Thursday, December 8, 2011

Epic Gamma Fail

Communication with women is always a minefield. One of the reasons women like "strong silent men" is because the refusal of such men to provide them with information permits their little rationality hamsters to fill the subsequent void with all sorts of mysterious and fascinating explanations that almost surely have no basis in reality. And this disastrous 1,615-word email to follow-up a first date is the exact opposite of setting the hamster to spinning happily away:
Hi Lauren,

I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed that I haven’t gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.

FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can’t see someone’s body language or tone of voice in an email. I’m not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I’m honest and direct by nature, and I’m going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a Google search, so that’s how I came across your email.

I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you.
Is there anyone cognizant of Game who is the least bit surprised that the object of this email was not at all interested in seeing its author again? Read the pathetic, self-pitying, self-justifying epistle closely, just to understand that it is the exact wrong note to take with a woman. It's so extremely wrong that the woman not only rejected it, she found it so disgusting that she had to share it with the world.

Deluded? Check. "I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. That’s a unique characteristic; most people aren’t like that."

Feminine emotional appeal? Check. "I’ve never been as disappointed and sad about having difficulty about getting a second date as I am with you."

Futile attempt to convince? Check. "If you don’t want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life."

Pathetic attempt to display higher value? Check? "Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven’t returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again."

Concerned about what others think? Check. "You already knew what I looked like before our date. Perhaps, you’re unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a 'real' job."

Creepy? Check. "By the way, I did a Google search, so that’s how I came across your email."

So if, in the future, you are not sure if you are contemplating or exhibiting Gamma behavior, ask yourself if Mike the Banker would do it. If the answer is yes, then by all means, do not do it! After a first date, the correct thing follow-up is to call one time. If she's not there, leave a message. Once. If she's sufficiently interested, she'll get back to you. If she isn't, she won't, so move on to your next option.

If you like, you can always go ahead and throw out a one-word text a month or two later. If she responds to that, then she's stable quality, she's not potential relationship material.

One thing that few men understand is women don't actually want them to share their thoughts or their feelings most of the time. They only think they do as long as they don't actually know what you're thinking. It's like the monster in the horror movie that's always much more frightening when one is only permitted brief glimpses of it. It doesn't matter if you're contemplating a solution to the European currency crisis or the recreation of the Kama Sutra utilizing the entire squad of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, nothing you are thinking is going to be as fascinating to her as what she is imagining you might be thinking.

41 comments:

Anonymous said...

ugh. i couldn't make it through the whole thing. so redundant and pathetic it made me cringe. how desperate can you be. at one point he's trying to act like he's putting his foot down...but then says "however if you would like to go out again you should let me know"

yet i cant help but laugh. feminists-you reap what you sow.

I only hope for his sake, that after this disaster it leads him on another google search, which leads him somewhere into the "manosphere"

AmyJ said...

I read this letter yesterday - and my skin crawled the entire time. I'd gotten a couple of emails similar to that (nothing near as epically pitiful, though)and they always had the opposite effect of what was obviously intended.

I'm not sure what Mike the Banker expected. For her to smack herself in the forehead and go "what was I thinking? Of course he's right! I'll call him right now!"? I'm amazed he got a first date at all. And given his repeated inferences that he's had trouble getting second dates in the past, you'd think he would take a step back and wonder what the common element is in all those failures...

swiftfoxmark2 said...

Not even an Omega would stoop so low, if he managed to get a date and was later rejected.

swiftfoxmark2 said...

On a side note, Gammas can make some amusing songs.

Anonymous said...

Vox, please write the book. The email shows how much a good guide to women and Game is needed, now more than ever.

TLM said...

That was a brutal read. Can't imagine the time it took to write that. And then the long hours constantly waiting for her reply, to no avail. For the love of God, if you're going to use Peoplefinders.com to get a girl's age,keep it to yourself! He's like Gollum in LOTR, you want to chastise him, but feel pity for his pathetic existence.

rycamor said...

According to the internet, you’re 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, we’re a good match in terms of age.

Good grief... how can a man reach his mid-30s and still be this clueless?

