Saturday, March 19, 2011

The usefulness of a new attitude

When I expressed a need for a change in my attitude toward approaching in my last post I was very eager to go out and see what effects it would have on my game. I wanted to know if approaching a girl with boldness and not being afraid of what I wanted would have any significant effect. After finishing the post I immediately went to a local mall and began approaching.

Usually if I go out to meet girls I find it very hard to get past the initial nervousness. As I have mentioned in previous posts it usually takes me some time to push past the fear. This time was different. While it took a minute to find a target, as soon as I had one I made my move. The interaction was very brief because while I did my best to be charming my goal was to get used to the idea that I was pursuing what I wanted. So I asked for her number after about five minutes of interaction. She was married.

I quickly moved on and approached a girl I had wanted to talk to for a few weeks but had not had the courage. She was tending a sunglasses kiosk. She was also married.

I approached another and simply focused on flirting because she looked kind of young. She was responding very positively. At an appropriate time I asked her if she was going to school. Yes she was, to high school.

The next girl had a boyfriend. But she seemed impressed about my boldness.

The final approach was the worst. I was very encouraged about the fact that I had talked to four girls all within the space of an hour. I was so confident I simply said: "I am looking for a girlfriend." Not surprisingly she indicated she was not interested and neither was her friend. This brought me down to earth quite fast and I made a hasty retreat.

I did talk to a few other girls that night, just to strike up a conversation. In the end I learned some important things from these attempts and subsequent interactions.

-Being bold and honest about what I want, and pursuing it without apology is an effective antidote to fear. Especially if I was primarily afraid of my own desires.

-Rejection sucks. Big time. I am still kicking myself over the "I am looking for a girlfriend" line {Cringe}.

-Rejection is bearable and it is necessary for refining your approach.

-Malls may not be the best place for approaching. There are too many high-schoolers. I am thinking that going to a college may be a better place to approach.

-Boldness has a great deal of momentum. It gave me confidence to move from one approach to another without hesitation.

Since then I have done a number of approaches. Some with the intent of getting a number others just to strike up a conversation. This has taught me that doing several approaches with the intent of attracting a girl has its merits, but it is not necessary to separate your interactions into game and non-game categories. Every interaction is an opportunity to practice your skills whether projecting a bold attitude or simply practicing your people skills. Remember that game is a life skill and it is important to recognize that it can improve all areas of your life, not just your interactions with women.

After all an alpha is an alpha all the time, and if you have the attitude that game is something you are practicing all the time you will get better that much faster.


Anonymous said...

I'm going to thread-jack slightly...

I think there is a definite situational aspect to Game. A person can be alpha or beta at work, an omega in his personal life. It's something I'm dealing with.

Now, a tactical question...what are you using for a hunting ground? I'm trying to develop some Game, but have no interest in the bar scene. Any advice?

Josh said...

Why would you come out and say, "I am looking for a girlfriend?"

Leonidas said...

The best trick I've found to get past the nervousness is to convince yourself that you honestly don't care if she likes you or not and that you're honestly not interested in getting in her pants. Beyond the nervousness, that helps because, perversely, conveying that attitude actually makes it more likely that you will.

Of course, I find this about 10 times easier because I'm happily married. But still.

Also, weed out the married girls early, dude. Look for a ring. ;)

mmaier2112 said...

I almost always forget to look for the ring myself.

Retarded, I know. But it just never occurs to me.

Smesko said...

Ah...I, too, when I get an urge of Alphaness (I'm an Omega), say utterly insane stuff that I feel so embarrassed about later on. It's scary.

What do you think of the so-called Apocalypse Opener? "Hey, what's up? Do you want to come home with me?"

VD said...

Reading this was both encouraging and amusing. The first thing, as Leonidas and Indy already mentioned, is the obvious thing. ALWAYS CHECK FOR THE RING. You know, the one on the left hand, fourth finger. That will save you some potential misunderstandings. But don't be too embarrassed, as most married women will at least appreciate the compliment.

Second, like many people do when they first consciously attempt to do something, you're overcompensating a little. You no more need to tell a woman that you're looking for a girlfriend than you need to inform everyone that you are leaving the table in order to defecate. Just as a simple "excuse me" suffices in that situation, you should not offer too much information right away.

