Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Bitter Discovery


After reading Game blogs for the past two years I have come to the conclusion that a man’s reaction to the attitudes, techniques, and ideas that make up Game can be classified into roughly five categories. This in turn allows one to classify the man in the hierarchy. 

For the sake of this discussion we can safely ignore the first category: natural alphas. They are rarely seen commenting on a Game blog. They are more likely to be seen in the wild running the Game that has worked for them since they hit puberty. This goes for greater betas as well. These naturals have always had some degree of success with women and subsequently have no reason to change their habits. If they do get exposed to Game they are usually indifferent or contemptuous. They usually describe their Game as “Just have confidence” or “Just be yourself”. This is very useful advice if one is already an alpha. For the rest of the rest of us Game is our only option.

For deltas Game is the most valuable skill one can learn. These are the success stories. These are the lesser betas, gammas, and sometimes omegas who have applied themselves, and are more than willing to change and Game is the guide they always needed. They are the men who are willing to try anything to attract women, or save their marriage.

If the success stories on Roissy, Athol Kay, and the Hawaiian Libertarian are to be believed, Game has saved numerous marriages and gotten thousands of men the sex they have always wanted. Reading the success stories often gives the impression that discovering Game was like a thirsty man discovering water for the first time. These men have always known that they were fairly low on the social ladder but did not know how to ascend until they discovered Game. In some cases Game is simply permission to ascend. A great example of a delta success story is “The Game” by Neil Strauss. Every delta goes through something like Neil’s story.

For a gamma, Game is heresy. It is blasphemy against the god of feminism and niceness and her prophetesses. Its purveyors should be burned on a pyre of copies of the mystery method and its practitioners castrated. These are the feminist males; the true believers in the gospel that women preach. They are hopeless. Their counter-part, the lesser gamma, ignores Game and goes about his celibate ways wondering why the love of his life does not return his affections. Game has little to no effect on these men. They have invested too much in being a ‘nice guy’ and Game flies in the face of everything they believe.

Sigmas are about as rare as alphas as commenters, if not more so. Marked by above average intelligence Game is an interesting intellectual exercise to the sigma. He has never needed it but understanding it is not a waste of time.

At the bottom-most rung is the omega. These hopeless souls have no Game. They have repulsive anti-Game. In fact it is a lucky omega who only has zero Game. At least with zero Game you can hide and have people simply ignore you. Anti-Game draws far too much attention and is the source of a lot of pain. Omegas either do not participate in the social ladder due to severe punishment for trying (often doled out from their peers while they were in public school), or they do not even know that a social ladder exists.

For an omega the discovery of Game is very, very bitter. If they can get past all the mental justifications for why they are what they are, Game serves only as an explanation of why they have always been treated poorly. What makes it bitter is that an omega cannot, without Herculean effort, change. The social ladder exists and he cannot climb. “Just be yourself” is one of the worst pieces of advice for an omega, as it will probably get him labeled as creepy or worse get him a restraining order. An omega does not need Game, he needs therapy.

There are two types of omegas: the angry omega and the indifferent omega. Both are socially clueless. The angry omega is dangerous. While there is no way to tell where his snapping point is, the important thing to know is that it is there. If you push him too far you will regret it. Many school shooters have been omegas, notably Seung-Hui Cho of the Virginia tech shootings. The best way to deal with an angry omega is to avoid them.
The indifferent omega is usually not dangerous. They simply are not aware of social rules. They are loyal to a fault, easily wounded, and very awkward. At some point they simply gave up. They do not want social interaction or female attention as both desires have been beaten out of them by successive failures.

This been my category for the last 28 years.

I was raised in a Mormon Fundamentalist community and I was taught that marriage was the result of prayer and a revelation from God. On meeting a girl I was attracted to, I was instructed to first speak to my father. If he said yes I could then approach a designated religious leader in the community about my intentions. If he said yes I could then approach her father and ask for permission to court his daughter. If he consented I could finally speak to the girl and let my intentions be known. At this point we could begin dating. When we felt that it was right to get married I would go through the whole process again.