And then, stepping through a checklist of reasons why he qualifies, as if is filling out an application, trying to build a formal logical case for why her passions should stir for him.

It's kind of ironic; it used to be that women were formally insulted when a man 'objectified' them by being too macho in his sexual interest, but this sort of checklist thing is the ultimate objectification of a woman.

And it's not even about the difference between men and women. It's just plain social retardation. People don't talk to each other that way, period. Guys, turn it around: what if some girl you were not interested in came to you and said

"Maybe you don't think I'm attractive enough, but have you seen me in these jeans? Plus, I've lost 2 lbs. off my butt last month and I expect to lose another 2 by spring. Also, I'm taking a sewing class, hint, hint... wouldn't that make me a good wife? And let me share some pictures of my mother, so you can see how well I will age. I saw you looking at me when we were out with friends, so I thought you must be interested. You should apologize if you are not, because you sent me a mixed signal. I think you are an idiot for not dating me. In fact it turns me off. I don't want to date you. But probably we should date. I would be willing to reconsider, and so should you, because missing out on me might be the biggest mistake of your LIFE. I know where you live."

Yeah, I'm sure you're ready to marry her now.

Anonymous said...

He should have waited a month and then sent an email that said :

"found an earring under my bed this morning. Can't remember if it might be yours"

Would have been a better move than this.

Houston said...

I cannot count the number of times (back in my bachelor days) when initially friendly or curious women became coldly disinterested if I talked to them for any length of time. It used to be a vexing mystery. Not any more.

SarahsDaughter said...

This blog has ruined so much music for me. I was listening to Bruno Mars' song "It will Rain," what an awesome voice but such a pathetic message.

Houston said...

Indeed. I've also come to realize how love songs are often gamma whining set to music. "Already Gone", by the Eagles, delivers a better message.

VD said...

I've also come to realize how love songs are often gamma whining set to music.

To a certain extent. I was already planning a post on sexual counterpush tomorrow which will address that to some extent.

VD said...

It used to be a vexing mystery. Not any more.

Deflecting even the most harmless questions and providing nonsensical answers will make you more interesting to just about any woman.

I seldom give straight answers to people in social situations anymore unless they appear to be genuinely interested in the subject at hand. Most people don't actually care what you do or who you are and they're grateful if you at least avoid boring them to death.

Duke of Earl said...

Actually I've noticed that with the fiancée. I can be sitting there reading a book on my phone perfectly happy and she'll come across and ask me if I'm bored or something because she has to do ironing or the like and I'm bewildered because I'm perfectly happy (as said).

I've always been happy with my own company.

Daniel said...

"To a certain extent. I was already planning a post on sexual counterpush tomorrow which will address that to some extent."

I think the ubiquitous Bruno Mars song "Grenade" (or whatever it is really called) is a perfect masquerade of an Alpha player messing with Gamma lyrics. It's a hook-up song disguised as a heartbreak song.

In short, when he sings about swallowing grenades and committing suicide for her, he's obviously lying. If anything, its a turn on because he's a desirable guy turning the lyrics of a loser into a punchline, into a seduction game.

He's not hurt. He's hunting. With live bait.

TLM said...

@Houston

I was adding old songs I liked to the ipod last week and came across the Scorpians "Still Loving You". Loved that tune back in HS in the 80's. Hit play and cringed at how gay & beta the lyrics really are. It was horrible to think someone famous & rich with a worldwide audience would write something so pathetic.

....time, it needs time, to win back your love again..I will be there, I will be there.....

I had to buy some old WASP songs to clean out the pain in my ears.

Houston said...

"And this disastrous 1,615-word email to follow-up a first date is the exact opposite of setting the hamster to spinning happily away..."
-------------

(Yoda voice): Judge me by my sensitivity, do you? Hmm. And well you do not. For my ally is the Hamster, and a powerful ally it is...

King A said...

I empathize with the banker. His single mistake was talking to a woman and love-interest as if she were a man and subordinate or business partner. A single mistake but a catastrophic one, like the hubris in Greek tragedy. Way too much clarifying detail and logic.

