Saturday, August 2, 2014

Back to the basics

I was at a public event yesterday, not a massive one, but about 300 people in a self-contained space. It was mostly families, so there were a fair number of people who were not paired up from the ages of 15 to 30.

There were several attractive girls and young women there who appeared to be unattached. There were also a number of good-looking young men. What I found interesting is that at no point did I see any of the young men attempt to talk to any of young women. That doesn't mean it didn't happen; I wasn't paying much attention to any of them. But I saw no signs of any young men even attempting to speak to anyone outside of their own little groups, which normally one would expect to have occasionally observed over the course of several hours.

This is the very first principle of Game a man has to accept: be proactive, not reactive. If you see an attractive girl, don't wait for "the right moment", but go and talk to her. Start with "hello". This is not necessarily with an eye to getting her number or finding out if she is taken, but simply to get oneself into the habit of speaking to attractive women as a matter of course. It's really not that hard.

If you're a single man, set a goal of approaching and speaking to seven female strangers this week. That's just one per day. Nothing fancy, no pressure, just going up and speaking to them, even if it's only to ask them the time. The objective is for it to become so natural that you will no longer suffer approach anxiety when you come across a woman in whom you are actually interested.


CostelloM said...

And just like in lifting weights keep a *LOG*. It is easy to miss a day because of (insert lame excuse) and its easy to lie to yourself after several of these. A calendar is less forgiving. If you are really serious get with a buddy or two and compare calendars at the end of the month (honesty would be a pre-req) with the loser buying the dinner/drinks.

Yohami said...

"speaking to seven female strangers this week." - yes, get the habit of starting conversation, with women, men, kids, people, on every situation - START the conversation

Dark Herald said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dark Herald said...

I find it worrying. Are young Millennials really this neutered?

When I was in the Marine Corps, we would head to Virginia Beach with the express intention of meeting groups of girls. Girls travel in packs so they can display in relative safety. Boys used to know that.

The girl pack in my day usually broke down as follows. Hottie the First, who you aren't getting anything off of, Hottie the Second who will drop on you with a minimum of effort on your part. Pain in the Ass Straitlaced one. And the Grenade.

The true player is the one that can approach the group and successfully extract, Hottie the Second. Not as hard as you think. I've done it myself, though I admit I was pretty Up on myself on those occasions.

The key to my success was simple. Lean forward and commit.

Impress the group quickly. Fearless, funny, confident, confusing and challenging. "Well why aren't you talking about me behind my back. I don't molest blind people over the age fifteen. What's wrong with you?"

Followed by immediate disengagement. Just turn and abruptly, walk away. You are the man with options.

If they follow you. You've impressed the group. Female, non-confrontational group consensus is now on your side. You are clearly acceptable.

The group will actually encourage your target when you attempt to isolate her from the group.

Link fixed.

Trust said...

@ Cataline Sergius said... I find it worrying. Are young Millennials really this neutered?

Yes. Parents promote it. Schools teach it. Pastors preach it. Shrinks recommend it. Hollywood endorses it. Doctors medicate to induce it.

I'm 40 years old and it happened to me. My parents teachers and doctors were ahead of their time. It's more widespread now.

It's possible to overcome, I did. But it is hard bc almost every force works against it. I'm a happily married father now, but still wish I knew about the manosphere before I married in 2004. Would have spared me some struggle.

brian said...

@Cataline - I think it's worse than neutered.

I think the boys have actually opted out. The payoff (sex) isn't worth the cost (having to deal with a girl).

It's the opposite of the gamma incels of the 80s and 90s (like me) where we were forced out of the market. Now, they aren't even trying to compete.

Jokah Macpherson said...

I like the asking for the time idea. I'm 31 and I've always had really bad approach anxiety and despaired of ever overcoming it but I have actually seen incremental improvements since I started trying this method a month ago. I've actually cold approached 20 girls in the past week, which would have been unthinkable back in June.

