Thursday, September 29, 2011

There are no victims

One of the interesting things that came up in the discussions on the Yes, They Lied to You post was the idea that women can somehow be victimized or abused by men who practice what Susan Walsh described as the ominous-sounding Dark Game. By this, she means the predatory Game utilized by men with Dark Triad personality traits, which are narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy.

But the ironic thing is that this sort of Game doesn't catch any woman who isn't determined to be caught. All that avoiding it requires is to do the obvious and react in a reasonable manner rather than allowing the hamster to propel you into engaging with the man who is playing you like a puppet.

The key, I think, is for the woman to remain calm and ignore any provocations. As strange as it sounds, anger and even hatred are attractants for women. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard a woman say "At first, I could not stand him" when talking about a man with whom she subsequently had sex. It is readily apparent that if a man's mere demeanor somehow offends a woman, she is going to be drawn to him. Since women fear rejection to an extent that few men can understand, their instinctive response when meeting with rejection and/or contempt is to try to placate the person rejecting them.

This, of course, is closely related to the concept of Displaying High Value. It is the higher value individual who rejects the lower value individual, therefore if a man is rejecting a woman, he is therefore higher value and attractive. If a man is insufficiently steeped in the dark arts to slap a woman or spit in her face upon being introduced, an equally effective tactic would be to snort dismissively and turn away, or better yet, emit a burst of derisive laughter.

Now, a woman wise in the ways of Dark Game would recognize these as provocations, ignore them, and remain safe. The average woman, however, is going to respond with outraged fascination and attempt to "tell him off" or "show what a loser he is" or some other hamsterization. The problem is that the emotional engagement has already been established, the hook has been firmly sunk, and it's just a matter of time before the little fish is reeled in.

This, by the way, is why some men grab women's asses. Because it really does work sometimes, although annoyance is a much less powerful attractant than hate. The problem stems from the female inability to consciously distinguish between what women actually find attractive and the behaviors they wish attractive men would exhibit.

Anyhow, the point is that just as a woman who doesn't go and talk to the man who grabs her ass or catcalls her isn't likely to find herself enmeshed in a problematic relationship with him, the woman who doesn't leap at the lure of the Dark Gamer isn't going to be "abused" by him. If you find yourself on the hook, it's your fault for taking the bait. You're not a victim, you're a participant.


Anonymous said...

I like this good advice.

The equivalent for a guy is when a woman tries to manipulate him by showing off her assets and teasing with cleavage, tight shorts, etc. As a guy it is very easy to stop thinking with the brain and fall into the trap. Keeping in mind she is trying to manipulate me is the best way to resist.

Trust said...

A common saying is "fishing never ends well for the bait."

It also doesn't end well for the fish, though the fish is quite excited before he bites. This changes once the hook is in... then the fisherman feasts and discards.

Such is the dark game for women.

Such is marriage for men.

The person is pleasing you like the fisherman baits the hook to please the fish.

Post a Comment