Friday, November 4, 2011

The hair equivalent of obese

Short hair doesn't work on Hollywood actresses. It's not going to work on you:
Take Michelle Williams - one of the prettiest young actresses around - who recently announced that boys hate her hair. She told Elle UK: 'I've really grown into it - I feel like myself with short hair. And it's been a really long time since I had long hair, five years. Of course, the only people who like it are gay men and my girlfriends. Straight men across the board are not into this hair.'

We're pretty sure we could find at least a couple of straight men who still think she looks gorgeous, but the 31-year-old has only found one exception.
One exception... and he killed himself. QED. Short hair on women isn't merely ugly, it's aggressively unsexy. There is a reason strippers and porn stars have extraordinarily long hair, which is that their jobs depend upon being sexually attractive to men. So, unless you're genuinely trying to look less attractive to men, don't even think about chopping off your hair. And if you want to be more attractive, then grow your hair longer.

Of course, your girlfriends will coo over how "cute" a short hairstyle is. Do you know what else is cute? Babies. And puppies. Now ask yourself this question: do most men want to have sex with babies and puppies? Women love to encourage other women to cut their hair off for the very simple reason that it makes them look better by comparison. It's the same reason they're always telling women who are 15 pounds overweight that they are "too skinny" and encouraging them to eat more.

It would be interesting to work out exactly how unattractive short hair is to men on average using the fat metric. I would say that short hair is the rough equivalent of a woman carrying an extra 20 pounds, but then, I tend to prefer very slender women. So, for the average man, I would estimate that short hair reduces a woman's level of attractiveness by around 30 pounds.


glacierman said...

Try 60 or maybe 100 pounds.

AmyJ said...

Bear with me - I'm about to use "I" and "me" a lot, so I'm sorry, but it's relevant (I think):

I'm a natural redhead, so I've been getting compliments on my hair all my life. After almost 30 years on this earth, I can say - hands down - that I get twice as many compliments from both men and women (mostly men) when my hair is long, than I do when I get it cut short. I mean, people get poetic when it's long. Not so much when I get it cut to a "cute" bob.

And it's true - women (never men) will fawn all over it when it's cut short, but I see the wistful looks they give my hair when it's flowing down my back. If other women pulled their heads out of their butt and noticed this when getting compliments about their hair, I doubt as many of them would go short ever again.

VD said...

And it's true - women (never men) will fawn all over it when it's cut short, but I see the wistful looks they give my hair when it's flowing down my back.

Trust the revealed preferences, not the public posturing. Remember, women always want to be the prettiest girl at the party, and they don't hesitate to play dirty in order to obtain an advantage over other women, including their friends.

Jack Dublin said...

My sis showed me Emma Watson with short hair. I retched. She said it looked okay. However, my sis is a straight female. Even if she isn't being competitive, her opinion is a valueless currency. All the women in the world can call it cute. What guys think is the only relevant metric.

Anonymous said...

And let's be honest. Another great thing about long hair is the hair bra! It is quite sexy for a woman to be riding you during sex and her hair is long enough to give her a hair bra!

indyguy77@work said...

"QED" So you're saying female short hair causes men to kill themselves?

"prettiest"????? WTF? Who'd they ask? Homo-run GQ? The "prettiest" lists always seem to have short-haired dogs on them these days.

Michelle Williams cropped hers but it's not much of a loss cuz she's not that pretty even with long hair. Emma Watson needs long hair to appear the least bit feminine. They both look like dykes with the cropped dos.

But many if not most women are simply dead stupid about their hair. I have very healthy hair and I've often grown it long (once down to my waist). When a woman would say "I wish I could grow mine like that" I would sometimes ask if they color / bleach, iron and blow dry theirs. Almost always the answers were yes.

I told them to stop all that, not wash it obsessively and just let it grow. They'd just look at me as though I was insane, even though they had evidence of the results right in front of them.

indyguy77@work said...