Obviously asking for the time is not going to get anyone laid but it does allow you to focus on just doing the approach rather than having to worry about a million other things like what you're going to say, etc. I've been quite surprised how positively the girls I approach react overall - it's a bell curve and some respond coldly but there have been several (usually the more attractive ones) who act like telling me the time is the most exciting thing they've done all day. I think this feedback has helped silence the fears at the back of my mind that always imagined the worst possible outcome.

Trust said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Trust said...


That's certainly part if it. Women are in a "take no crap," short-fused, intolerant and unforgiving mode against men. They never even consider the possibility that men may actually have a limit to how much crap they will tolerate too. But men won't storm the capitol demanding government force, they'll just quietly seek alternatives.

little dynamo said...

"If you're a single man, set a goal of approaching and speaking to seven female strangers this week"

That's just crazy talk. WHY should any single man cold approach any female in the modern west? For a DATE? LOL

FIRST, become a MAN. Then you won't need Rossy and his Commandments of Poon. The women will approach you.

Men who become boyfriends remain boys all their lives. For men, there is only marriage or celibacy, just as Scripture demands. Anything else feeds into the power and sistems of the gynarchy, into a culture arranged for the sole benefit of people's daughters... and that especially includes walking up to strange women, which is dangerous for boys and men in Amerika.

Yeah, give them SEVEN chances to dial 9-1-1!

Stop supplicating to women and girls. If they want a good man, then they'll have to abandon their feminist society, including the matriarchal boyfriend/girlfriend silliness (whose romanticism led directly to modern feminism) and return to traditional meeting/mating methods, based in Scripture. Which does not include the 'wisdoms' of Mystery, Rossy, and Game.

VD said...

Shut up, Ray. You have no idea what you're talking about. You're babbling like a woman, specifically a feminist. "Don't do what works, you must change the entire fabric of society first!"

Doom said...

The advice is grand. Assuming a man wishes to be caught. And he will be if he does so. At this point, if he is secular, he should only approach women at times and in places where it is understood that nothing much will come of it. I recommend against marriage for young secular men. And so I advise against such a thing for those men. Sure, some men come to faith through marriage. And some men come to life through death. Don't count on either.

Further, I would advise men to speak, if they are interested or unwise, to many women. Simply make talking to women a non-thing, all-out. Pretty, ugly, fat, thin, young, old, and target material. When women, as a group, realize you do not fear them, you rise in their collective minds. And they do have a massive collective mind, much more so than we understand, or even they completely grasp.

While they sort of hate each other, they love attention. Even talking to an unattractive woman, through solipsism, satisfies pretty women. Don't specialize. Now, I do this for a specific reason. What I have found is, no matter how beautiful I find my woman... sometimes she does look ugly, in my eyes, mind, and heart. For me to be able to deal with her when I feel that way about her, I need to have that channel open. Every woman has an ugly side, a fat side, a twisted side, a mean side. Get used to that if you want to bring one home for keeps.

Weouro said...

I think Daniel Eness's comments here could have applicability in regards to approach anxiety and men withdrawing from society in general:
"Right…but when that trope is attacked in public, when readers are accused of perpetuating privilege for accepting the trope, when the leading voice of the feminine side views genre as something to be obliterated, when the only purpose of a trope is for it to be challenged those who write in a masculine voice will examine the hill where that battle is being waged and, in more cases than not, will decide it is not the one to die on.

It seems silly: both to permadoubt a perfectly natural trope, and to go to war over it.

The feminine voice is an expression against the way things are. The masculine is a defense of the way things are. If the way things are are not conducive to the masculine voice (i.e. if it is damned if it speaks and damned if it doesn’t), I can guarantee that it will not be raised.

Now, it is an entirely different story when the masculine voice finds a hill worth dying on. Then it wouldn’t be drowned out in a flood."

