Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Women: don't cut your damn hair

Athol Kay explains why it is a bad idea:
Dozens of times in my life I've experienced having one of those mild background crush feelings for a woman, instantly disappear as soon as she cuts her hair very short. I mean seriously, real feelings of attraction just instantly gone. Monday I was into you with your pretty shoulder length hair; Tuesday morning arrived and you walked in with it trimmed away to not all that much, and I have no more attraction to you.

Of course all her friends and coworkers just love her new hair style! Of course they would, she just botched her appearance and if she falls off the top of the sexy ladder, everyone else gets to move up a place. So like OMG I just love it!
I am among the many men who absolutely despise short hair on women. If a woman's hairstyle is described as "cute", I can just about guarantee that I'm going to hate it. Even when an attractive woman can pull it off, she almost invariably looks even better with long hair. Spacebunny has long, blonde hair, longer than it was when we met, and I like it just as it is. I would hate for her to cut it off. Athol is correct to point out the ulterior motive women have for praising women who chop their hair off, as it makes them look more attractive in comparison.

So why do women do it when so many men actively hate short hair? I think there are two reasons, one which applies to younger women and one which applies to older women. Because only a very pretty woman can look attractive in a short hairstyle, female logic tells the woman contemplating hair-butchery that if she cuts her hair off and can manage to pull off the look, then she must be extremely attractive. This sounds absurd to the rational mind, but remember, most women overrate themselves by at least two points because they rate themselves by their hottest-ever hookup rather than by the average of their past romantic record. And since she will inevitably be rewarded with praise from her female friends, she wrongly concludes that she has indeed pulled it off and is therefore highly attractive even as her attractiveness drops a point or two in the eyes of all the men around her.

The second reason is that women are much more concerned about hair health than men are. So, as they age and their hair turns grey and loses texture and body, they believe they will look better if they just cut it off. Which is ridiculous, at least as far as men are concerned, as evidenced by Athol's preference for his wife's "badly-damaged-with-an-accidental-bleaching-incident" hair to her healthy, natural, brunette hair. One need only to have lived in the 80s to realize that men could not possibly care less about the appeal of "healthy hair" what with all the perms, home-bleaching, and cheap hair spray that was de rigueur back then.

The unpleasant, but observable fact is that post-menopausal women who cut their hair off tend to look like short, squatty men, even if they elect to rock that inexplicable blue puff perm on top that is apparently meant to signify female status. Forget who is more attractive, who looks more female, this woman or this one? Guys of any age don't care how healthy a woman's hair happens to look if she looks like a freaking man; it's not as if men turn gay because Matt Damon's coiffure has a healthy, well-conditioned shine.

Anyhow, if you're a woman, let your locks flow long and don't trust any woman who encourages you to chop them off. The more hair, the more better.


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Jean said...

I know I'm late to the party, but...........I'm past 60 and am finally growing out my hair, as I look 20 years younger with it long. Long, healthy hair on women is a genetic sign of fertility, as are large breasts, wide hips and long legs. While far too many of us don't fit that profile, long hair can be had by most women who are willing to take care of it. I've also stopped coloring my hair and it's coming in like sterling silver as opposed to just grey. My men friends love it and I will continue to grow it as long as I can.

Unknown said...

It's so awesome I don't care about your opinion:)

Unknown said...

I love not shedding all over my bathroom floor every morning after washing. Love not waiting for it to dry. Love not buying product. Love that a rainy day doesn't leave me with wet hair for hours at inconvenient times. I can go backpacking with less stress. All these conveniences that men take for granted. Isn't it great that they are given the option without the judgement? Maybe we should consider the most practical things as the most desirable--or, at least qualify them.

Unknown said...

This comment section is ridiculous - almost if not more so than the original post. Y'all, really , one tired dudes opinion doesn't matter. He doesn't speak for everyone, excluding the few incessant pissants who are griping about women in the comments.

Cut it, shave it, grow it, whatever. It's just hair, a renewable aesthetic (to most).

OC said...

While long hair is very attractive, so is a nice short Pixie Cut just as sexy. My wife grew her hair from layered at chin, shoulders bra waist to 9'3" long from 1973 to 1979. I was so glad when she asked could she cut it because she was pregnant. We went to the Beauty Shop and she had a Pixie Cut which she chose as and easy style. Gone was the 4.23 Lbs. of hair, gone were the 45 min hair shampooing's and 14 hour hair dryings over the bed posts, Long was sexy but she emerged more radiant in a Pixie Cut. So Now she has grown it to waist length every 4 years and donated it so she can have a change in styles and loves growing and then cutting, the best of the long and short of it.

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