AmyJ: Pics or it didn't happen.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I often say I "like" short hair, but that picture of her is not what I have in mind. She looks awful. Truly. She looks like a teenage boy.

dannyfrom504 said...

it's RARE for a girl to be able to pull off short hair. and i'm willing to bet, if you think she looks cute with short hair, it's probably because you've never seen it long.

just my 2 copper.

ZT said...

Female: "BUT BUT, they babies will pull on it..."

Me: "put in a bun hun"

And big second on the hair-bra. That is just freak'n awesome how the hair falls like a waterfall over the breasts.

Hair in a nice bun is sexy as well in the sexy office chic/librarian way.

RVT said...

Short hair makes women look androgynous. It's hard to find short haired women attractive because my brain has trouble categorizing them as female.

Anonymous said...

This is probably the most inane thing posted on this blog and that's an accomplishment.

NateM said...

"Now ask yourself this question: do most men want to have sex with babies and puppies?"

This is the internet. QED

Roundtine said...

I remember a scene in Band of Brothers. After they liberated a Dutch city, the women who fornicated with the Nazis were dragged into the street by locals and had their hair cut.

Anonymous said...

When they met, that is to say when Ledger was attracted to her, she had long hair. She cut it short when they were "going through a hard time" in the relationship. Of course he told her he liked the short haircut during the attempted reconciliation phase. Doh. But thereafter they separated, and were still apart when he died. Yet she says that she is keeping in short in honor of his memory.

Wow, the hamster is strong in this one.

Jules L. said...

I would say this is likely true 99% of the time, but what about Halle Berry?

Anonymous said...

It depends on the hair. If her hair is healthy, then yes longer is better. If she is losing her hair, or it is weak and breaks or splits easily, then long hair can be pretty hideous. My wife had long hair in college and it looked good on her. After we got married her hair started to thin and it didn't look good long. She needed to keep it shorter in order to look well-groomed.


Anonymous said...

"This is probably the most inane thing posted on this blog and that's an accomplishment."


JACIII said...

"The only straight man" who liked her boy-cut...... Should have told her something about her boyfriend the rest of the world already had figured out.

Anonymous said...

Its elementary ladies. Ask "yourself what kind of man is attracted to Harry Potter look a likes?"

Accipitrine said...

My old barber back home explained once why he quit taking female customers (paraphrased from my memory):
"Every woman eventually comes in with a magazine photo of some actress with very short hair. I try to explain about face shapes, hair types, and the difference between a pretty 20-year-old and an average 40-year-old, but they never listen. They practically hold a gun to my head. So I give them exactly what they want. Then they look in the mirror, burst into tears, and start calling me filthy names. They storm out and never come back."

Desert Cat said...

Of course he told her he liked the short haircut during the attempted reconciliation phase.

A man who, upon seeing a woman of his acquaintance with freshly shorn locks, exclaims that she looks good, cute, etc. is almost certainly either gay or a gamma suckup.

Don't encourage this, guys.

Long locks = beautiful
Short bob = meh (or bleh)

It is SCIENCE!!!11!

Desert Cat said...

I would say this is likely true 99% of the time, but what about Halle Berry?

Can someone who is very attractive to start with, "get away" with wearing very short hair? Yes.

That says nothing about their relative attractiveness with longer hair.

Desert Cat said...

Here is Halle Berry with long hair and Halle Berry with short hair

We report, you decide.

Brian said...

"Where did your long hair go? Where is the girl I used to know? How could you lose that happy glow? Oh Caroline, no..."

SarahsDaughter said...

No brainer, Desert Cat. Wow!

Stephen J. said...

Two words, folks: Louise Brooks. For that matter, two more: Marilyn Monroe. (Look it up. Half her most iconic shots, her hair wasn't below the shoulders, and she was still pretty darn hot.)