Being the devoted believer that I was I followed these instructions to the letter and did so multiple times. There was one girl who I felt with absolute certainty I was to marry. I was not interested (she was a 3) but felt that it was right. So I asked. She said no. One girl I fell in love with never returned my interests and I did not get over her for five years. I tried again. She said yes, but then broke up with me two months later. By text. There were a few other failures and I eventually gave up and left the community. 
With that as my model it should come as no surprise to anyone that reading “The Game” was a culture shock of massive proportions. It opened my eyes like nothing else has. For those inclined to look for evidence of hypergamy and social proof, look no farther than polygyny. A man who marries never really goes off the market. While there are brutally strict rules, spoke and unspoken, that govern non-marital sex, there is no reason a man cannot accumulate multiple mates. Any mid to high status woman can marry a reasonably high status man if she decides that is what she wants. Lower status men usually leave because they do not stand a chance. Why would a woman marry an unproven man when she can marry the man her beautiful sister married two years ago?

For evidence of hypergamy all you have to do is look at a man’s wives. The hottest women all end up with the highest status men, without fail. Conversely the ugly ones end up with the low status men. Looking back I can see why all those girls rejected me. It was not because they were not praying to God for the answer it was because I was so low status that a 3 could reject me without blinking. Religious devotion had no effect on the women I approached. Their instincts dictated the outcome.

The changes I have had to make to my personality for Game to work for me have not been small. And the successes I have achieved are very small. But the fact that I had a cute 7 come racing after me yesterday wondering why I did not come talk to her is a testament to the fact that even for an omega who had given up all hope, Game works.

26 comments:

Tigger4Christ said...

Great post. To make those changes in yourself, did you have to dump the religion overboard, or did you retain some belief in Jesus/God/Bible, etc?

Reading your post was like a punch in the stomach; I had a similar religious indoctrination to you. The indoctrinated behavior took me from being a natural beta to... an omega. Damn. This is going to be harder to fix than I thought.

Difster said...

RM,

I have one friend who's about as Omega as you get. I've known him for a long time and now he's just downright creepy. He's never had a girlfriend to the best of my knowledge. And to top it all off, he's a TSA worker now.

I have two questions.

1. What was the most significant change you made to get out of being an Omega?

2. What other changes do you think you need to make in order to ensure that the change is complete and permanent?

Nate said...

Damn.

Just...

Damn.

Battlefrog said...

You seem somewhat more socially well adjusted than many omegas. From the tone of your post, you're only problem is giving off the wrong signals to women who are already in your social circle.

As a 31 year old omega myself, I have never had a non-location-specific (i.e., someone I chat with at work) friend in my entire post-adolescent life. The thing about game that I find useless as an omega is the "I got this chick interested, now what?" problem. Since I'm a Christian, I'm not looking to hit and run, so she's gonna find out I'm a complete loner sooner or later. As far as I can tell, very few women would be o.k. with that.

I think a lot of us omegas need to get our hands on a theory of "pre-game" before we can bother with actual game.

Difster said...

Battlefrog,

Here's your pre-Game training. Download, rent, buy, whatever, all the past episodes of Beauty and the Geek. It's corny but it will have some good insights for you.

Watch what happens to the guys as they are directed through changes in their style and their interactions with hot women. Just as important, watch how women react to the changes in these guys.

If you can't get your hands on any of that, then here is my suggestion.

Find something about your appearance to change. If you're over weight, dedicate yourself to hitting the gym.

Do you wear glasses? Get contacts.

Are you a fashion slob? Pay a hot girl to take you shopping and change your style. Listen to her advice.

Go somewhere every day that will give you a chance to have a conversation with reasonably attractive women. I don't care what you say, just start talking to them. Try not to be creepy but other than that, say whatever comes to mind. At the grocery store behind a woman, pay attention to what is in her cart, draw some conclusions and make a light hearted comment.

Go on a video chat site like camfrog.com (it's free) and just stay in the main chatroom and strike up conversations. Be social there. Practice your game a little.

Here's an extreme idea. Pay for a few hours with a prostitute, but not for sex. Do things like hold her close with your arm around her waist and look at her and make small talk. Look in to her eyes. Get comfortable getting way up in her personal space. Learn to be intimate without being sexual. The important thing is to be able to do with without losing control over your emotions. Embarrassment and insecurity are two emotions you feel when you're with a woman. You can get over that with practice.

Any recommendations from anyone else?

LP2021 Bank of LP Work in Progress said...

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http://thelp72980.wordpress.com/2011/03/08/alpha-game-the-bitter-discovery/

Anonymous said...

Oh shut it Nate.

Anonymous said...

Battlefrog -

Not to ignore the above advice, but I'd add something to it: make sure that you know your mission in life, and strike towards it every day. Your mission should be what is on your mind when you do talk to others, and don't sweat "location-based" friendships only. That doesn't make you a loner, just someone who appreciates the utility of friendships.

