Monday, April 7, 2014

Alpha Mail: how to respond?

Rek asks: What would have been some good answers/attitudes to adopt [in the case of the hapless Gamma from the Ford Fiesta ad]? Silence is my default response. 

Silence is, in most circumstances, sub-optimal, but it is usually better than inept self-defense. Women tend to take silence as acquiescence if they are not trying to talk to you; if they are trying to talk to you they take it as a childish refusal to communicate.

However, the answer is predicated upon whether the man involved is actually responsible or not. One cannot respond to a legitimate criticism in the same manner one responds to an illegitimate one. If the complaint about the man being late all the time is more or less true, and he is the present cause of them being late, then he owes her an apology. He should simply say: "You're right. It was my fault we're late. I'm sorry. I hope your parents won't be too upset and I will apologize to them when we get there."

(In the commercial, the guy does indicate that it was indeed his fault. The woman is clearly steaming mad and the guy is already sheepish before either of them says anything. However, being a Gamma, he can't simply take responsibility, and in fact, their being late might well be the result of his passive-aggressive refusal to get ready on time because he doesn't want to go.)

Remember, he has put her in a bad position in a potentially stressful situation. She's going to get blamed by her mother - her father may not notice but her mother surely will - and he owes it to her to ensure that she isn't criticized for his tardiness.

On the other hand, if their being late was not his fault, then she is simply using him as a punching bag in preparation for the well-merited criticism she knows she is going to receive. In that case, a very sharp response that goes to the heart of the matter is in order: "Don't try to put this off on me. You're the one who decided we had to go to their house and you know perfectly well that I was ready to go on time. If your mother is on the warpath again, that's your problem. You can deal with her while I have a drink with your Dad outside on the porch. One can hardly blame the poor guy."

One key distinction between high status and low status is the attitude towards responsibility. The high status man is comfortable taking responsibility. He is accustomed to it. The low status man is uncomfortable with any responsibility and runs from it in most circumstances, particularly when it involves conflict.

Alpha: Yeah, I did it. So what?
Beta: Yeah, I did it.
Delta: Yeah, I did it. Is that a problem?
Gamma: I didn't do it! It's not my fault!
Omega: (frightened deer-in-the-headlights stare)
Sigma: I think you really have to look at society's role in all of this.


Rek. said...

Thanks for the advice.

Just to clarify is there such as thing as carefree silence, à la John Wayne, Clint Eastwwod, you look her in the eyes (difficult while she is driving), hold the gaze like "are you talking to me/don't start your drama/who gives a shit/so what?" and keep on reading or sleepig. I feel well played silence is so powerful. Passive silence vs. confrontational silence. One could correctly argue that if you can pull a Clint Eastwood moment with her backing down from a gaze, your alphaness has already been established and she wouldn't even talk to you the way she did with gamma dude.

From your little scale there I can honeslty say that at some point I was Gamma, then Delta ... would say I am at the lesser beta/beta level now with brief moments of alpha genius. Manosphere is so empowering. I am not married nor in a LTR, nor have kids, cards in my favor. Life is good when I think that I could have been court-raped at some point in my life if I hadn't come across your site and the likes.

Harambe said...

Accept responsibility for what you did wrong in a specific instance and nothing more. Generalisations are unacceptable.

Doom said...

Hmm? How about... "Keep that up and I'm going to roll you". *wink* Especially knowing that, after having said that, she is looking for a place to get rolled while you become hard as a rock? And screw reach-arounds. I hate getting my hands dirty and she doesn't always merit it. A nasty woman in a foul mood is just asking for it, really.

En-sigma said...

Look at the response to MGTOW. It is not extreme arousal. It is shreeeeeeeeeking calls to man up...women (and their useful idiots) are equating the MGTOW to silence and that is the reaction you can expect to silence. BUT, and this is a point that cannot be missed, me going my own way is a reaction to the disincentive, and offering more disincentives will not get me to alter course.

Radio silence works if you have the option to move on. Not answering the test is a preferred response if you are done wasting your time on her. I don't have time to play Whack-a-Hamster with you.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

lol @ sigma attitude.

Anonymous said...

Suspected my son was a Sigma; that would be his response (mine too, actually, and in all seriousness. Very tedious). Husband vacillates between Alpha and silence (he doesn't respond to noise), which pretty much results in same thing: me getting over myself. Just celebrated 25 years.

En-sigma said...

Will celebrate 23 years soon. Fellow fogey.

I am not adverse to arguing a point that needs arguing, or straightening a hamster that has gone cattywompus on me, but radio silence works fine for me when the point is pointless and the hamster is bent on circling around again.

hank.jim said...

How about "I'm late. Sorry, it happened again. Go on without me." If it was her fault "We're late again. Can we tell them our car is in the shop?"

Try mock alpha "I don't care. We're not going to a job interview. Get over it."

I was in a bitchy relationship a long long time ago. It was a no win situation. I finally got the upper hand AFTER we broke up. You see... a bitch would still try to control the situation. I simply didn't accept the premise that she had any control of me after the breakup. Thus, I would advise the guy (if he was real) that he should just shrug his shoulders and say "so what?". Offer to call her parents and apologize. Case over. She didn't control him. He can handle the situation.

Old Harry said...

Apologize for what you've done wrong, if you've done something wrong. If you haven't, don't apologize. And do not accept responsibility for anything beyond what you've done. For instance: When confronted with, "That really hurt my feelings." If you tried to hurt her feelings, own it and apologize if it's required, otherwise don't. On the other hand, if she jumped to conclusions and got her feelings hurt based on what she thinks you were going to say or what she thinks you said, say something like, "I'm sorry you misunderstood me." and then immediately move on. But don't take responsibility for her feelings - make her own that.

The Sanity Inspector said...

This is thought provoking, I need to curl up with more posts like these. I've found that in some arguments with my SO I have gotten better outcomes by going out of type and saying "I am not your goddamn employee!"

The Sanity Inspector said...

BTW, I'd like to steal those examples at the end to make a Motifake.

the dude said...

Love the breakdown from Alpha to Sigma! Maybe there's a cartoon to be mined there.

Anonymous said...

So where would:

"My Bad!" *laugh*


JDC said...

Wouldn't an alpha, while driving, have to remove her face from his lap in order for her to speak?

Dark Herald said...

He starts by not letting her drive in the first place.

If he was driving he would have the option of, "Later! I'm driving."

Or. "Don't worry, I'll get us there on time." Which of course gives her something else to worry about, since she now knows you intend to drive like a maniac.

Dos Voltz said...

Obama certainly has the Gamma-Omega-Sigma title all wrapped up. Liberals excel at failure and rarely achieve mediocrity.

Unknown said...

Where does that ordering of Greek letters come from? I'm a Classicist, so the only order I know is the actual Greek alphabet, in which the letters would go in the following order: alpha, beta, gamma, delta, sigma, omega (skipping some letters in between, obviously). Why is sigma last? Why delta before gamma? Is it a mathematical convention?

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