If your standards are so inflexible -- or the woman has so little else to recommend her -- that hair length alone will make or break her as a prospective interest, I can't help but think there's a point being missed somewhere. A woman who likes how she looks for its own sake is more appealing in person than a woman wearing a hairstyle she doesn't like solely to attract men.

Desert Cat said...

"...and she was still pretty darn hot..."


What I wrote above.

Anonymous said...

Look, it's basic biology. Long, good looking hair is one indicator of health, which translates into reproductive fitness, and is thus attractive in the most primal sense. Can short hair be overcome by other attraction factors? Sure, but it's an overt signal that the lady in question is intentionally scaling back her marketing activities, for whatever reason.

Anonymous said...

What would you say about natural hair on black girls? I am 23 and would like to maximize my
attractiveness. My hair shrinks up to above shoulder length due to its very kinky texture, although when stretched (manually) it is past my mid bank and it should approach my waistline in about 7-8 months.

Now I've been thinking very deeply about chemically relaxing my hair and just wearing it strength simply because I think the look of straight, long hair is just more generally attractive to men.

Of course this is not something I would ever ask in a natural hair forum because I would get eaten alive and shamed, but I'm curious as to what your perspective on it might be.

VD said...

I've been thinking very deeply about chemically relaxing my hair and just wearing it strength simply because I think the look of straight, long hair is just more generally attractive to men.

My opinion is that Rihanna looks much more attractive in her old videos where her hair is long and straight. Could be a wig, of course, I have no idea. There's nothing wrong with curly hair, it is what it is. But in general, long, straight hair does look more feminine.

Whatever you do, don't go with that shorn sheep look that some black women affect. That's just inexplicable.

Kiwi the Geek said...

I'm not a man, and I'm told that black men have different ideals than white men, but here's an idea--long cornrows or dreads, if well cared for, might be a way for you to have long hair naturally. One of the Cosby daughters had hair like that,
and I thought it looked beautiful. But I know some people think dreads are gross, and I don't know how hard it would be to do cornrows with really long hair.

Kyle said...

I like long hair too, but it seem weird to deride "cute" as a negative trait. Pretty much all the girls I like would be described as "cute" rather than "hot" or whatever - maybe because the modest ones are less trouble.

Anonymous said...

When women encourage their friends to get short hair, the subtext is "making her look worse makes me look better". Basically increasing their value at their friends expense. My wife is an identical twin and has often told her sister to grow her hair out to attract more men, but her sister ignores the advice.

Anonymous said...

I am a woman, and I am very honest about my tastes, I don't generally tell any girl who's cut her hair that she looks "better", or "cute". I agree that most women don't. It's a pretentious hairstyle and it needs to match you, not just physically, but personality and energy-"aura"-wise.
Length is just as important as color-a woman should wear what's most flattering to her, and what makes her "stand out". I think Charlize Theron is a perfect example of a woman who looks gorgeous with short hair. I saw her with long hair, and it looks terrible on her. It's like long hair detracts attention from her flawless features and long,sexy neck.
Here's another thing: short hair generally looks better on women with slim, beautiful bodies, and long necks. I thought Nicole Kidman looked really hot in "Birth" with a pixie-crop wig, although she looks equally well with long hair, too.
Emma Watson, on the other hand..should've stayed with her golden locks. I think short hair on her does make her look less feminine, almost like a teenage boy. Not quite sure what it is about her features that doesn't match short hair, but there it is..
Anyway, my point is, some women just seem to shine with short hair. Telling them to keep it long just to make men feel more masculine is like trying to keep an exotic bird in a cage.
Personally, I've had my hair cut to a short bob once, and, I agree, male attention dropped almost to 0, yet all the girls around me told me I looked smokin'. I don't believe it was malicious, really, I think aesthetically speaking, the bob really did look more flattering on me, but I suppose most men are as blind to short-haired beauty as they are to obese women, like you said.

Unknown said...

wow maybe women don't wanna do everything for men. maybe we should be uplifting people to do what they please with their bodies and hair, instead of shaming them and making them feel ugly.

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