The evil that men do

The 11th Commandment, according to Churchianity: Thou shalt not spend thy free time with thy friends, playing games, or in any other activity displeasing to thy wife:

I know a young man who married in the last five years. He loves his new wife very much, and they’re having fun setting up their rental house, putting some money away, and desperately trying to finish their education part-time.

They did everything right: they dated for a while, they waited until they were married to make love, they got to know each others’ families. They’re not rushing into parenthood until they have a house and their education completed. But they’re on track to have that well before they’re 30.

There’s just one problem: whenever she’s at work, and he’s not, he heads over to his old house that he shared with a bunch of friends and plays video games. In fact, sometimes when she is home he still heads over there. He’s at work when he’s supposed to be at work. He’s at church when he’s supposed to be at church. He’s at school when he’s supposed to be at school. But much of his free time is spent playing these games, often at a buddy’s house. And his new wife is sick of it.

Men have to understand that women have a natural instinct to control others.  It is part of their maternal instinct.  But although it is natural, it is not appropriately applied to the head of the household; giving into that instinct may be easier, but will inevitably lead to unhappiness on the part of both parties.

The irony, of course, is that this woman likely spends more time staring at the television set than her husband does playing games. 

"Females across all age categories watched more TV than males, with the 50+ demographic leading at more than 215 hours per month."

Note that this guy would have to spend 7 hours and ten minutes playing games every single day just to reach the average amount of time being spent by the older women who make up the majority of the modern American church.  Have you ever heard a Christian leader decry the amount of time women spend watching television?

Now, obviously some men do spend too much time playing games.  If you're not taking care of your responsibilities, then you need to readjust your priorities.  It happens to everyone from time to time, so if that's the case, make the adjustment.  But never accept any attempt from anyone to dictate how you spend your free time; a woman has no more right to demand that you spend the evening in front of the television with her than you have to insist that she play four hours of coop Battlefield 3 with you.

This leads me to a thought that women might do well to keep in mind: the fact that a man is not bitching about an activity and is perhaps even enjoying it does not mean that it is something that he actually wants to do.  Just appreciate the fact that he's willing to participate in your interests, don't try to weasel out by pretending that it's his interest too if he never does it when you're not around.

The sluts in spite of themselves

Apparently the French and German governments have concluded that their female citizens are too helplessly slutty to face the mere possibility that they may be having children with men who are not their husbands:

If those samples were found in the post by officials on their way to foreign laboratories, the French men who sent them could theoretically face a year in prison and a 15,000 Euro fine. This year the ban was challenged but the French Government decided to uphold and maintain the anti-paternity testing law.

The reasons for which the Government said the ban should remain were related to the preservation of peace within French families. According to some online articles, Germany, has also banned (or plans to ban) paternity testing for similar reasons.

The argument against allowing paternity testing in France is directly opposed to the argument for allowing it almost everywhere else. While French Authorities believe that paternity testing can cause friction within families, some fathers find that getting rid of any doubt relating to their relationship with their child can help strengthen the bond they have with them, instead. 

As one woman mentioned on Twitter, the French argument completely misses the point.  If the child doesn't belong to the father, there is no family in the first place!  Notice the pattern: evil is always opposed to the truth and inevitably seeks to hide its actions from everyone.

Worth more than a thousand words

Sometimes, you have to see something to believe it.  And yet, words can be illustrative too:

In three days, starting from my initial pledge to commit up to $1,000 to these organizations (if certain conditions were met), over $50,000 has been pledged by folks who wanted to stand with me. I’m deeply honored and humbled by this, both by the show of support for me, and rather more importantly, by the show of support for organizations focused on women, GLBT, people of color and those sexually abused. Thanks, folks.

As a way to show my appreciation, I commissioned a piece of art.

Now, as some background, out there in the stupider parts of the Internet, there are dudes who think of themselves as “alpha males.” My experience with these fellows is that they tend to be ignorant, status-anxious and undersocialized; they tend to mask their various panic attacks about race, gender and sexuality by maintaining those panic attacks are in fact a sign of their superiority. They disdain those who are comfortable with a world in which diversity is respected and encouraged — especially those who are men — and call them “beta” or “gamma” males and/or describe them as “rabbits” or some other species which they presume to be frightened or prey.