Reconnect with an old (male) friend (or two or three), and slowly convert him from a memorial "location-based" friendship to a current one.

Anyway, the big thing is your mission. Have that solid, first and foremost in your mind. If your head is filled with everything you don't have, that space is occupied with nothing. The only way to reduce that space is to focus on gains and losses in your mission/vision-quest.

jay c said...

Ditto what anonymous just said about knowing your mission. Once you know who you are and where you are going, you'll know what to do with a woman who's willing to tag along.

RM said...

@Tigger: Yes it was a complete loss of faith. I see it now as necessary because it forced me to look at myself. Without any thing to live for you start looking hard.

@Difster: The most significant thing was getting therapy. For some omegas having someone, ANYONE to talk to is a step up. With that said I would not recommend just any therapy. Avoid female and gay therapist like the plague. Talk therapists are not much help either. Most of the time you will just talk yourself in a circle with no resolution and end up $100 poorer. My success began with a hypnotherapist who was notable in that he would not let me avoid myself. He called me out on ever lie I was telling myself and made me face the truth. I hated him at times but in the end his help to face my fears and insecurity got me out of my pit. If I recall correctly there was a story about a hugely obese man circulating the internet who hired a personal trainer and eventually lost something like 300 pounds. Most importantly is that this man knew he was a loser and resolved to do something about it and found someone who would be hard on him. My advice would be to omegas would be to find a friend who can be kind but at the same time not allow backsliding.

Difster said...

I also agree with finding a male friend. Never underestimate the importance of male bonding.

Anonymous said...

It is hard enough for deltas, gammas and omegas in a roughly monogamous society, in a polygamous society it is far, far worse.

Smesko said...

So, can you give some example of personality adjustments you made?

I am aware of the typical advice to treat the woman you want to attract with disrespect. Is that what you did? What was your issue before you made the changes?

Josh said...

@Difster,

Additional advice I would give to omegas would be to spend some time out of the house hanging out with people.

Before they can get "Bang Hot Chicks Game," they need to get some "Go Outside and Meet People Game."

Nate said...

"Oh shit it Nate"

And in true omega fashion... you must assume everything someone says is a slight.

its not dude. Its just a reaction... like "man this a tragic story and I don't know what else to say."

But... being an omega... you assume it was, "Wow... what a retard."

Look... its true... my life is good.. and always has been. That doesn't mean I have no sympathy for those less fortunate. If I didn't... I would point and laugh instead I try to help.

Desert Cat said...

Additional advice I would give to omegas would be to spend some time out of the house hanging out with people.

Before they can get "Bang Hot Chicks Game," they need to get some "Go Outside and Meet People Game."


I second this. Roissy had a post about this a while back, where he described an exercise of a typical day walking around town doing various shopping and chores, and all the opportunities there really are to interact, however briefly with women.

Basically it boils down to, "say anything at all, even just 'hey there' to every woman you come across. If you do this consistently, no matter the reactions or lack thereof, it becomes natural and not petrifying to say something to someone you might actually want to get to know better.

Being married for 24 years I have not been in the habit of this, but since we're talking about Game in earnest now, I'm making a point of it now and then. Just yesterday I was in Subway getting a sandwich for lunch and noticed my "sandwich artist" had some interesting earrings--basically 1/2 inch cylinders through her earlobes. Taking that small detail as a starting point, I said to her "those are interesting earrings--I can't say I've ever seen that before." A couple more words back and forth and I left her with a little smile on her face that this dapper gentleman would have noticed and commented on her style.

Try it. It won't kill you. I promise. Just...don't geek out when you do. Casual, nonchalant, conversation starting stuff, reminding yourself you're going nowhere with it, if that helps to take the heat off.

Eventually it will be no big deal when the Girl Of Your Dreams* walks into your sights.


*no such thing, by the way. Remind yourself of that too.

JCclimber said...

I have more sympathy for this position than the gamma post. That one was just clueless. At least this guy finally saw the light.

My father never taught me any of game. I had to unlearn much of my upbringing myself, mostly about how to treat women and such.

But I didn't really discover the benefits of game type behavior until I regained the self-confidence of my young child years.

TobyTemple said...

good for you RM.

I hope other omegas other there learn from your story.

Anonymous said...

My story is similar to several points in this post.

http://josephsblog.typepad.com/shorts/2011/03/my-story-of-painful-personal-failure-and-personal-transformation-churchian-gamma-to-game-omega-to-ga.html

Keoni Galt said...

