isn't much people can actually do to you, other than kill you, which will really do any more damage. The damage is already done.

Rejection? Rejection by a woman in adulthood is nothing compared to what happens every day in the Crucible of High School.

Between my first and second year of college, I grew to an average 5' 9" tall and an athletic, if slender 140lbs. I was a faster runner than I ever thought I would be and turned out to be pretty damn agile.

And for a brief period, I would reject women that I perceived to be the same type as those that were cruel in high school.

Then I grew up and embraced the fact that A) I no longer cared what people thought, since I was stronger because of my experience and B) it doesn't help to convict people for the crimes of others and C) part of growth is forgiveness.

It did wonders for my health and my social life. It suddenly didn't really matter what I looked like or who I had been before.

Life is good now. A great wife, two healthy kids.

I would say to anyone who isn't an Alpha: Don't let fear get in the way. And don't let hate hold you back.

Dexter said...

I went out with a lot of pretty girls everywhere from Mounds View, Irondale, and Centennial to Blake, Edina, Jefferson and Kennedy. But not a single girl from my own school.

This is actually a good strategy to adopt deliberately. I did not approach girls from my own school, but went after the ones I met in other venues. So this is another good reason to be involved in lots of extra-curricular activities.

My martial arts rank gave me confidence and status when talking to the female white belts. =)

Beefy Levinson said...

I was overweight and had bad acne for my first two years of high school. I took their teasing to heart and I was virtually a shut-in for a while because I was so afraid and felt so bad. Fortunately my father noticed, and gave me a good heart to heart. By senior year, my skin had cleared up, I lost the extra weight through lifting, and I stopped caring whether the popular kids liked me or not. They did start to like me then which I couldn't figure out at the time, but looking back on it now with red pill glasses it makes sense. The fear is still there in some situations, i.e. cold approaching a pretty stranger. But I've learned to act anyway.

Ingemar said...

100 days of rejection.

Brad Andrews said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brad Andrews said...

Any success stories that don't celebrate immoral behavior?

J. Sullivan said...

Last time I checked, I don't believe that I ever embraced immoral behavior. A careful reading of Beefy Levinson's comment doesn't reveal any outwardly immoral behavior either.

I wonder what kind of point you're trying to make....

Anonymous said...

I partly get what this guy is saying. I mean, if a girl ONLY likes you because of your physical appearance, then that's a pretty shallow and petty relationship. I think this guy took to heart too much that idea that "it's what's on the inside that counts."

The problem is he just assumed they only wanted sex without even trying. He gave up too early. A relationship will begin with looks but should then become deeper. Yeah, the inside counts, but the outside does too, mind and body.

Anonymous said...

If you're really into rejection, you should harass random girls walking down the street. Say things like, "Hey beautiful. You look good. I'd like to get into those pants."

But if a girl is flirting with you without even trying then she's already infatuated with you. She's idealizing you, ignoring your mistakes and flaws, which means the probability of rejection should be very low. The ability to read body language and tell when a girl really likes you is key. (It can also help avoid being accused of date rape.)

mmaier2112 said...

You have to be semi-thick of skull to not get what Brad's point was.

Much of the PUA-o'Sphere is obsessed with "getting the bang". Which is fornication. Which is sinful. Since Vox is a Christian, he has fans that grab onto that part of him without realizing that this site isn't about morality. IIRC, Vox has said as much. It is about the raw intellectual dissection of male / female social / sexual interaction.

Brad: for myself, I worry about that myself. I know how I have manipulated women attraction-wise. It's not difficult. And I have used it to fornicate. I'm not bragging, just stating a fact.

The tool is there to be used. I do not have advice on using attraction to wed a woman and keep hot sex solely inside of marriage. I have stayed out of the game for a while now and I do not see how I can use the tools of attraction and not fornicate. I get dejected thinking of it, actually.

But I will say that I absolutely reject the idea that you do not have to use these tools on your wife to keep her in line. Human nature is what it is and women need a firm hand.

J. Sullivan said...


I guess I need issue a sarcasm warning since I did get his point.

R Beisert said...

"Fear is the mind killer..."

Brad Andrews said...


I was seeking to know if anyone had "success stories" that didn't require "getting the woman into bed." I can't recall any of those at the moment and the most likely reply to threads like this are stories of how men finally came into that goal.

A society with that as the goal is not much worth preserving.

Though you are certainly correct that the principles are not limited to that.

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