With that in mind, for those of us who are comfortable with diversity, who try not to be racist, or sexist, or homophobic, who don’t see the world as an apocalyptic zero-sum battle to the death between ourselves and whomever we try to hide our confused fear of by considering them as lesser beings, who aren’t in fact appallingly ignorant bigoted shitballs every single waking hour of the day, may I present to you an avatar — an icon, if you will, of who we are and how we choose to live our lives:

Yes, Gamma Rabbit, who likes people as they are, fears no one no matter how they live their lives, and who is comfortable with himself and his own personal values of kindness, tolerance and diversity. Sure, there are some who look down on him and his ways, but you know what? Gamma Rabbit knows that those people are kooky, silly, wacky racist sexist homophobic dipshits, and aside from looking forward to the day when they might pull their heads out and join the rest of the human race, lets them alone to do their own thing. Because Gamma Rabbit has other, better people and things to think about.

So to everyone who pledged so far, and to those who might pledge in the future: Here, have a Gamma Rabbit. My gift to you, with thanks.

Again, from the Alpha Game perspective, I'm less interested in the details of this particular gamma performance than what we can learn from observing it.  Note the following things:

1. It's all about the gamma and his need for emotional sustenance.  "I’m deeply honored... by the show of support for me".  Rabbit People are drawn from all levels of the socio-sexual hierarchy, but the gamma-rabbit correlation is the strongest one.
2. Reality reconstruction.  The gamma's description of the "alpha male" is not only obviously false, but is also completely dishonest.  His experience with alphas was almost certainly nothing of the kind.
3. Psychological projection.  Does "ignorant, status-anxious and undersocialized" better describe men who are socially and sexually dominant or men who behave in the observed manner?
4. Self-deceit.  It took all of three days for the gamma to find an excuse to go back on his word and make reference to that which he had declared he would not refer to again until the end of the year.  His feeble pretense that this response is somehow addressed towards all alpha males rather than a specific individual isn't going to convince anyone any more than his previous pretense to be enjoying the adorable attention was.
5. Avoidance of direct confrontation.  The gamma has been challenged, by a third party, to engage in a debate in which he would have the opportunity to defend his beliefs.  Instead of simply agreeing to the challenge, the gamma prefers to seek emotional support and engage in literally cartoonish antics.
6. Total inability to understand the thinking of the socio-sexually dominant.  Note that the terms "rage" and "anger" keep surfacing in the comments, which is bizarre when it should be eminently clear that the primary response to the gamma antics have been "incredulity" and "laughter".

Now to return to the particular.  As I mentioned on Vox Popoli, I fully endorse Mr. Scalzi's embrace of the Gamma Rabbit icon, and indeed, I have pledged ONE DOLLAR towards allowing him to demonstrate his commitment to equality and diversity by funding the cost of providing him with a full-color Gamma Rabbit tattoo.

Alpha Mail: an astute observation

Lamarck notes an informative tell:

 "Remember, we usually give away our values in the process of attacking others. " ~ VD

“Today I will offend racist sexist homophobic dipshits simply by EXISTING" ~ John Scalzi

It's the mere existence of different people that is offensive to the rabbits that's how they rationalize that you must "hate" anyone who is different from you. 

This is why you can never reach a reasonable accommodation with Rabbit People.  It is why you should never even try.  Your very existence offends them.  The only way to stop offending them is to become one of them; even if you abide by their myriad rules and regulations, they will continue to eye you askance, always suspicious that you may, at any moment, reveal yourself to be "not-rabbit".

At which point, they will attack mercilessly and mindlessly en masse.  Many a good little rabbit has been destroyed by his fellows in this manner; one of the more amusing things to watch is the frantic squeals of a rabbit who has somehow inadvertently offended the warren, desperately insisting that it is all a mistake and he is truly one of them even as they are tearing him to bits.

The gamma's gambit

I've mentioned before that the gamma doesn't understand what is going on around him or the consequences of his actions.  That's precisely what we see in John "I'm a Rapist" Scalzi's response to the adorable and supposedly enjoyable attention being paid to him:

Here’s what I’m going to do: From now until the end of 2013 (and backdating to January 1st) when the Racist Sexist Homophobic Dipshit in question posts an entry on his site in which he uses my name (or one of his adorable nicknames for me), I’m going to put $5 into a pot. At the end of the year, I’m going to tally it up. All the money, up to $1,000, will be donated equally to the following organizations:

*RAINN

*Emily’s List

*Human Rights Campaign

*NAACP

Now, what this means is that, since I don’t want to have to read the Racist Sexist Homophobic Dipshit’s site, I’ll need someone to  monitor the dude’s site, and keep a spreadsheet for me. So I’m calling for volunteers. I will compensate you with signed first editions of The Human Division and The Mallet of Loving Correction when they come out, plus I’ll donate $250 in your name to go into the pot (on top of the up to $1,000 I will donate) to be disbursed to the organizations above. Email me with your interest.