If the success stories on Roissy, Athol Kay, and the Hawaiian Libertarian are to be believed, Game has saved numerous marriages and gotten thousands of men the sex they have always wanted.

I must say something here...I have come to a realization: Game did not save my marriage. It saved ME from myself. It saved me from falling into the template of the very unhappy marriage that my parents are miserable in, even to this very day.

I must admit...I'm struggling with the concept of Vox's hierarchy, because there aspects to these categories that are innate...and others that arise from social conditioning situations.

In looking at my own situation, I see some Alpha, Delta, Sigma and Beta traits, but I don't think I could feasibly designate myself as any one of those with certainty.

I will say though, that I was raised in a household in which my Mother wore the pants, my Father had her (as well as the entire female gender) on a Pedestal, and her contempt for him because he ran so afoul of her hypergamous instinct was palpable for my entire life.

My rebellion from an unhappy household had me on the edge of suicide, which gave me a crazy, alpha/sigma vibe and attitude as a teenager and young adult...and I didn't have problems attracting or dating girls in my peer groups in high school or college.

However, once I got married at age 25, I "domesticated" and fell into the same pattern as my Parents.

It didn't help that I fell for the mainstream cultural influence of "equality" and "getting in touch with my feminine side" and all the other emasculating programming of our mass media society.

But I certainly changed from the guy my wife fell in love with.

Discovering "GAME" on the internet was a much needed bucket of cold water on the emasculated, whining, lying, squirming, fearful chump I had become. I was afraid of my wife's emotional state. I was always begging for sex, and always asking her if there was anything I could do to make her happy. I would beg her to not get angry with me. The revelation and insights I gained from Game make me shudder to this very day when I reminisce on just how pathetic and un-masculine I had become.

Just discovering the concept of a "shit test" and what it meant and why she does it, and how to recognize it, was life altering.

What I learned from studying "Game" on the internet, made me realize that I had been living my life trying not to upset my wife or to try and avoid her disapproval, thereby virtually guaranteeing her upset and disapproval of the sack-less, emasculated wimp I had become.

It helped me to see clearly that gender roles based on our different mating strategies are very real, and that blurring the distinctions between masculinity and femininity because the influence of culture seeks to normalize this confusion, leads to unhappiness from both a husband and a wife in a marriage.

But Game has done much more than improve my marriage.

It has also given me a new level of awareness of social dynamics. I literally can walk into a room full of people and read people simply by their body language, posture, mannerisms and demeanor.

I used to be utterly clueless to this sort of thing.

If you study Game, you should realize that it's underlying philosophy has far more implications to your social life than just your interest in pursuing females for mating opportunities.

Shimshon said...

I knew an Omega in college. He creeped everyone in our group out (don't ask how he came to be part of that group), especially the girls. He was desperate for female companionship but everything he did backfired. He was pretty talentless, but that didn't stop him from wince-inducing attempts at poetry and art.

Anonymous said...

RM, dude, thank you for this.

I realise that according to your classification I'm most like the angry Omega. It's a little unsettling.

Discovering Game has made sense of a lot of the rage I accumulated over the years. I started out bad - epilepsy medication starting at age 6 gave me a vile temper in my formative years. Being undersized and relatively smart only added to the attitude I developed.

Once off the meds in my mid-teens, I'd already had all the fight beaten out of me by my peer group. I've spent decades trying to work out what's wrong with me. While therapy has been a huge help, Game is proving the clincher. I second, with gusto, the comment that Game helps in a lot of other aspects of life, not just women.

Anonymous said...

Keoni, if in doubt, you're a delta.

Duke of Earl said...

It's rather disconcerting when you read someone's story and it gels so completely with your own experience.

Ironically I'm not too bad within a relationship, at least once I determined that it was better to be alone than lose my self respect, but it was finding said relationship that was the problem.

John said...

@RM - Thanks for being so forthright. Your words will have a major of impact on many readers, especially those struggling with out of the mainstream peer-groups like FLDS.

@Keoni - Always found your insights to be helpful. I'm engaged to be married and 24 years old. Your original email to Roissy helped to put things into perspective a great deal.

Anonymous said...

Actually, "just be yourself" is the best advice you could give an indifferent omega. They can't or won't change. That's the bottom line. Really unattractive guys who cannot be attracted to the warpigs in their league really do need to give up. Trying to change just leads to more distress.

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