Saturday, May 31, 2014

Alpha Mail: don't fear the flirts

JF is overly concerned about what women think:
Had a question that I’m somewhat struggling with.  I’m by nature, personality wise, a delta, but because I’m tall, built and fairly good looking probably fall more into the beta range on your scale.  First of all I’m a follower of Jesus, and second I’m very happily married, so I have no interest in flirting with women.  However, I work in a female heavy environment and am trying to figure out how to assert more dominance/influence without being flirty.  It is not unusual to have women lock eye contact with me, and I get uncomfortable for two reasons.  One being, I’m naturally a delta, and the other is that I don’t want to be seen as a flirt.  How do I handle eye contact like this without looking weak?  Right now I just end up looking away, which seems lame.  Same applies outside of the office also, for instance just a few minutes ago an attractive woman lock eye contact with me at the coffee shop for probably five secs and I finally looked away because obviously I don’t want to give any false impression. 
I have to say this for the man, he has properly identified his socio-sexual mindset and that is always encouraging. Most men tend to get very uncomfortable when women hold eye contact. And men who are not dominant often tend to worry excessively about how their behavior is interpreted.

Fortunately, the answer is very simple. First, don't worry about how your actions are viewed by others. You know your intentions better than they do. Remember, women are capable of assigning whatever interpretation they want to any action; does anyone think that an omega who holds eye contact with a woman is going to give her the false impression that he's flirting with her? And attention whores regularly make ludicrous claims about men being interested in them, wanting to marry them, and so forth.

My advice to JF is to stop thinking about the subject, stop caring what these women may happen to think, and if a woman locks eyes with him, to smile, snort, shake his head and turn away. It's a dismissal, and a dismissal when a woman is (potentially) expressing interest is both dominant and non-flirtatious.

While being dominant will tend to increase female interest, women are not social masochists and they are unlikely to pursue married man who manifestly shows negative interest in them. There are few things that women fear more than public humiliation, after all. The one potential problem is the psychos who will attempt to engage him in a conversation nominally meant to clarify that they are not at all interested in him, not even a little bit, which is why it is necessary for them to spend every opportunity convincing him that he was wrong to reject her out of hand.

But the main thing is to stop concerning oneself with the possibility that one's actions will be misconstrued. Maybe they will be misconstrued. So what? Do you worry when your dog wrongly thinks you're about to feed him? In like manner, why would you be even remotely concerned that a coworker might fail to grok your essence in its entirety?


Dexter said...

The fucking dog ALWAYS thinks I'm going to feed him!

Doom said...

I really should... rethink some things. I judge these types of guys really harshly. In part because I have zero understanding of their side of things and thinking. I guess I always thought they were faking their... prudity? Actually, I thought they were mislabeling what is prudery. Flirting, to my mind, is no more, or less, than saying thank you, or please, in the right place and time. Young, old, pretty, ugly... a heartbeat and two... well... you know. Even now, even in celibacy, I flirt a storm, if in the mood and she seems warm. Especially if I can cause a blush with a certain look to start it off of just by my presence. Yum!

Yeah, I should back it off. I really don't understand these types of men. I gotta admit, I've been a hater. But by ignorance. I thought they were like me, just roll playing for someone, an ideal, or something... faking it. I guess I didn't realize that whole thing was real, in their minds. Sure, if they have problems... social disconnect, high but limited IQ (or low), that sort of thing... that I understood. I guess being a delta, gamma, and such... are forms of disability? Or is being other, high beta/alpha/sigma the disability? Don't know. I have to think on this now.

As to advice? I just gave it. I'm a sworn celibate, until/unless marriage, which only comes from a Christian mindset (you don't see pagans or "atheists" going there), and yet I flirt every chance I get, mood dependent. I can't say much else but good luck. Oh... when I was with a woman, and straight with her alone (later in my "career"), when I would flirt with other women? I would bring that good stuff back to my woman. She became my 'everywoman'. Might help a noob trying to run a straight ship.

S. Thermite said...

"Remember, women are capable of assigning whatever interpretation they want to any action"

This one's going in the memory bank.

MichaelJMaier said...

"smile, snort, shake his head and turn away"

That was my first thought after reading the question too.

But it's harmless to flirt. If a girl initiates, you knock it to and fro a bit and then DON'T escalate... they get the message.

Brad Andrews said...

I would be VERY cautious flirting in the work world in the current climate, especially if you have a leadership role over the individual. They may like it now, but could easily turn it against you in the future. Giving the cold shoulder noted here seems a much safer approach as well.

Eric S. Mueller said...

I work with a lot of women. I mostly smile, say hi, good morning, all that stuff like I would any friend or acquaintance. Never spent any time worrying how they interpreted it.

Stg58/Animal Mother said...


What you just said makes no sense. Everyone reading this blog is now dumber for having read your incomprehensible verbal diarrhea. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Doom said...

What doesn't make sense? I simply went through stages where I was very sexually active, then became a one woman man, then, now, have stopped accepting simple lovers. If still hoping to find a wife, I guess, sort of. I'm just older than you. And... have changed over time. If things don't make sense, and you don't have the time to understand, okay. I was very much like that at one time, which is why I did a lot of stupid shit before... choosing a better way. Good luck with not stopping to understand.

Doom said...

Oh, well, there are ankle biters. Gotta remember that when I head into Vox territory.

Revelation Means Hope said...

Con Repub,
just read Doom as you would gunslingergregi over at Chateau Heartiste.

Doom said...

Ah, that was sweet of you, JC. Do you send flowers when your friend is feeling down, confused, or unable to focus, too? No, no, thank you. I can handle my own problems without moral support, from rabbits.

Anonymous said...

A little late to this party, but a common fallacy which hasn't been brought up is:

Game? Sounds like it might work, but... I don't want to become someone I'm not. That's not me, man.

I guess in question form that could be phrased as "How can I still be myself and use Game? Wouldn't I just become some stuckup douche?" (of course the answer is "No, you wouldn't" because, much like with lifting, you don't look or become someone else, you remain yourself, just with more muscle/confidence)

Anonymous said...

Apologies, this was the wrong topic. My bad.

S. Thermite said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

I have to respectfully disagree. Women want anything they can't have. Ignoring a woman is going to get her to zero her sights on you until she either decides you're not worth having or until she gets you. Women usually do the opposite of what you tell them, and signaling you're not interested is going to make her want you more. If you want women to leave you alone try to get into the friend zone by being friendly and nice. Nice guys are like wet blankets that women avoid.

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