But then the old question: what happens when your advance is not only rejected, but followed by a sexual harassment charge?
This is a very stupid question. Sexual harassment charges are primarily filed against coworkers and very, very few of them are filed at all. In 2011, there were a grand total of 11,364 recorded by the EEOC, 9,740 of which were filed by women. There are 155 million people in the US labor force.
In other words, for every actual sexual harassment charge, there are about 7,5000 men worrying that if they ask out the new secretary with the big breasts, they will be charged with sexual harassment.
And that's why none of them will ever be banging her on the CEO's desk after hours. Someone will be, but it won't be the deltas and gammas worrying about losing on a 99.987 percent chance.
Stay away from Vegas, Mr. Probability.
Furthermore, if you simply live by the old platitudes - don't piss where you drink and don't dip your pen in the company ink - you have no need to worry about sexual harassment charges. And even if you can't find a female of interest anywhere except in the workplace, I'll bet the majority of sexually-related firings would have been avoided if the gamma creep had simply asked the woman out in the first place instead of staring at her and weirding her out for nine months before finally deciding that the time was right to make a move.
Here's the new Rule for Delta: make a move within the first week or not at all.
No woman, to the best of my knowledge, has ever violently objected to a simple and straightforward offer of a date when it has been presented within the first week of mutual acquaintance. Think about it. "Creeping" and "stalking" and "harassing" all imply the passage of time. By sitting and waiting for "the right time", you are actually increasing the chances that a woman will perceive your advances to be offensive.
And if you absolutely must have a co-worker, there is an easy way to go about it. Ignore her and show absolutely no interest in her. None. Then arrange for a hot friend to come by once every two weeks and pretend to be your girlfriend. Put her picture on your desk. She'll play along if you take her out to lunch at a nice restaurant once a month. Then, after about four months, have a different friend replace her. When asked, say, "Julie's great, but then I met Jackie. You know how it is." This should stir the co-worker's competitive interests and wondering what you have going that she doesn't get. Once she starts sniffing around and expresses interest, you can casually suggest lunch.
If she bites, the hook is set. And even if she doesn't, someone in the office will. Absolutely nothing inspires female fascination in the workplace like a constant stream of pretty female visitors coming in to see you. Bonus points if they're occasionally inappropriately dressed.
30 comments:
How to avoid them.
1) Be handsome.
2) Be attractive.
3) Don't be unattractive.
I've seen good-looking guys get claims of sexual harassment because they wouldn't go out with the women. One of my friends got two and got fired by the woman over the last one. I got one.
Vox: "Here's the new Rule for Delta: make a move within the first week or not at all."
And that seems like a pretty darn good rule of thumb. I have, I regret to say, seen innumerable women show that clear spark of interest only to get tired of waiting for something to happen.
I agree with Bob, seen it happen myself. Chicks will file sexual harassment because they are not getting harassed and are pissed off over the male rejection.
Fear of THAT? Hell, I work in a federal building for the DoD. I have had female friends tell me that males have come out of the blue and complimented their tits. No charges filed.
I don't know of any sexual harassment charges filed except for one by a truly insane bitch against a friend of mine where her bosses and everyone around know she's a psycho but "they have to go through the motions".
In the last few years, I've personally said and done things of a sexual nature that "should" get me in trouble, up to and including smacking a girl on the ass with a filled manila folder in front of at least one witness. (But she really was asking for it, having an ass that hot and being bent over when I rounded the corner.)
Hell, I hit my boss' boss' boss with sexual innuendo a few weeks back, just amping up her snarky comment back at her. Nothing happened, except she ran away, shocked & embarrassed. Then she looked away demurely the next time I saw her in passing.
Ive been talked to by my boss for being "rude" and "disrespectful" to her. I got a "verbal warning" for calling a co-worker an "ass" when I wanted to call her much worse.
But I haven't had anything happen on my near-constant sexually-harassing behavior and 100% chauvinistic remarks.
Well, I hear my co-workers are warning the incoming new meat about me, which both makes me proud and gives me pause...
I agree with Bob, seen it happen myself. Chicks will file sexual harassment because they are not getting harassed and are pissed off over the male rejection.
I would call BS on that, but I got tired of the backstabbing in my office and stopped talking to every single person about non-work-related stuff. The females couldn't help but come bother me and invent "work-related" problems to get me to talk. It was comical.
Hell, I had one girl very nearly in tears just about a year ago because she pulled some stupid BS and I just stopped INITIATING conversations with her or reacting to everything she said. I just didn't care and she saw that and it drove her nuts. She actually made me laugh at her, which upset her even more.
Bitches be crazy.
"I'm afraid of sexual harrassment accusations" is just the new excuse.
The actual reason is...
You're a big pussy who's scared to talk to The Princess.
And that's fine. Just remember when you're mad because you found out The Princess was blowing me on the hood of a camaro.
