Saturday, November 12, 2011

Science has spoken

It would appear that ALPHAS are the secret key to women maintaining a youthful appearance:
According to psychiatrist Dr. Naomi Greenblatt with the HealthyWomen organization, “hitting the skins” may be as important as hitting the gym when it comes to preserving one’s youthful looks—and women aren’t doing enough of it.

According to a recent survey, “women who had sex at least four times a week were scored as looking up to ten years younger than their actual age,” said Greenblatt. “While pleasure and intimacy with your partner should be a primary motivation to have sex, the health and wellness benefits are a big bonus.”
It's very hurtful that so many women attempt to denigrate the service that ALPHAS are selflessly providing them. It is tremendously unfair, to say nothing of unscientific, for women to label them "manwhores" and "cruel, heartless bastards" when all they are doing is attempting to spread the health and wellness benefits to as wide a section of the female population as possible.

In fact, it appears the female monogamy fetish is driven by nothing more than the same catty, competitive nature that causes them to encourage each other to chop their hair off and wear unflatteringly "stylish" clothes. When a woman tries to prevent a man from having sex with another woman, she is merely trying to make that woman look older than she is. That's just selfish behavior and really should not be tolerated. ALPHAS should really be honored for their sacrificial service to others and buying them drinks should be tax-deductible. They're the Doctors Without Borders of sex.

What I find interesting here is that most women will do practically anything to look younger or hotter. If Estee Lauder tells a woman that smearing a mix of scientifically blended dog poop, frog semen, and bat urine on her face will take six months off her appearance, she'll not only do it but pay hundreds of dollars a year for the privilege. Women will have themselves injected with blowfish neurotoxins, blasted by lasers, and carved up by Mexican plastic surgeons with degrees from medical schools in countries that don't even exist.

But have sex four times a week? Nah, that'll never work.

That's not the ironic thing, however. The ironic thing is that they will reject the idea while simultaneously insisting that they like sex every bit as much as men.

Meanwhile, the average middle-aged man would have sex with the dog, the frog, and the bat FIVE times a week if it meant his receded hairline would grow back. Although I personally tend to favor the ancient method concocted by Estevus Lauderus Aegyptus which involves the fat of lion, hippopotamus, goose, crocodile, snake and ibex.


Tedilasllaves said...

Dude I wish you would lay off the sarcasm sometimes. I can't help thinking it does more harm than good as far as game posts are concerned.

Mr. Nightstick said...

Could the the reasoning is flawed here? Maybe the women aren't looking youthful because they have sex so much. Maybe they have sex so much because they look youthful.

Mr. Nightstick said...

Should have read the article before commenting, My bad.

Anonymous said...

@Tedisaslave: Grow a pair

David said...

It seems the ladies are in dire need of our expertise.

Tedilasllaves said...

@ anonymous.

Good sir I at least have the balls to hide behind a pseudonym.

And I stick with what I said. Dripping sarcasm makes almost everything on this blog seem insincere and insincerity is not a good teaching aid. Sure, Vox's regular readership might get it but they already get it anyway.

If he didn't come over like Dwight Schrute from the office Vox would, by dint of his Christian principles and fantastic intellect, have a better chance than any other game blogger of producing something truly seminal (hehe) in this field.

VD said...

You may well be right, Tedilasllaves. But the thing is, if I don't write these things the way they occur to me, they simply don't get written.

So, for better or for worse, it is what it is. This not only isn't my main job or my main hobby, it's not even my main blog.

VD said...

Should have read the article before commenting, My bad.

A highly recommended practice indeed.

mmaier2112 said...

So "Can I give you a life-extending shot of baby batter" is a good pickup line?

Fatherof10 said...

I would bet that if you dug deeper into the numbers, married sex has a greater effect than riding the alpha carousel.

Anonymous said...

Funny, when I read the article, I thought thank God for my husband. No wonder people say I don't look 40.

Doom said...

Interesting. I believe this absolutely. I think it has something to do with a woman really liking the sex, getting off on it strongly enough, one way or the other (and I think women have more than one or even two ways to enjoy procreation). It is part of a woman being owned, truly, in the grip of 'something' she can only surrender to, mostly. It takes a right attitude on her part and a masculine man to make it work. None of which is being advanced in our modern societies. Something about teaching them how to wiggle but not telling them why.

Anonymous said...

1. Sex is exercise. Most people don't exercise.
2. Sex involves releases of endorphins and other hormones.
3. According to Athol Kay (MMSL), it can involve a transfer of testosterone from the to the woman.

Does regular sex make women look younger? Do younger-looking women have more regular sex?

I suspect a little from column A, and a little from column B.

Anonymous said...

And since no one else has mentioned it yet, Estevus Lauderus Aegyptus = golden. Especially the snake part.

LP2021 Bank of LP Work in Progress said...


Stupidity defined: If I am keeping track correctly this is day 13 of the cold/sinus annoyance. I have stayed home 6 of those 12/13 days to rest and its driving me nuts. I wouldn't know what to do without my workouts. I'd be miserable.

The other 6 to 7 days I pushed myself to workout and workout rough enough to exhaust myself for a deeper sleep. This plan has not worked very well. But even still, I'm told I'm glowing and I reply "no, that is just the fever and the sweat."

LP2021 Bank of LP Work in Progress said...

I saw "Estevus Lauderus" and immediately thought; estee lauder. Brand brainwashed for brand names.

Monique said...

I think women would GLADLY have more sex if more men made it worth their time.

Bocaj6487 said...

I thought the same thing. Wasnt it intentional?

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