Highschool taught me a lot about girls. I always thought pissing them off will send them away while being playful with them will do the opposite. But during highschool I learned a different story. Vanessa was the hottest chick in our batch. She was the girl that even the higher year guys would hit on and she always wins beauty pageants. And from what I can observed, Vanessa perfectly knows how attractive she is. I rarely interact with her since we never get to be in the same class until 4th year. The first time I saw her she was talking to this boy. It seems that he made a move on Vanessa and she was pissed about it. When she did not want anymore from him Vanessa waved her hand on his face and turned away.And that was the sound of one car crashing.... This is an interesting case study because Toby is clearly a delta with some gamma tendencies. He didn't get the girl who was sending him written and signed indications of interest, presumably because he was afraid to pursue. And yet, despite his modest socio-sexual rank, notice how two public interactions in which he stood his ground in front of an audience were sufficient to make him look attractive to one of the higher ranking girls. Tthere are two lessons here. The first is to be bold in standing up for yourself. Women respect it. Women find it attractive.
There were other students who saw this. Their immediate reaction was disgust and started calling her a bitch. My reaction was "WOW!" and it was quite load since Vanessa heard it and turned my way. She was surprised. She had the looked where a huge question mark was written on her forehead.
Vanessa: Wow?
Me: Yeah! Wow! That was my first time seeing you do that.
Vanessa: So you're one of the soft boys then.
Me: Soft boys? You mean gays?
Vanessa: No! I mean boys who can't deal with girls who can stand up to them.
Me: You mean boys who can't deal with a spoiled little girl.
Several students cheered in agreement with me.
Vanessa: I'm not spoiled!
Me: Yes you are. You are spoiled! spoiled! spoiled!
Vanessa gave me the death stare and walked away. I thought her face was really cute when she was angry. The next class came as a surprise to me. It was a combination of two sections, mine and Vanessa's. It was the faculty's attempt to be efficient. Vanessa was on the same row as me and seated 2 chairs away. The teacher started the class by introducing the topic of debate. So he asked one of us to start a topic that everyone can debate about. Then Lani volunteered to propose a topic.
Lani: I have one, teacher. Why are boys so clueless?
The girls started laughing. Then some of the boys started booing. I asked Lani out load.
Me: Lani! Did Carl piss you off again?
There was laughter from both sides. Vanessa was laughing too. Carl is Lani's boyfriend and most of us already know that when Lani starts to rant about boys it is because Carl pissed her off. But somehow Vanessa thought it was a perfect time to get back at me for what I did earlier.
Vanessa: So tell us, why are boys like you so clueless?
I stood up and started addressing the class.
Me: I admit that I did piss you off awhile ago. But that is not a good reason to think that boys are clueless.
The teacher agreed with me and demanded that Vanessa and Lani drop the topic. Vanessa started giving me the death stare again.
Fast forward to 4th year. Vanessa and I were classmates now. During english class our teacher gave us an activity where we write letters to our classmates that really made an impression on us. Vanessa wrote me a letter. In it she confessed that she had a crush on me ever since the day I called her a spoiled girl. I was like "WTF! That was like two years ago!". I read on and she continued telling me how she finds me really attractive during one of the class debates where I participated. She thinks that I was really brave and manly. But what she really find attractive the most is the fact that I was not like the other boys whom she can easily manipulate. She finds it annoying at times whenever I make it so difficult for her whenever she asks me for favors.
I tried to think more about my interaction with her in our class. All I can remember is that I rarely praise her nor do anything for her while I tease her a lot. Well, I rarely do anything for any girl even for my girlfriend. But to know that arguing with them and treating them badly could make a very attractive girl fall for you was a surprise.
I replied to her letter:
I was surprised by your confession. I can tell if a girl has a crush on me but I never sensed that from you. But you know that I already have a girlfriend. I am flattered that a very pretty girl like you has a crush on me but right now I do hope you find someone else.
Vanessa never became my girlfriend primarily because I never pursued her. After high school there were times I thought I should have gone out with her.