Just kidding... I wouldn't be caught dead near a camaro.
Go back and watch Office Space. Remember the whole nightmare about the girl fucking Lumberg? Now... remember how long it took Peter to get up the balls to just ask her out?
Right... While he was being a big pussy... "his girl" was out fucking other guys.
"I'm afraid of sexual harrassment accusations" is just the new excuse.
The actual reason is...
You're a big pussy who's scared to talk to The Princess.
And that's fine. Just remember when you're mad because you found out The Princess was blowing me on the hood of a camaro.
Just kidding... I wouldn't be caught dead near a camaro.
Go back and watch Office Space. Remember the whole nightmare about the girl fucking Lumberg? Now... remember how long it took Peter to get up the balls to just ask her out?
Right... While he was being a big pussy... "his girl" was out fucking other guys.
"Faint heart never won fair maiden"
--Friar Tuck
Your literature red pill of the day, courtesy of James Clavell, Noble House, 1981:
"Does everyone here have a mistress?" "Good lord no. But, well, sorry, but men and women age differently and after a certain age it's difficult. Bluntly, pillowing and love and marriage aren't the same." "There's no such thing as faithfulness?" "Of course. Absolutely. For a woman it means one thing, for a man another." Casey had sighed. "That's terrible. Terrible and so unfair." "Yes. But only if you wish it to be." "That's not right! Think of the millions of women who work and slave all their lives, looking after the man, scrubbing and cleaning and nowadays helping to support their children, to be shoved aside just because they're old." "You can't blame men, that's the way society is." "And who runs society? Men! Jesus, Quillan, you've got to admit men are responsible!" "I already agree it's unfair, but it's unfair on men too. What about the millions of men who work themselves to death to provide—that jolly word—to provide the money for others to spend, mostly women. Face it, Ciranoush, men have to go on working until they are dead, to support others, and more than frequently at the end of their lives, a hacking, shrewish wife—look at Pug's wife for God's sake! I could point out fifty who are unnecessarily fat, ugly and stink —literally. Then there's the other neat little female trick of the women who use their sex to trap, get pregnant to ensnare, then cry havoc and scream for a highly paid divorce. What about Line Bartlett, eh? What sort of a wringer did that wonderful wife of his put him through, eh?" "You know about that?" "Of course. You ran a tape on me, I ran one on both of you. Are your divorce laws fair? Fifty percent of everything and then the poor bloody American male has to go to court to decide what proportion of his fifty percent he can retain." "It's true Line's wife and her attorney almost put him away. But not every wife's like that. But God, we're not chattel and most women need protection. Women throughout the world still get a raw deal." "I've never known a real woman to get a raw deal," he said. "I mean a woman like you or Orlanda who understands what femininity means." Suddenly he had beamed at her. "Of course, en route she has to give us poor weak bastards what we want to stay healthy."
I'll bet the majority of sexually-related firings would have been avoided if the gamma creep had simply asked the woman out in the first place instead of staring at her and weirding her out for nine months before finally deciding that the time was right to make a move.
That's a great point. Back in my blue-pill days, I had a situation where I worked with a girl I liked, and I let myself get stuck in the Friend Zone while she complained about her ex-boyfriend. After a while I wound up leaving the company to work elsewhere, so I wrote her a letter about my feeeeeelings a couple weeks before my last day. She avoided me after that, and I heard through others that it weirded her out. If I hadn't been leaving the company, it's possible she might have complained about me, especially if I sat around mooning after her. Looking back now, I'm so disgusted by the way I handled her that I'd almost say I deserved it.
Had the same experience as Bob.
Maybe its your alpha environments Vox (sport, martial arts, music, entrepreneurs etc.) but if you've ever witnessed the visceral response Betas get you'd understand.
Alphas can approach with balls to the wall audacity but betas have to wait for a woman to show some interest.
Mickey,
If that's the way you play the game you are guaranteed to be a beta. Break out of your shell and appropriate alpha behavior. What's the worst that can happen? She says no. Be bold.
Is anybody writing about applying the ideas behind "game" to anything else in life? It would be interesting read thoughts on business game or non-sexual social game. Internet game?
I am in oil and gas sales. Same rules apply. I haven't fed my family for the past four years by being shy.
I agree with striking early. That was my experience as the best way to deal with workplace females.
I did this with several girls I was interested in and worked with. One, in particular, turned me down flat. I moved on. I kept dating and had no lack of female companions. She thought she was above me because she modeled.
Several months later, I went to work elsewhere. She hunted me down and asked me out. I obliged and after I dumped her, she kept pursuing me until I met SD. Actually, she kept harassing well after meeting SD. It's still a funny story we talk about; the crazy girl flipping us off while SD and I were on a date.
Alphas can approach with balls to the wall audacity but betas have to wait for a woman to show some interest.
