I have a particularly self destructive belief. I found its effect on me as a result of forcing myself to approach women. I would begin an approach and find that I was acting as if I had already been rejected. I was assuming that the interaction would end with them rejecting me. It was as though failure was built into my frame. My belief was that no woman would ever want me. In other words game was futile. I could do everything right and still always fail. This was, of course, irrational (and somewhat melodramatic) , but it was a belief I had to deal with. I could not reason my way out of it, I could not ignore it, and I could not turn it off (at least not directly). Not really having anything to lose, I listened to it. This does not mean that I accepted that the belief was true, it means that I became completely aware of it. It was like studying a disease and knowing it intimately so that I could avoid it in the future or create an antidote. I have many self-limiting beliefs like this. To cure myself of them I had to become fully aware of the problem. In a sense I had to know these beliefs as intimately as I know game so that I could learn to avoid them. Since denying a weakness is a waste of time I made a habit of examining these beliefs and I have learned some very important things.
First: Beliefs come from somewhere, they do not just appear fully formed in your mind. They have a reason for being there and finding that reason is very important for correcting them. For example, I recently discovered that I have a problem maintaining boundaries with people. This resulted in allowing people to walk all over me or me walking all over them if the opportunity presented itself. I was able to correct this once I realized that my parents have the same problem. Now that I am aware of this I insist on boundaries with my parents and for that matter, everyone. Without those boundaries I cannot protect myself. Boundaries are necessary to confident and if I let them down with the people closest to me I lose that confidence.
Second: Critics are frequently a source of poor advice. They will tell you their beliefs regardless of whether those beliefs will help you achieve you goals. Ignore them. Instead look for people who have done what you are trying to do and look for their advice. Adopt their frame. If they are successful there is a reason. Game is a perfect example. Every man who is successful with women seems to use at least a portion the ideas in game. Limit who you listen to, and do not let other's self-doubt become your self-doubt.
Third: Find the source of your faulty frame and avoid it. You may have learned your beliefs from parents, friends, the media, or society. Wherever they came from separate yourself from that source, whether mentally or physically. For me I am seriously considering Roissy’s advice: “If [everything else] fails, consider physically moving away from [them] . . . Friends, family, everyone. Gather your savings, quit your job, and move to a new city or even a new country.
Fourth: Write you beliefs about yourself down, both good and bad. As you grow and learn new beliefs, being able to return to the changes you have made will reinforce those changes.
It has taken me awhile to get past the majority of my self limiting beliefs. There are many left to uncover, but I am at a place where game can work for me. While I seriously doubt that this is going to get much easier, if I want to be happy do I have any choice but to keep working at it?
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Straight Talk On the Rooftop Sex Controversy
For those who may have missed it, the fine, young gentlemen of Kappa Sigma of USC are in the news again. This time, a member got busted for rooftop sex. It turns out this was happening during a philanthropy event in the quad below, and hundreds witnessed it. Of course, that was undoubtedly planned - the two wouldn't have been right at the edge if they weren't getting off on the exhibitionism. The photos were taken by a kid in the dorm across the quad, and it was the fear for the couple's safety as they approached the edge of the roof that reportedly inspired another kid to call 911.
Most of the commentary on this event has been predictable and boring, but last night Tucker Max went on the Joy Behar show and weighed in. It was a very interesting discussion. My thoughts and the video can be found here.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
It's a Small, Hypergamous World
It's been less than two years since I was first introduced to the concept of female hypergamy - the desire for a woman to be with a mate of the highest possible status. This desire will drive women to "trade up" when given the opportunity. For that reason, it profits men to maintain as high a level of status as possible. Though prestige and affluence clearly play a role, women often prioritize a man's level of social dominance as the most telling predictor of mate fitness.
For obvious reasons, this "instinct" often malfunctions in contemporary terms. The thug who may provide strong physical genes that will enable your offspring to survive infancy is also an unpleasant individual, lacking partnership skills. Yet the thug, and the many variations on that "bad boy," will often attract more women than stable, attractive, productive men without the dangerous edge.