The second is to be fearless in pursuit of the pretty. Game theoreticians often advise young women not to waste the pretty, but young men shouldn't assume it is going to be sitting around waiting for them forever either. For the bold, for the would-be alpha, the right moment is always now. Toby's problem was that he wasn't cognizant of the effect that his actions would have, and therefore he blew an excellent opportunity to outkick his coverage.
33 comments:
I couldnt possibly facepalm any harder than I just did. A signed letter? Really??
load is suppose to be LOUD...
And I was not afraid of Vanessa back then. If I was single at that time of her confession I would have pursued her.
But if I knew how she felt about me back in 2nd year high I would have pursued her back then despite the number of competitors that I would end up going against. It was how I rolled back in highschool. If I liked the girl and I sensed that she likes me as well then I will court her. And when I'm in a relationship I do not end it just because a pretty girl whom I am attracted to confessed her desire for me. It was a standard that I got from my dad. But there were times when I question such standard.
The best thing about the experience was that it exposed me to IOIs that I have never seen before.
DW said:I couldnt possibly facepalm any harder than I just did. A signed letter? Really??
You have no idea how effective love letters are( or were) to female highschoolers in a conservative society.
Ah, but if "pretty" brings with it continual princess behavior and shit tests and shallowness and just general meanness one would have to ask themself, is it worth it?
i am thinking eventual LTR, not a PnD.
Why not invest time in another 9 who does not invoke so much drama?
If I was single at that time of her confession I would have pursued her.
First, you didn't mention that, only that you thought you should have pursued her at some point. Second, male pursuit should be based upon your interests, not hers. Granted, few 10th graders will understand that, but it is true nonetheless.
Ah, but if "pretty" brings with it continual princess behavior and shit tests and shallowness and just general meanness one would have to ask themself, is it worth it?
Of course not. That's why men put so many women in the Whore category. They're good enough for one night, they're not good enough for life.
It is the man who decides if he is going to present himself as ALPHA or BETA to the woman. And it is the woman who decides if she is going to present her self as Madonna or Whore.
Uh yeah he did:
I replied to her letter:
I was surprised by your confession. I can tell if a girl has a crush on me but I never sensed that from you. But you know that I already have a girlfriend.
> Madonna or Whore
Hopefully you don't mean the singer of that name. They would be the same terms in that case I suspect.
I think you did a great job, Toby. High five, bro.
Who cares whether or not you pursued her or this or that. Granted, banging her would have been props, but you still put a bitch in her place and made her all putty-like in your hands (regardless of whether you knew it). That is quite an accomplishment. You go brotha!
Uh yeah he did
Yes, you're right.
So, are you still ranking him as a Delta?
alphapersona said: "I think you did a great job, Toby. High five, bro.
Who cares whether or not you pursued her or this or that. Granted, banging her would have been props, but you still put a bitch in her place and made her all putty-like in your hands (regardless of whether you knew it). That is quite an accomplishment. You go brotha!"
I do enjoy shutting a girl up who obviously acts like a princess. But I was still lacking in skill. My method back then was always about taking the path of least resistance. That is why if the girl that I like also shows interest in me then I go after her. Vanessa was different. I was not nice to her despite being attracted to her and she was bitchy around me despite her 2 year long attraction towards me. In a sense, we mirrored each other: I like her but I treat her badly. She likes me but she treats me badly.
So, are you still ranking him as a Delta?
Yes. First, most men are deltas. He was still reactive, not proactive, didn't notice the interest, and his girlfriend was apparently lower ranking. And he was still dwelling on her years later.
On the other hand, he wasn't stalking her or writing her poetry to be discovered after he was dead. So, probably not gamma either.
Hey guys.
Is it OK to not go to a place/event your putative gf invited you to (that you accepted) because she never returns your calls?
I've been dating someone. She seems like the type of high moral caliber (she hasn't dated anyone since high school. That was ten years ago. Also, she was out of the SMP for a while because she was discerning whether to become a nun). We've had physical contact up to kissing, but no making out (and definitely not sex).