As noted above, I’m backdating this to the first of the year, so the Racist Sexist Homophobic Dipshit in question has already caused money to go to each of these organizations. Well done him! I am sure he’s delighted to be helping to advance the causes of equality for women, gays and people of color, as well as funding an organization dedicated to helping those victimized by sexual assault. And each time he posts an entry that invokes me, one way or another, that’s another fiver into the pot. That’s 200 opportunities this year for him to prompt a contribution! I hope he takes advantage of all of them.

Now, I'm quite happy to help the poor gay little black girls to the contents of Mr. Scalzi's wallet and thereby do my own little bit for charity.  I certainly wouldn't want them to lose out on ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS by failing to play my part.  But that's of little import, what is much more interesting is the way that this latest gambit further illustrates what I've been saying about how the gamma handles conflict.

First, note that he refers to the situation as a "problem".  This is directly contrary to the stance he has publicly been taking until now, which was the unconvincing pretense that he was enjoying the conflict.  This is good, in that it shows he knows he cannot credibly continue to hide behind a facade of feigned pleasure, unfortunately, he still isn't willing to admit the extent to which his pride and his sensitivities have been wounded, much less how he is in over his head.  He hasn't been able to fully take the first step, but his foot is in motion and that is a nominally positive development.

Second, he has finally begun to grasp that he is powerless and that his actions mean nothing to me.  "Whether I ignore him or not doesn’t matter, so fine. I might as well get something productive out of it."  This, too, is indicative of a degree of progress in escaping his self-constructed alternate reality.  Remember, the opinion of others matters greatly to the gamma.  They find it hard, very hard, to imagine that the same is not necessarily true of those higher in the hierarchy.  John might still think I'm crazy to be so indifferent to the opinion of a whole hopping host of rabbits, but crazy or not, he is finally beginning to understand that this is, in fact, the case.

Third, he is still clinging to some illusions.  As NateM said: "He REALLY doesn't get you..."  The gamma never understands the ALPHA.  John has begun to grasp that his actions mean nothing to me, but he hasn't fully accepted that they truly mean nothing to me.  He can donate all of the royalties he received from his books in 2012 to those four charities or go off and fight for the Taliban in Afghanistan; it makes absolutely no difference to me.

Fourth, he's still not being entirely honest.  Does anyone believe that he truly hopes I take advantage of all 200 of them?  Does anyone believe this will be the last time we see any reference, however veiled, to the adorable RSHD?

Fifth, he's also still fighting in that inimitable passive-aggressive gamma style.  This is the appeal to the crowd.  "Look what a good person I am!  Isn't it terrible that he keeps hitting me?  Won't you please take my side?"  The rush of his fellow rabbits to affirm his goodness and what they mistakenly see as the brilliance of his gambit obscures, for the moment, that all he has managed to do is insure that they are out a collective $30,000$40,000 in 2013.  Remember, the gamma is reliably self-defeating.  Come on, rabbits, do I hear 50?  Hop to it!

Lest you be confused as to the real purpose, consider the following comment, which explains why the rabbits think their Chief Rabbit's latest hop is a brilliant one: "Yeah, that’s kinda the whole point of this subversive little enterprise. It works like the bumper stickers that announce plans to eat two animals for ever one animal veggies don’t. It gives the RSHD the power to stop tens of thousands of dollars in donations to causes to which he objects, and all he has to do is show restraint. If he doesn’t, it demonstrates that he cares more about blowing hot air than about his supposed principles."

It's all about the appeal to the audience with rabbits.  It always is.

Sixth, those who have suggested that I respond in some similar manner have demonstrated their own inability to understand the socio-sexual dynamics here.  Why would I respond to something so ludicrously irrelevant?  Does anyone really believe that a $10 million donation to the NRA would bother Mr. "I am a rapist" one-ten millionth as much the knowledge that he has been quoted, again, by me and others around the Internet?  The ALPHA response to someone saying "go ahead, punch me again, I dare you" is to call the bluff and punch him again.

Seventh, I have absolutely no doubt that wallowing in the warmth and welcome reassurance of the warren is much more fun for the gamma than the Super Bowl. 