His flaw is easily corrected. He just needs coaching, and the insight to stop treating women the way they ask to be treated (as equals/as men). His is not a deep character flaw, nor an indication of his inevitable status in the social hierarchy, nor anything to be publicly humiliated over.

Part of the problem of Game World is its constant temptation to sympathize with the enemy. The more we laugh at this man -- rather than an instinct to say, "There but for the grace of God go I" -- the more the cackling colony of shrikes is empowered in their underhanded tactics.

Has anyone thought what an awesome betrayal of confidence it was for her to share this letter not just with other people, but with the whole world? Just because the 33-year-old pre-wall princess was baffled/bemused? Because she has no capacity to respond to the (white) male impulse of comprehensively categorizing his knowledge of a problem in search of its solution? Why is that not the story here? Because it is so typical of what we've come to expect of woman?

Yes, it's Banker Mike's fault ultimately -- because all problems are ultimately the man's fault, because women are essentially unaccountable children. He deserves stern rebuke from our quarters with the love of a father for his wayward son. But stay focused, men. One of our own has just taken a kick to the balls. Funny in a slapstick way, but deserving of our empathy and Drill Instructor criticism.

The lesson for rising betas is obvious: don't be like this guy. But the less obvious general lesson is unremarked upon: keep your eye on the woman's culpability. Until she sues for peace, she remains the face of the enemy.

Markku said...

The logic of this is simple. Women are always complaining about how men don't talk about their feelings. Gammas believe women.

So, now the gamma notices strong feelings inside him and thinks that he can set him above the overwhelming majority of his competitors by exhaustively describing them as accurately as he can.

mmaier2112 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mmaier2112 said...

A more fun Gamma anthem:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wblEC7ekbY4

VD said...

So, now the gamma notices strong feelings inside him and thinks that he can set him above the overwhelming majority of his competitors by exhaustively describing them as accurately as he can.

Precisely. And in the immortal words of Otter: "You fucked up. You trusted us."

Yohami said...

EPIC fail.

Yohami said...

"On a per-minute basis, I’ve never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you."

WHAAAATTT THE FUCK!

Yohami said...

My abs hurt and Im not really laughing

RVT said...

I'm reminded of Spengler's law of gender parity: In every corner of the world and in every epoch of history, the men and women of every culture deserve each other.

Toby said...

the banker needs to learn game fast

Zion's Paladin said...

This blog has ruined so much music for me. I was listening to Bruno Mars' song "It will Rain," what an awesome voice but such a pathetic message.

By contrast, consider the song "Walk Like A Man."

SarahsDaughter said...

Quite the contrast.

"Walk Like a Man"
Oh how you tried to cut me down to size
Telling dirty lies to my friends
But my own father said give her up don't bother
The world isn't coming to an end

(he said just) Walk like a man
Talk like a man
Walk like a man my son
No woman's worth
Crawling on the earth
Just walk like a man my son

Good-bye baby I don't mean maybe
I'm gonna get along somehow
Soon you'll be cryin on account of all your lyin
Oh yeah just look who's laughing now

(I'm gonna) walk like a man
Fast as I can
Walk like a man from you
I'll tell the world to forget about it girl
And walk like a man from you

"It Will Rain"
If you ever leave me, baby, Leave some morphine at my door Cause it would take a whole lot of medication you realize what we used to have, we don't have it anymore.
There's no religion that could save me no matter how long my knees are on the floor, oh so keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm making will keep you by my side will keep you from walking out the door.
Cause there'll be no sunlight if I lose you, baby, there'll be no clear skies if I lose you, baby Just like the clouds, my eyes will do the same if you walk away Everyday, it will rain, rain, rain
I'll never be your mother's favorite Your daddy can't even look me in the eye Oooh if I was in their shoes, I'd be doing the same thing Saying there goes my little girl walking with that troublesome guy
But they're just afraid of something they can't understand Oooh well little darling watch me change their minds Yea for you I'll try, I'll try, I'll try, I'll try I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding If that'll make you mine
Cause there'll be no sunlight if I lose you, baby There'll be no clear skies if I lose you, baby Just like the clouds, my eyes will do the same if you walk away Everyday, it will rain, rain, rain
Ooooh Don't you say goodbye, don't just say, goodbye I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding If that'll make it right
Cause there'll be no sunlight if I lose you, baby There'll be no clear skies if I lose you, baby Just like the clouds, my eyes will do the same if you walk away Everyday, it will rain, rain, rain...