However, I'm the only one who calls, and she hardly returns mine. I'm thinking, "Don't go to this event. Maybe then she'll call. If she does, do not answer unless the calls are frequent, and wait a few days to reply after last call." We had some great dates, but if she doesn't show much interest, I have to move on.
Short answer: yes. It's okay to not go to any event that you don't wish to attend and that you have no social obligation to attend.
That was my instinct as well. If you have a long answer I'm willing to wait for it.
She was a nice date, and it was nice of her to be the one to visit on our first date (It's a semi long distance thing: 1hr drive). But I've had my doubts (won't go into details), exacerbated by the fact that she says she'll call (but doesn't) and not being the one who initiates any contact.
It will suck going back to the market since I got the ball rolling simply by saying "I just wanted to know you" and to her, I stood out among all the other guys because of my strong shared religious beliefs. (Anime/Dr. Who nerds tend to be infamous for their social awkwardness and atheism). No tricks, no games. But at the end of the day, with my education and income (and her lack thereof) I shouldn't have to beg.
Her income and education are irrelevant.
You don't seem to like her very much - why bother with it? The market is a good place to be: that's where you get to buy things that might actually be pleasant to consume.
Sounds like last time you went there you got a rain check.
Calls are like money - they should always flow your direction: you shouldn't be spending them, especially after the first time your "investment" goes bust.
So if I like her, I shouldn't call her? I like her. We have the same interests and she doesn't mooch from me.
I'm so confused. It seems that there are no middle grounds in Game. Either a woman is a mindless sex puppet who will do anything for you even if you abuse her, or a ruthless queen who will use the full force of the government, society, and her sexual prowess to dominate you. I am pretty sure my girl doesn't fall neatly into either category.
Even now, if I get a chance to talk to her again, it seems that my options are 1). End the relationship as soon as possible, using an awesome-sounding and curt insult or 2). talk it over and see how the relationship is doing.
Game has taught me to see the absolute worst in women. It has given me blinders to think that every action by a woman has some ulterior motive of exacting emotional manipulation, and that women lie all the time about everything. There are no innocent explanations for anything. Is she not returning calls because she hates me, she's a slut, I'm not good enough, or because she didn't have her phone with her (something I do all the time?) Or, because not being in the dating game, she just doesn't know how to react?
It has also made me think that everything is all about me.
I am not saying that Game doesn't work, I'm saying maybe it's not for everyone. Just like how marathons are not for bulky, muscular people.
But at the end of the day, with my education and income (and her lack thereof) I shouldn't have to beg.
Who said you should beg? Game says you should never beg.
I'm so confused. It seems that there are no middle grounds in Game.
There is more than a middle ground, there is a huge range of gradients. The fact that you still see everything in black and white indicates that you are just learning Game. The basics are painted in black and white because so many omegas, gammas, deltas, and even betas DO NOT BELIEVE BLACK EXISTS.
Once you understand the core principles, you can begin applying them to real world examples which are seldom as clear and easy-to-determine as we would like.
But if she doesn't call you back, if she doesn't drive an hour to see you, she's just not that into you. Don't stop pursuing others at this point.
1). End the relationship as soon as possible, using an awesome-sounding and curt insult
Why would you ever do that? That's gamma and downright anti-Game. What she thinks is irrelevant. The right way to end an unserious "relationship" is to simply drop it in silence and move on.
"it seems that my options are:"
3) Start cutting yourself and writing poetry?
Seriously, dude, first realize that no matter what happens, you have options. Then take a step or two back and see how she responds. If she contacts you, she is interested and you can proceed from there, but be sure to proceed on your terms and don't get needy. If she does not contact you, she is just not attracted to you. Period. In that case move on with the satisfaction of knowing that you have avoided wasting valuable time and money that can be better spent elsewhere.
Anony-Mouse,
You like her. Then lead the relationship forward.
You do not have to go to the event if you do not want to.
If she is interested she will wonder why you did not show up and ask you why.