Eighth, lest you have any doubt whatsoever of my identification of the Chief Rabbit as a gamma, consider this comment: "It seems to me that John’s new approach is a really astute response to this particular instance of bullying because it changes the frame. Ignoring the bully gives him free rein and has caused him to escalate. Trying to argue or justify yourself in the face of deliberate malice is obviously counter-productive. But raising money off the bully’s comments changes the game entirely."

That's right.  I'm not a critic.  It's not a serious matter of genuine ideological disagreement.  It's just simple bullying... which is an interesting admission of the perceived power dynamic here.

And finally, there is this: "And if this idea of yours of turning the RSHD’s insane vendetta into support for causes he hates doesn’t make his head explode, I don’t know what will!"

This reminds me of the Far Side cartoon.  Same planet, different worlds.  Suffice it to say, my head is not exploding.  It is merely shaking slowly, from side to side, in awe, at the comedy that is Man.

By the time this ends, presumably sometime around the year 2021, I expect the rabbits will be offering money directly to me as tribute.  Isn't it remarkable the lengths to which a gamma will go in his desperation to avoid the risk of being beaten in a fair fight in front of everyone?

Alpha Mail: conflict and the gamma

Blogreader asks how a gamma can surmount his natural inclinations for handling conflict:

If Scalzi wanted to "grow" as a Man and develop out of Gamma - how should he be reacting to this situation instead? What would show you that he is "confronting reality" and thereby earn your respect? 

Gammas find direct conflict particularly difficult because they don't customarily engage in it.  They habitually engage in female-style indirect conflict, where rhetoric is the battlefield and the sly passive-aggressive shot taken with plausible deniability is the weapon of choice.  This leaves them confused and bewildered when they run up against higher-ranking men, most of whom are highly competitive, accustomed to both winning and losing in direct conflict, and are uninterested in being seen as "the good guy".  This is why gammas tend to fear and hate alphas; they know their indirect weapons are totally ineffectual against them on an individual basis.  It is also why they attempt to reframe the conflict into something that it is not and to strike poses that are manifestly absurd.

For example, Scalzi has been claiming that he finds my "mancrush" to be "adorable", claims to find calling me an RSHD "fun", and professes to be enjoying the whole affair.  And yet, not only is he failing to convince me or my readers of this, he is completely failing to convince his own readers as well.  One of his readers wrote in response to someone who told Scalzi, in his opinion, he was coming off the worse in the various exchanges:

"I realize you think you’re doing JS a “service” by trying to get him to stop calling out RHSD. The problem is that RHSD or his lackeys keep coming here. I’m willing to bet all (checks his pockets real quick…) $22.35 I have in my pocket that JS would like nothing more than for RHSD to stop coming here. If that were to happen, this wouldn’t be happening. When someone keeps coming to your house and crapping on the front porch, just ignoring it doesn’t help."

That isn't true, of course, because I haven't commented there once since August.  I'm not encouraging anyone to comment at his site.  I'm not commenting there myself.  I'm not offended at his existence.  I'm not laughing at the comments people post there; I don't read most of the posts, let alone the comments, at Whatever.  I didn't backtrack on any claims.  Now, why would he like nothing more than for something nonexistent to stop happening, particularly when he claims to be enjoying the shenanigans?

At this point, a pattern should be readily apparent.  Very little the gamma says about the conflict is reliable, either about himself or those with whom he is in conflict.  And the worst part is that over time, the gamma often manages to convince himself that it is, at least in part, the correct interpretation of events.

This is the gamma reality reconstruction instinct at work.  Fighting it and seeing the situation for what it is has to be the first step, everything else depends upon this.  If John is genuinely amused by being known as McRapey, that's great.  If he isn't, he needs to admit it.  If he's only concerned with the purity of his comment threads, that's fine, but if he's actually concerned, as some of the SFWA members are, about the discussions taking place elsewhere, then he shouldn't be pretending that comment trolls are the full extent of his concern.

To the gamma, admitting the truth is seen as a weakness, when actually it is a strength.  So, that's the first step, acceptance.

The second step is submission.  Alphas fight until someone submits.  If someone isn't willing to submit, an alpha will often quite literally kill them rather than stop.  This is why you'll hear a man's friends telling the man who is losing a fight to "stay down".  Staying down is submitting to the superiority of the other.  Breaking eye contact is submitting to the superiority of the other.  Tapping out is submitting to the superiority of the other.