I have a lot less "approach anxiety" than I thought. I was probably critiquing myself too heavily. It's there but it's a minor element in the situation. I'm mainly not interested in most women it turns out, and I'm not looking to get laid, so I check myself at an intuitive level and that comes into my conscious thoughts as "approach anxiety." Even though it's really just that the girl is very obviously not "a hill worth dying on."

Sentient Spud said...

FIRST, become a MAN. Then you won't need Rossy and his Commandments of Poon. The women will approach you.

If you can't identify what you want and immediately set in motion a strategy lay siege to it, how exactly have you become a man? Only children idle around waiting for things to be handed to them. T-Rex, on the other hand, wants to hunt.

Trust said...

Whenever you.are inclined to take what women say they want seriously, just think of how popular Fifty Shades of Grey is. If you haven't read it, there is a two minute audio version by Gilbert Gottfried:

Hat tip, dalrock

kurt9 said...


How do you know that the young men you saw were even interested in the young women there? Perhaps they're so burned out on the game, or find the women so nauseating, that they simply are not interested in approaching them.

Weouro said...


That's the situation with me. I've approached two women in the past 9 months or so. One was a pretty girl walking on the track at the gym in a skirt who I approached without a second thought and chatted with. A couple days later I saw her again and she introduced me to her dad, but it turned out they were Pentecostals and didn't believe in the Trinity. The other was a Russian Orthodox I saw at the post office, who was prettier so I had some symptoms of anxiety but still approached without a second thought. She had a hostile look on her face at first, I'm guessing from gettingnhit on a lot. I've passed on a lot of girls though. I think if a decent, traditional girl wants approaches from decent, traditional men she needs to really pull out the stops and put up a flag to show what she is. Like long skirt, long hair, maybe even a headcovering. That's why I approached the Russian Orthodox one.

Anonymous said...

Laziness? Cowardice? Too much porn, maybe? They already have girlfriends?

I don't have a friendship network where I live any more, but I routinely chat up nice, beautiful girls, and it seems to have gotten around town that I'm willing to do this, leading to a sort of positive feedback loop. Why more men aren't willing to do this is beyond me.

Weouro said...

So why the silent voice? Pragmatism.

It's primarily a structural problem in society related to the nature of masculinity, only secondarily a result of personal vice.

"A masculine voice knows instinctively that the art functions on understood tropes. Once those tropes are confused for out-of-genre ones, it is better to tell your story elsewhere, or even not at all."

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

ABA (Always Be Approaching).

Although, to be fair, I've noticed a lot of Millennials are socially and conversationally challenged, which I largely attribute to rise of hand-held electronic communication devices, and which trait seems more prevalent among (though not confined to) young men.

bobby said...

"If you're a single man, set a goal of approaching and speaking to seven female strangers this week. "

Oh, dammit.

I always thought they said I should talk to seven strange females per week.

This explains so much.

Kyle said...

I've observed this phenomenon, too, at my church. There are plenty of attractive girls around, but most of the guys don't really go outside of their circles. Then again, it is a bit difficult to approach when girls form an exclusionary circle and all appear to be in a closed-off conversation with each other. This sort of thing makes me more apt to approach a girl who's by herself, or with just one other friend.

Anonymous said...

These days, it would be simplest to assume "good-looking young men" are thinking

1) Do I recognize her from Tinder?

2) No? Then she's down DTF tonight, so why bother.

Anonymous said...

er, edit: not having seen her on Tinder is proof she's *not* DTF and therefore not worth the time of anyone with options.

Gunnarvoncowtown von Cowtown said...

Point of Clarification: Vox, did this public event take place in Italy? If so, that increases the disturbing-factor by an order of magnitude.

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Anonymous said...

Who approaches in person anymore, there's tinder and online for that, haha. Who wants to actually go through work just to be number 19 for that girl? lmao.

Anonymous said...

In all fairness, it was probably a simple combination.

Most college age girls don't make eye contact or acknowledge guys in every day settings. So maybe the guys simply figured, "She's not cute enough to bother with a cold approach.

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