Mickey, I think you are missing one of the key bits of understanding, you're getting the cause and effect mixed up. The one guy is Alpha because he masters his fear and approaches, the other guy is Beta because he lets his fear master him. You don't wait because you are Beta, you are Beta because you choose to wait.
Choose not to wait and you'll move up the ladder.
I won't say "it's just that easy" because I know it's not easy to overcome anxiety. But I will say "it's just that simple" because it really is.
Alphas can approach with balls to the wall audacity but betas...
It's a process. Sure, you can't just flip to having Alpha audacity from one day to the next, but you start imitating Alpha behavior, and you start seeing results, and the behavior becomes more natural.
I'm no Alpha or even Voxian Beta, but I've been learning.
Small example: I recently ran into a girl I'd been very interested in a couple years back and never really gotten over, but our conversation went very differently than it would have even 6 months ago. She'd effectively friend-zoned me a long time ago (or more accurately, I'd clumsily friend-zoned myself), but at one point after I said something that surprised her, I saw unguarded respect in her eyes. That's a feeling I'll not soon forget, and in an instant it confirmed more of what's been said here to me than 100 logical arguments could.
The result was that I'm no longer friend-zoned, and I'm also no longer interested.. funny how when you change from responder to initiator you start seeing people differently.
Now of course an Alpha will find all that amusing and a silly thing to call a victory, but that's fine. It's progress. Some guys have to start bench-pressing with just the bar, but they don't have to linger there for long.
Most men are not natural alphas.
Treat it like becoming a self-made billionaire.
Become a self-made alpha
At my place of employment I've seen 2 men enticed by a female co-worker then fired when they responded. Both were cases of revenge setup by the local matriarchy. In both cases the employees were asked and agreed to resign so I doubt their leaving fell under the rubric of "Sexual harassment charges".
Related:
Zenpriest #32 -- The Glass Pussy Ceiling
It's worth noting that all the "sexual harassment training" I've received notes that the problem isn't just asking a coworker out. It's asking her out when she's made it clear that she's not interested in you.
(funny one; I once asked a female colleague what she meant by the harassment she'd endured at her former job, and her demonstration almost made me slap her....we are not talking about subtle behavior here, folks)
That goes for "alphas", too. I know of two people fired for harassment, and both had the brashness that Roissy uses to describe alphas. Our host is correct about charges following the guy who basically stalks the young lady, but incorrect about alphas being fairly immune.
I believe Vox said Alphas would not get any harrassment chanrges for asking a woman out.
I'd say the cases Bubba knows about didn't happen until the "alphas" stopped asking the women out.
Which gets back to the "don't dip your pen in the company ink" bit.
But for cryin' out loud, the bigger message is, stop being afraid of your own shadow. There are all kinds of risks in the world, if you live your life hiding from danger, you're going to stunt your own happiness.
Like Zenpriest said, you can play it safe, OR you can get laid. Make your choice depending on which results are most important to you.
If you want to be safe, don't complain about not getting laid.
If you want to get laid, don't complain about not being safe.
Jack; nope, they were fired as they were harassing. Sorry.
One might quibble that "they were just wannabe alphas" and such, but quite frankly, as (Roissy aside) there is no definitive test for this status, those who think they're "alpha" might do well to consider that yes, they also can be terminated for harassment.
Well Bubba, "they were harrassing" sounds great, and tells us nothing. But I wasn't there, so I'll leave it up to you to decide how confident you are in your understanding of what happened in their case, and how much you want to let it constrain your life.
And everybody else can make that same decision for themselves too.
Well, if I've got to spell it out to you, both were walked out within a few minutes of the final incident. Got it?
Getting everything you want by being a jerk--I mean "alpha"--is a lot of mens' dream, but suffice it to say that it doesn't work out real well for the vast majority of those who try.
Getting everything you want by being a jerk--I mean "alpha"--is a lot of mens' dream, but suffice it to say that it doesn't work out real well for the vast majority of those who try.
Since you clearly don't have a clue what being alpha really is, I'm going to discout your assesent of these two fellas.
Not all alphas are jerks. Not all jerks are alphas. In fact, I'm coming to the conclusion that the vast majority of Gammas are jerks.
You're so right, Jack. It would be utterly foolish to assume that when Roissy and others recommend that men adopt the behaviors the rest of us would associate with jerks, that we ought to assume that they're recommending that men be jerks.
Except for that fact that this is exactly what they're doing, of course.
I think this is mostly correct, however, your use of sexual harassment statistics is misleading. The number cited only captures those situations where receipts were filed under Title VII, and does not capture those where harassment is reported at the employer level and the harasser is subsequently fired/reprimanded/etc.. So while you have correctly noted that one's risk of being a target of a sexual harassment suit under Title VII is quite low, you may have conflated that low risk with the likely higher risk of employment related repercussions.
I think this is to what some earlier commenters were alluding.
Otherwise, great stuff.
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