But you're going about it in a positive, proactive manner. That's good. Just dial it back about 25 percent and you should start seeing encouraging results.

Anonymous said...

I spent all last night approaching. I'm a natural sigma, but I've recently decided to test game theory to the max and REALLY fuck people up. My new approach technique for this week was to get REALLY drunk and jump on anything that moves (male or female—because I am awesome).

I can happily report that by the end of the med-school student party I was crashing, I had got A LOT of free drinks (from men and hot chicks tending bar), grabbed about 130 asses (male and female—because I am awesome), made out A LOT with a lot of girls who, for the most part, actually consented (before realizing that my only intention was to plug them right there on the dance floor), and insulted A LOT of people in ways they were just not expecting.

I will concede that by the end of the evening, I had drunk so much that even I wouldn't have fucked me, and a went home alone, ALONE.

I am still drunk now.

VD said...

My new approach technique for this week was to get REALLY drunk and jump on anything that moves (male or female—because I am awesome).

I'm just going to go out on a limb here and assume that you missed the bit about "saving Western Civilization". But congratulations on successfully demonstrating what the alternative may look like.

DJ said...

@RM Malls are a good for rapid fire practice, you might also try joining a gym or a local meetup group for additional practice atmosphere.

Boyfriend line can be a way to blow you off true or not use a line to question his value and watch what happens to her hamster. "Good, keep him around, you need someone to fold your laundry. Hey why don't we meet up (set a time and place same day). Press for number and leave.

DJ said...

@RM I understand where the wanting a girlfriend line came from, but that should not be your primary objective in chatting up the ladies, but rather to get appointments (dates).

When I was selling insurance door to door, my objective was to sell insurance but I knew I could not sell a policy unless I had minimum of 30 min to build rapport with all the decision makers in the household. So my objective at first meet was to set an appointment (however tentative) and get out of there.

In the same way, your 1st objective is to set up dates so that you can determine if she is girlfriend material. Set your tentative meetups at a place where you can chat up more ladies. Two reasons, if she flakes your time was not wasted, if she shows you have higher social value if chatting with people and not nursing a beer in the corner. When your date arrives, and you are talking to another female don't apologize. Just smile and see where it goes.

Nate said...

Crashing a med school block party is a bad... bad idea. Those "free drinks" are paid for by the class of students that also paid to rent the bar for the night.

I once saw a dude smashed to a puddle of good behind one of those bars after he had spend an hour or so drinking with people for free.

And grabbing guys asses? Another very good way to find yourself beaten to a pulp.

Then again... given that you clearly have homosexual tendencies it shouldn't surprise anyone that you also have serious self-destructive issues as well.

Tigger4Christ said...

DJ: that line about "keep him around, you need someone to fold your laundry". Not so good in my working class neighborhood, where most boyfriends are physically fit construction workers and tradesmen, who don't hesitate to use violence.

But yes, that is the most frequent blow-off line I've seen. You don't even mention you are single, you are just chatting, and they suddenly give you this LOOK, and bring up their "boyfriend" and his killer pit-bulls.

Yesterday at the mall one woman combined this line with "oh, AND I'm pregnant". But she wasn't living with the boyfriend or even intending to.

NateM said...

Well honestly, have you seen most med students? I have been friends with a fair few and they don't seem likely to beat much of anybody to a pulp.

NateM said...

Also, i've found just getting out there a useful exercise. Basically shows the gamma/omega who builds this social interaction up in their mind as this totally foreign and impossible thing that there's really nothing special about it, or most of the people out there. And also, as the author pointed out, rejection isn't the end of the world. I recently went out to a bar, approached several but mostly enjoyed myself, watched a game on tv, had some drinks.

The highlight for me was striking a conversation up with one girl who came to the bar, insulted a few others (I politely said 'excuse me' asking to get past them to the bar, they then became offended and stated that for my rudeness I owed them a drink, to which I replied right out of the roissy playbook 'i'm not an ATM', then walked away ) They then proceeded to tell the first girl what a jerk I was. Still got the first girls number.

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