The Sexual Revolution, ushered in by the Pill and the Women's Movement, unleashed female sexuality in an unprecedented way. The result has been a hypergamous free-for-all, with women demanding increasingly long checklists of features from men as qualifications for dating. No one wants to "settle," so we've created a sociosexual environment where a brilliant and attractive professional may go without a date if he isn't the male that all other males turn to for guidance on what's cool. Never mind that he's doing brilliant research - it will count for less than the ability to walk off a rugby field battered and bloody but still smiling.
I believe that this sorry state of affairs is worst in the U.S., since feminism is more entrenched here than anywhere else, and most contemporary cultural trends (including hookup culture), originate here. This weekend, though, I encountered thought-provoking examples demonstrating that hypergamy is thriving around the world.
My husband and I watched the film Leaving (Partir) starring Kristin Scott Thomas, who seems to have made something of a career of acting bilingually in French films. She plays a wife and mother living a gracious and comfortable life. Her husband, a successful doctor, is guilty of having fallen into the routine of taking her for granted, but so has she - they're a typical affluent couple approaching middle age, and their marriage is boring.
She throws it all away for an ex-con who roams from short-term gig to gig, and she destroys numerous lives in the process, including her own. My husband was surprised (and reassured) by the strength of my reaction to the total selfishness of Scott Thomas' character. My impression was that the female director sympathized with her more than I did. The film received critical praise, and I recommend it highly. No effort required - we streamed it from Netflix.
I then spent much of Sunday with my nose buried in a book I simply can't put down: To the End of the Land, by David Grossman. From Amazon:
To the End of the Land is a book of mourning for those not dead, a mother's lament for life during a wartime that has no end in sight. At the same time, it's joyously and almost painfully alive, full to the point of rupture with the emotions and the endless quotidian details of a few deeply imagined lives.
Ora, the Israeli mother in Grossman's story, is surrounded by men: Ilan and Avram, friends and lovers who form with her a love triangle whose intimacies and alliances fit no familiar shape, and their sons Adam and Ofer, one for each father, from whom Ora feels her separation like a wound.
When Ofer, freshly released from his army service, volunteers for an action in the West Bank instead of going on a planned hike with his mother in the north of Israel, she goes instead with Avram, who fathered Ofer but has never met him and has lived in near-seclusion since being tortured as a prisoner in the Yom Kippur war three decades before. As they walk and carefully reveal themselves to each other again, Grossman builds an overwhelming portrait of, as one character says, the "thousands of moments and hours and days" that make "one person in the world," and of the power of war to destroy such a person, even--or especially--when they survive its cruel demands.
Grossman, whose own son was killed during the 2006 Israel-Lebanon conflict, writes directly from the heart in this scorching antiwar novel.
Ora, Ilan and Avram meet in a hospital in 1967 when all three are recovering from serious hepatitis, and forge a lifelong bond. Ilan is emotionally distant, but intimidating, and on one occasion he kisses Ora in a feverish state that makes her weak in the knees. In contrast, Avram is smart and funny and incredibly present emotionally. Here is the text of a telegram he later sent Ora, after they'd been released:
"It was not love at first sight because I loved you long before that stop before I met you stop I love you backwards too stop even before I existed stop because I only became me when I met you stop."
I guess you know who got the girl.
Avram, a prolific writer, continues to share his thoughts in letters to Ora, who pulls back after receiving his telegram. He shows amazing insight, and no resentment whatsoever, in this excerpt:
"Last night I was at a jazz show with Ilan (who keeps trying to peek over my arm at what I'm writing, even though he continues to insist that he's not interested in you!). Anyway...I was able to pull together some of the opinions I've been gathering about girls lately, and I came up with some well-founded and interesting theories about them, and mainly about you.
I believe that, ultimately, you will not tie your fate with mine but with some other dude, Ilan or someone of his ilk, the point is, a guy who will definitely not tickle your navel with giggles like I do, and won't drive your mind wild with sharp observations like I do, and make every organ of your body tremble with pleasure like I do. But the thing is, he'll be hunkier, much hunkier, and calmer and more solid, and mainly more understandable to you than I am. Yes: that in the end you'll mate for life with some gorgeous, grave-looking, silver-haired alpha male.