"I think the ubiquitous Bruno Mars song "Grenade" (or whatever it is really called) is a perfect masquerade of an Alpha player messing with Gamma lyrics. It's a hook-up song disguised as a heartbreak song." - Daniel

That's an interesting perspective, and for Bruno, it may work. However, what keeps Gamma listeners from adding this song to the "tape" they make for the girl?

Trust said...

I've often listened to songs by women and imagined a man's voice singing the words. They usually smack of arrogance with a male voice.

Der Hahn said...

I've started listening to lyrics with a different ear since I've been thinking about Game more, and songs from women seem to fall into one of four catagories.

1) Laments over being dumped by an Alpha. See basically anything by Adele or if you're a bit older, Alanis Morrisette.

2) Celebrations of the Alpha nature of her interest. Heart was good for this.

3) Demands for Alpha behavior from guys, with a subgenre of demands for Beta behavior from Alphas. I'm thinking of the Rhiannana's 'Shut Up and Drive' for the first, Shania Twain (dating myself again) for the second.

4) Celebrations of hypergamy. Usually not as direct as that Beyonce song discussed earlier but it's a subtext.

Houston said...

Trust: "I've often listened to songs by women and imagined a man's voice singing the words. They usually smack of arrogance with a male voice."

Carly Simon's horrid "You're So Vain" comes to mind, but the lyrics are both amusing and revealing in light of Game. Her p.o.v. is that of a pumped-and-dumped carousel rider who had no problem with her rich boyfriend's arrogance while the ride lasted. "You probably think this song is about you" must rank as one of the most pathetic failed putdowns in songwriting history.

Markku said...

Carly Simon's horrid "You're So Vain" comes to mind

Legendary Eurodance song in the same theme:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4W_kWxWn-Zo

Daniel said...

"That's an interesting perspective, and for Bruno, it may work. However, what keeps Gamma listeners from adding this song to the "tape" they make for the girl?"

What does he care? The idiot paid Bruno money for the song AND took himself out of the market.

Sounds like a double win to me.

Honestly, of the Mars songs I've heard, I think most of them can be summed up as "I'm SOOO sensitive - LOL not really."

Same reason John whatsisname (dates every A-list starlet - Meyer? Mayor?) absolutely wrecks those girls with his puppy dog songs of heartbreak and tenderness, all while making off with their delicates and moving on.

It's an even better gig than the Emperor's tailors, and pays just as well. Instead of a dotty old king, when he's done he gets the girls naked.

Markku said...

What does he care? The idiot paid Bruno money for the song AND took himself out of the market.

Plus, it wasn't even his own idea. From Wikipedia:

"I was with my friend Benny Blanco and he was playing me some songs, and he played me this song that had a lyric like [the one in "Grenade"]... he said, this band is not signed, this is a CD that wasn’t released. I said to Benny, I can relate to that so much, I want to take that and make it my own. He was in contact with the dude, and I started writing my version, basically.

Anonymous said...

It is interesting the letter was 1615 words.

I've gotten so bad now I will literally only send a single word, portion of a word, or even a single digit number to the woman to get her to reply.

As many others have said: ladies, you get the men you deserve.

Stickwick said...

This guy sounds like Julian Assange.

kh123 said...

"Good grief... how can a man reach his mid-30s and still be this clueless?"

Observe.

Caveat: Vomit reflex increases with viewing.

kh123 said...

...From the sound of it, this guy's ready for motherhood.

Lucas said...

Creepy? Check.
"By the way, I did a Google search, so that’s how I came across your email."


LOL!

Jules L said...

Appears to be one of your beloved Asperger creatures, Vox.

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