The gamma tactic of plausible deniability doesn't work with alphas.  He takes his surreptitious shot, pretends not to be involved, and then is genuinely surprised when the first punch is followed by a second and a third.  Instead of submitting, he protests his innocence, appeals to the crowd, feigns indifference, scratches, bites, kicks, and basically does everything except the one thing he has to do to make the beating stop.

Scalzi isn't completely stupid.  He knows he can't win.  I'm more intelligent, better educated, more experienced in both dialectic and rhetoric, and more socio-sexually dominant than he is.   But because he has the option of avoiding the direct confrontation involved in a physical fight or a public debate, he thinks he can at least avoid losing.  He's basically playing a version of rope-a-dope, hoping that I'll get bored or the onlookers will lose interest, so that he can maintain his reconstructed reality.  He's not necessarily wrong, (gambling on my boredom is always a live bet), although given how more and more people are finding it interesting and getting involved, the tactic would appear to have failed him.

But if he wants the beatings to end, he has to submit.  What that may involve, I don't know.  I haven't given the matter any thought because, contrary to common assumption, gammas tend to be very nearly as proud as alphas, perhaps even more proud in some ways.  And anyway, submission can't even begin to take place so long as the gamma remains in his own private reality.

The third step is the symbolic salute.  It's the handshake at the end of the game, the hug at the end of the boxing match.  Alphas tend to respect those who fight hard, who fight fair, and who fight to win.  They don't see any shame in being defeated by a superior, so long as the effort was there.  And more than anything, they admire courage.  I felt real love for my fellow Dragons, not because I necessarily liked their personalities or had anything in common with some of them, but because I saw the courage in their souls.  I saw how they pushed themselves up from the ground every time they were knocked down, I saw how they kept fighting when they were in tears from pain, I saw how they met broken bones and bloody beatings alike with a smile.  I wasn't driven to become an excellent fighter because I wanted to be a badass or show off for the girls, I simply wanted to be worthy of being one of them.  I was never the best.  I was never even one of the ten best.  But I earned my place in their number.

There is a moment when a man knows he has earned respect.  It is the casual nod, the hand unexpectedly proffered, the look of approval in the narrowed eyes.  This experience is foreign to the gamma because he has never tested himself, which is to say that he has never permitted himself to be tested by others.  He has to declare himself the winner because no one else will, and he cannot submit because he fears the unknown quantity of honest defeat.  He not only lacks the courage to fight, he lacks the courage to risk failure.  This, more than anything, is why the alpha finds the gamma contemptible and despises him in a way he does not despise the men who freely submit to him.

The symbolic salute is the third step, but it is far from the final one, because respect ultimately comes from the repetition of these steps, over and over again, until one is deemed to merit it.

I once estimated that I was knocked down approximately 200 times before I managed to knock anyone else down.  But after two years of training six days per week at the dojo, the senior sensei bestowed a nickname upon me.  Not long after that, the most dangerous fighter, a hard-living 220-pound janitor who had nothing but scorn for the college graduate with the Porsche and barely said a word to me the entire first year, invited me out for a drink with him and his friends.  Respect seldom comes quickly.  You have to earn it.  And often, to earn it, you not only have to get your ass kicked for a long time, you have to accept that in the absence of superlative skill, pain is the price you pay for it.

Observing the gamma in the wild

Whether we find them amusing or aggravating, the vagaries of human socio-sexual behavior are always fascinating.  The patterns that Roissy, Athol, Dalrock, Rollo, and others have identified continue to reveal themselves again and again in a fractal manner; we see the same patterns repeating themselves on both the micro and macro levels.

One of the key weaknesses of the gamma is an inability to maintain frame.  He is customarily reacting to the frame set by others.  Roissy places particular importance on this in the pickup and text Game arenas, but as you'll see in a moment here, it applies everywhere.

Now, here is John Scalzi's initial response to discovering that a new verb has been coined in what I suppose we could call his "honor" by the Dark Lord of the Crimson Arts.

I would certainly agree that I don’t conform to their expectations of manhood. This is of course a feature, not a bug. As I wrote yesterday on Twitter, “Today I will offend racist sexist homophobic dipshits simply by EXISTING. Evidence of a life lived correctly, I would say.”