...For I suspect, my duplicitous Ora, that deep in the depths of your light-filled and beautiful soul (which, I do not need to tell you, I love very much) lies a minuscule recess (like the ones in some corner stores, where they keep the old preserves?) that is, forgive me, slightly narrow-minded in matters of love. Of true love, I mean.
..I can only eat my heart out over the fact that it didn't happen to you with me, that revelation of love (because love is a revelation!!), because I was so close (fuckit, hissed the defeated Avram as he poured out his wrath), and that's also something I feel quite a lot in my life, the almost-happened, and I only hope it won't be the guiding principle of my life, the main tenet of all the guiding principles of my life."
"Yours, Dispirited by Torments."
I'm honestly not sure what to make of these inter-cultural confirmations of unchecked hypergamy. Game is a response that turns Avrams into Ilans. But it turns out, of course, that Ilan wasn't such a great catch - he remained remote, and selfish as well.
Forgive the cliche, but all I can think of is Fitzgerald's immortal closing sentence:
"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."
The Sexual Revolution, ushered in by the Pill and the Women's Movement, unleashed female sexuality in an unprecedented way. The result has been a hypergamous free-for-all, with women demanding increasingly long checklists of features from men as qualifications for dating. No one wants to "settle," so we've created a sociosexual environment where a brilliant and attractive professional may go without a date if he isn't the male that all other males turn to for guidance on what's cool. Never mind that he's doing brilliant research - it will count for less than the ability to walk off a rugby field battered and bloody but still smiling.
I believe that this sorry state of affairs is worst in the U.S., since feminism is more entrenched here than anywhere else, and most contemporary cultural trends (including hookup culture), originate here. This weekend, though, I encountered thought-provoking examples demonstrating that hypergamy is thriving around the world.
My husband and I watched the film Leaving (Partir) starring Kristin Scott Thomas, who seems to have made something of a career of acting bilingually in French films. She plays a wife and mother living a gracious and comfortable life. Her husband, a successful doctor, is guilty of having fallen into the routine of taking her for granted, but so has she - they're a typical affluent couple approaching middle age, and their marriage is boring.
She throws it all away for an ex-con who roams from short-term gig to gig, and she destroys numerous lives in the process, including her own. My husband was surprised (and reassured) by the strength of my reaction to the total selfishness of Scott Thomas' character. My impression was that the female director sympathized with her more than I did. The film received critical praise, and I recommend it highly. No effort required - we streamed it from Netflix.
I then spent much of Sunday with my nose buried in a book I simply can't put down: To the End of the Land, by David Grossman. From Amazon:
To the End of the Land is a book of mourning for those not dead, a mother's lament for life during a wartime that has no end in sight. At the same time, it's joyously and almost painfully alive, full to the point of rupture with the emotions and the endless quotidian details of a few deeply imagined lives.
Ora, the Israeli mother in Grossman's story, is surrounded by men: Ilan and Avram, friends and lovers who form with her a love triangle whose intimacies and alliances fit no familiar shape, and their sons Adam and Ofer, one for each father, from whom Ora feels her separation like a wound.
When Ofer, freshly released from his army service, volunteers for an action in the West Bank instead of going on a planned hike with his mother in the north of Israel, she goes instead with Avram, who fathered Ofer but has never met him and has lived in near-seclusion since being tortured as a prisoner in the Yom Kippur war three decades before. As they walk and carefully reveal themselves to each other again, Grossman builds an overwhelming portrait of, as one character says, the "thousands of moments and hours and days" that make "one person in the world," and of the power of war to destroy such a person, even--or especially--when they survive its cruel demands.
Grossman, whose own son was killed during the 2006 Israel-Lebanon conflict, writes directly from the heart in this scorching antiwar novel.
Ora, Ilan and Avram meet in a hospital in 1967 when all three are recovering from serious hepatitis, and forge a lifelong bond. Ilan is emotionally distant, but intimidating, and on one occasion he kisses Ora in a feverish state that makes her weak in the knees. In contrast, Avram is smart and funny and incredibly present emotionally. Here is the text of a telegram he later sent Ora, after they'd been released:
"It was not love at first sight because I loved you long before that stop before I met you stop I love you backwards too stop even before I existed stop because I only became me when I met you stop."