From my highschool experience, flirting with other girls even if you have a gf will only cause problems if your gf is so damn insecure. So flirt with other women.
Thanks, you guys.
I actually wanted to do this thing she invited me to, because it is something I would enjoy.
After stepping away from my predicament for a few hours, I realized my "plan" amounted to little more than a temper tantrum.
She is interested in me, otherwise she would have visited me not once, but twice. (That second time she spent the night. SEPARATE ROOMS, PEOPLE, WE HAVE STANDARDS). So far no plans to go out on a date have been denied, and the one week we didn't go out was because I unilaterally decided to go on a break.
"Is she not returning calls because she hates me, she's a slut, I'm not good enough, or because she didn't have her phone with her (something I do all the time?) Or, because not being in the dating game, she just doesn't know how to react?"
She's probably not returning your calls because she's attending orgies...
Seriously, though, you seem to be the one always initiating communications. Don't do that. You know why she doesn't call you or return your calls? Because she doesn't have to! She knows that you'll call again, so why should she put forth the effort?
Also, you seem to have developed oneitis over this girl. Don't do that. There are other girls on the girl tree.
And she should be visiting you twice for every one time you visit her.
" But at the end of the day, with my education and income (and her lack thereof) I shouldn't have to beg."
Education and income don't make you automatically desirable to women. Yes, it can be a proxy for social status, but if that's always the case, why are there lots of highly paid nerds who only get laid at comic con?
Toby clearly is a delta, if not perhaps a low beta.
A simple and similar experience in my own high school should demonstrate the difference.
There was the smoking hot chick I decided I wanted. We ran in the same circles... and often would be eating at the same table or near the same tables at lunch. I ignored her. This was painfully obvious becuase every other male fawned all over her.
One day she asked me to take her empty tray back for her. She didn't actually ask... she looked at me and smiled and held it out.
I simply put my tray on top of hers and sat back down.
I took her virginity a few weeks later.
If that's the goal of game, then this is all worthless. Have fun enjoying hedonism while the boat sinks.
And there is your resident Gamma.
I would rather be a gamma (if I am) than just live a life to take advantage of others.
I suppose having values beyond "winning" may make me a gamma, though I can certainly be quite competitive.
Is being willing to use others really the whole point of being an alpha?
Was Jesus a beta, gamma or whatever?
Taking someone's virginity seems to me to be more like the abuse that was disagreed with earlier in one of these threads.
I would be interested to know exactly what it requires.
Note I did try to review some of the links at the top right of the base page and they are broken.
What makes you a gamma is the fact that you assume the poor innocent girl was used or somehow taken advantage of.
I was reactive in a sense that I was not well aware of how top tier women react to men who do not put up with them. That was the only thing that was delta about me back in highschool.
"What makes you a gamma is the fact that you assume the poor innocent girl was used or somehow taken advantage of."
Reminds me of a relationship book we read. It suggested that my husband "stand in the stead" of every man that hurt me and ask for my forgiveness. By that, the author indicated every man I'd slept with other than him, my husband. Assuming, of course, that any man that had sex with me without being married to me was "hurting" me.
Christian, gamma, book of bullshit.
Don't get me wrong, I am a Christian woman. Very responsible for my own indiscretions (premarital sex). How do these authors, supposing to be "men of God" even look themselves in the mirror? When you take away a woman's sin by blaming it on the guy alone, how do you ever imagine she will develop her own relationship with Christ? It is hard enough for us women to take responsibility for our actions, we really don't need the assistance of Satan's minions masking themselves as Christian authors to abdicate what we need to confess, honestly, to our Redeemer.
My earlier comment was meant to point out that I do not see Jesus as being anything but an alpha individual. He controlled all the situations He was in, yet He did not live to exploit others.
Anyone who thinks this life is merely for gratifying our own desires is missing a serious amount of real life.
The principles here have some certain truth, but the application to merely exploit others rightly gives it a poor image.
Post a Comment
NO ANONYMOUS COMMENTS.