This is a calm and reasonable response, superficially a masculine one.  But look a little closer and three of the major hallmarks of the sniveling gamma can be identified, the departure from objective reality, the passive-aggression, and the self-justification.  The problem, of course, isn't that he doesn't conform to our expectations of manhood; he is actually conforming quite closely to our expectations of his behavior given his socio-sexual rank.  The problem is that he is ineptly attempting to reframe by making a clearly false claim.  It should be manifestly obvious that Roissy and I, among many others, are not offended by his mere existence, but rather, we are AMUSED by his BEHAVIOR.  As I wrote today on Twitter, pointing and laughing is not an indication of taking offense, it is an indication of contempt.

Notice that whereas the ALPHA points (links and identifies) and laughs (is genuinely amused), the gamma avoids (refuses to link, refuses to even name), and alternates between feigned laughter, feigned indifference, and genuine anger.  Confrontation and contempt are alpha.  Evasion and sniping from safety are gamma.

Given that the gamma male in question is a chubby little nerdman, this is unlikely the first time that he has experienced contempt from his sociosexual superiors.  And given that he is more intelligent than the average, it is even more unlikely that he does not recognize that contempt when it is directed at him.  But instead of admitting it and confronting it in a straightforward manner, as alphas, betas, and deltas would do, the gamma attempts to create his own reality and transforms the situation into an imaginary one in which he is secretly the master.

The astute reader will notice this is exactly what gammas do when they are confronted by the unhappy news that the saintly girl on the pedestal they adore from below is happily playing slutbunny for those dreadful alphas whom he believes are unworthy of her. 

But false frames are difficult to maintain, particularly for gammas because they are less emotionally stable than other men.  This is why Scalzi lurches wildly back-and-forth between calmly attempting to pretend that he is genuinely amused and enjoying the attention to remaining above the fray to implying threats and plotting with his fellow rabbits to try to figure out how to make it stop.  It is particularly informative to count the number of times he refers to some form of insecurity in his most recent post; like women, gammas tend to be solipsistic and habitually project their own psychological tendencies upon others.  Even if we accept the absurd notion that two manifestly self-confident individuals such as Roissy and me possess "deep and abiding insecurities", is it even remotely credible that all of the thousands of our readers who are simply enjoying the entertainment are "equally insecure"?  He is attacking the readers for the same reason the bullied kid at school thinks everyone hates him, when most of the other kids don't know his name and couldn't care less about him.

The funniest part, in my estimation, was this phrase: "The pathology of it is pretty standard elementary-school taunting dynamic...."  Which is partially true, as while there is nothing pathological about it, the rhetorical dynamic is no different at the elementary-school level than the adult one.  But since he recognizes the dynamic, he should have been able to recognize the parts being played by the various players.  It would not surprise me in the slightest if his response tends to echo the advice given to him by his mother some 30+ years ago.

Don't cry, Johnny.  They're only being mean to you because they're jealous of how smart you are.  They're just insecure!

It can't possibly be because they are cruel and predatory, and you made the mistake of asking for it, can it? Gammas aren't well-suited for conflict with alphas, (much less sigmas), because their instability, reality-avoidance, and passive-aggressiveness, and need to justify themselves renders it all but impossible for them to understand the alpha game of direct challenge-and-submit.  Gammas usually have enough sense to avoid challenging their socio-sexual superiors and stay out of their way, but because John a) doesn't understand socio-sexual dynamics, and b) overestimated the importance of his status in his field, he badly misjudged the situation and thereby has ensured us a considerable amount of entertainment and socio-sexual education in the future.

But understand that it's not the particular gamma who matters in the context of Alpha Game.  That's completely beside the point.  What matters is the way in which the behavior observed is reliably indicative of the rank in the social hierarchy.  How do you behave when you are confronted?  How do you behave when you find yourself in a conflict of your own making?  How do you behave when you find yourself in a conflict with a woman versus one with another man?

The more you learn to confront reality, address it head on, and refuse to flinch simply because it is difficult, painful, or unpleasant, the more others will come to respect you, take you seriously, and even submit to you.  It's not always an easy thing to do; people retreat into their imaginary subjective realities in preference to it for a reason.  But you simply cannot control yourself or your environment by denying who you are, where in the hierarchy you happen to be, and what you find yourself facing.


UPDATE: Speaking of the reality-avoidance, what on Earth is Scalzi babbling about here?  I have never backtracked in the slightest; quite to the contrary, I have repeatedly insisted that his claims of satire must be false due to his uncanny ability to get into the mind of a rapist.  Credulous unsophisticate?  I'm the only one who appears to see through his blown cover as cover!  Between the cross-dressing, the rape confession, the Photoshop narcissism and the obsession with fecal matter, he's one step away from being Buffalo Bill.