I guess you know who got the girl.
Avram, a prolific writer, continues to share his thoughts in letters to Ora, who pulls back after receiving his telegram. He shows amazing insight, and no resentment whatsoever, in this excerpt:
"Last night I was at a jazz show with Ilan (who keeps trying to peek over my arm at what I'm writing, even though he continues to insist that he's not interested in you!). Anyway...I was able to pull together some of the opinions I've been gathering about girls lately, and I came up with some well-founded and interesting theories about them, and mainly about you.
I believe that, ultimately, you will not tie your fate with mine but with some other dude, Ilan or someone of his ilk, the point is, a guy who will definitely not tickle your navel with giggles like I do, and won't drive your mind wild with sharp observations like I do, and make every organ of your body tremble with pleasure like I do. But the thing is, he'll be hunkier, much hunkier, and calmer and more solid, and mainly more understandable to you than I am. Yes: that in the end you'll mate for life with some gorgeous, grave-looking, silver-haired alpha male.
...For I suspect, my duplicitous Ora, that deep in the depths of your light-filled and beautiful soul (which, I do not need to tell you, I love very much) lies a minuscule recess (like the ones in some corner stores, where they keep the old preserves?) that is, forgive me, slightly narrow-minded in matters of love. Of true love, I mean.
..I can only eat my heart out over the fact that it didn't happen to you with me, that revelation of love (because love is a revelation!!), because I was so close (fuckit, hissed the defeated Avram as he poured out his wrath), and that's also something I feel quite a lot in my life, the almost-happened, and I only hope it won't be the guiding principle of my life, the main tenet of all the guiding principles of my life."
"Yours, Dispirited by Torments."
I'm honestly not sure what to make of these inter-cultural confirmations of unchecked hypergamy. Game is a response that turns Avrams into Ilans. But it turns out, of course, that Ilan wasn't such a great catch - he remained remote, and selfish as well.
Forgive the cliche, but all I can think of is Fitzgerald's immortal closing sentence:
"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."
Alpha Mail: alpha-watching and hamster-wheeling
Sarah's Daughter busts a friend who was texting her while alpha-watching:
It also shows that the characteristic ALPHA ruthlessness with regards to women is entirely justified. Why shouldn't they treat women with contempt and cruelty when women who don't even know them are hoping to see them get emotionally crushed? And finally it shows how self-deluded women can be with regards to what happens to turn their own cranks. Jill asserts that she is a nerd girl who likes quiet intellectual types... but there were probably ten or more quiet intellectual types that she was ignoring while staring in rapt fascination at the grandstanding antics of the young alpha.
NB: It's also interesting to note that Jill has heard the term "peacocking", but quite clearly doesn't know what is is. The concept is related to how a man dresses and accessorizes, hence the term, not how he behaves.
Jill: So I’m sitting at the pool with the kids, this teenThe exchange is as amusing as it is informative. Sarah's Daughter is correct; despite being "off the market", her friend betrays an almost inappropriate obsession with the young man, in part because his natural assurance is at odds with his actual abilities. The desire to see him taken down a peg is closely related to the desire to have sex with him. It is indifference that is the opposite of desire, not critical fascination.
guy is talking to his buddies about how there weren’t any hot chicks at some place, then bragging about his muscle tone on his back. I’m thinking he’s what is wrong with female self esteem. I look up and he is NOTHING to look at, pimples and boney haha. God I’d love to be every insecure girls’ voice saying "sweetie, he’s really NOT all that." He’s bragging about sit ups and saying bad things about other
recruits. Lmao
Kari: I would burst his lil bubble!!!!
Jill: Still bragging! This guy is out of control and he can’t swim for shit though he is totally talking like he can. His buddies were laughing at him behind his back.
Jill: Its ok, a girls swim team just showed up, all business. They make him look like the chump he is. Girl power! Haha. I think he just joined the army, lmao, no wonder John is getting out, I would too after I saw this jackass joining.
Kari: Love the Douche Bags they let in! And most likely he’s an officer lmao!
Me: A kid with that kind of confidence will land himself a hottie. Girls love that, especially if he treats them a lil’ shitty and aloof. Tweaks her hamster a bit. Good on him. I'm also partial to an officer with confidence. Though a bit different than this kid, it never crosses his mind that he's not hot, no need to talk about it. The teen is a hoss in the works.
Jill: He was way past confidence, he was right into complete self denial and arrogance haha. But ya at that age most girls dig the jerk. Sad part was, I think he was too stuck on himself, I mean the boy couldn't talk enough about himself, I would really guess that he's the guy who does the air kiss to himself in the mirror hahaha. His buddies were stroking his ego to his face but as soon as he would clumsily go swim a lap, they would laugh at him and talk behind his back. I can only guess he’s a rich kid that people pretend to like. The swim team of leggy beauties didn't even give him a first look. He's that guy that only thinks you're a hot chick if you are into him. Turn him down and he's a total jerk. I watched him come out of the locker room to grab something and just started to laugh because he had that super smug look on his face with that grin like he’s thinking, ya you all want me lmao. I like confidence too, but man that kid was just wayyyyyy ahead of himself lol.
Me: Jill, he's called a "natural alpha male", the guys talking with him and then talking about him behind his back are what's known as beta males. Visualize parrot fish that feed off of the alpha, they maintain close contact with him because he always puts himself in the way of available women. He'd argue with you that it isn't arrogance, it's truth. The simple fact that you, a woman off the market, was paying attention gives credence to the magnetism of the natural alpha. When considering natural alphas (but not necessarily good looking) think Donald Trump, Ocho Cinco, Brett Favre, Bill Clinton, General Schwarzkopf...
Jill: Well I couldn’t not notice, he was standing in front of me, his buddies were almost standing on me. I know the alpha male stuff, I just thought it was funny. Also called peacocking minus the clothing of course.
Jill: You are right, though, I think after a while that fluff wears off. I definitely do not like arrogant alpha men as much as I like more intellectual quiet types. I’m a nerd girl lol. I admit, I'd love to see a hot woman just crush him a little and knock him down a peg.
Me: It’s rare when you see a natural, most guys are doing their best to emulate them. You are talking/behaving predictably having had one in your presence today. I'm seriously not trying to pick on you, but you are saying the exact things that all women say about Alphas. They hate them, however when in their "riding the carousel" years, they sleep with them.
Jill: I know haha, that’s what sucks about it! Its sad and true. When I was young I totally was drawn to the jerky alpha guys. Now if I were single I highly doubt I would be interested in a guy like him but at this age our needs are far surpassed as sexual ones. And lets face it when we are young we really don't have any other objective than to mate lol. Now though I find myself more interested in the nerdy guys, I enjoy having an intelligent conversation not one about how many sit ups a guy can do in a minute hahaha.
I thought I got my point across, no need to point out her lies of “I couldn’t not notice” considering she was watching him for quite some time. Nor her snowflaking.
It also shows that the characteristic ALPHA ruthlessness with regards to women is entirely justified. Why shouldn't they treat women with contempt and cruelty when women who don't even know them are hoping to see them get emotionally crushed? And finally it shows how self-deluded women can be with regards to what happens to turn their own cranks. Jill asserts that she is a nerd girl who likes quiet intellectual types... but there were probably ten or more quiet intellectual types that she was ignoring while staring in rapt fascination at the grandstanding antics of the young alpha.
NB: It's also interesting to note that Jill has heard the term "peacocking", but quite clearly doesn't know what is is. The concept is related to how a man dresses and accessorizes, hence the term, not how he behaves.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Maxim II: make her jealous
Roissy's Maxim II is a maxim that I had a fair amount of difficulty accepting, or understanding the value of, as a self-professed Christian man. Hadn’t I always been warned in Sunday school that jealousy is a sin? Why would I want to cause a spouse or a future spouse to sin? So I did a bit of study and discovered that the word jealous occurs 49 times in the NIV translation and not all of the occurrences are a negative inference for the word. Whereas the word Covet which is only listed 11 times and all are negative including the 10 commandments. Having mentioned the Bible in my post I can assume that the greatest experts of ancient texts in the entire world will rally around and dissect the proper meanings of the Arabic, Hebrew and Greek sources for the two words in question. Please do not. I mention it because that was a component of why I my inner delta so strenuously objected to this maxim.
Jealous: feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often followed by of ): He was jealous of his rich brother.
Covet: to desire wrongfully, inordinately, or without due regard for the rights of others: to covet another's property.
To the PUA this distinction may not mean much until the fling becomes a stalker, but to those of us with a background in churchianity this is an important distinction, because from many a pulpit these two words are used interchangeably. I have come to the conclusion that jealously is not inherently wrong, however, when a desire drives you to consider breaking the law (moral or legal) to obtain it, that desire then becomes wrong.
Is there a time when jealously is warranted and good? Yes. An example from my own life: The electronic toll booth informed me of a twice-weekly affair that sent my wife’s vehicle north away from the house at 5pm and south toward the house at 4am. Most would agree with me that this is an appropriate time for jealousy. Because the feeling of jealousy is so visceral it is difficult to look at it objectively in our modern paradigm of politeness, similarly it is difficult to distinguish it from covetousness. My jealousy at the time was driven in the following two veins: What was rightfully mine (I had paid the price to obtain the matching ring) had been taken from me. I was doing everything right (read BETA) and someone else was enjoying physical intimacy with my wife. Did I desire anything wrong morally or illegally? No, therefore I perceive feelings as jealousy.
Now that I have made the case that jealousy is not by its nature evil, let us consider the reasons why it is an effective component of game. While men are competitive in many arenas, women are very competitive in one specific area, that of obtaining a premier mate to procreate with. In competition, relative success and the resulting rivalry is one of the driving forces which motivates people to better their position within that specific measurement matrix. How many times have you heard the story of some great athlete who remembers a turning point when a coach cuts him from the team, or when some other important figure tells him he will “amount to nothing”. This specific painful rivalry becomes the driving force which propels them to great heights of success. The same thing is true for a woman. They are driven to mate with the best available man at a biological level. I am not saying woman are strictly beasts, but rather this is a biological driving force which they choose to either obey or not. The same concept is played out time and time again in animal herds and packs where the females compete for the attention of the best male, and in many cases physically beating away the competition. Jealousy plays upon this rivalry.
So am I suggesting overt manipulation? Maybe, but the reality is there is a biological instinct in every one of us. If you are not making the case to your wife’s hamster that you are the dominate male someone else will. If your wife notices other women flirting with you, it will remind them that you are a valuable catch, and when you go home, they remember that you chose them. Their hamster also spins the wheel considering Maxims VII and XVI. If you encourage the flirting of other women with you, it may even cause your wife to act out in a turf protective manner. Here is where I kill the sports analogy: Just like a competition on the court of rivals increases the male competitors skills, athletic prowess, and love for the game in the same way a woman’s competition will spur her on to pursue you all the more.
As I look back on my failed marriage, I did the exact opposite of what Game recommends. I discouraged flirting in front of my wife, and ignored flirting when she was not around. I had a big white-knighting complex. During one particularly silly s-test my wife accused me of flirting with my brother's fiancée. I failed miserably. I denied up and down the accusation, also tried the standard appeal to logic (uber fail). That s-test kept coming back and hitting me in the forehead for the three years that lead up to our divorce. Knowing what I know now the response would have been much different. In reality she was begging me to man up and tell her to quit the BS.
So learn from my mistake, flirt, flirt and then flirt some more, with your waitress, with the punk teen scanning your groceries, and tease your nieces at family events. Tell your wife about the lady at work who baked you muffins. Show your wife know you are a desired commodity, and enjoy the ensuing fireworks. Be warned, if you flirt, you will be s-tested. Be prepared.
-DJ
Jealous: feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often followed by of ): He was jealous of his rich brother.
Covet: to desire wrongfully, inordinately, or without due regard for the rights of others: to covet another's property.
To the PUA this distinction may not mean much until the fling becomes a stalker, but to those of us with a background in churchianity this is an important distinction, because from many a pulpit these two words are used interchangeably. I have come to the conclusion that jealously is not inherently wrong, however, when a desire drives you to consider breaking the law (moral or legal) to obtain it, that desire then becomes wrong.
Is there a time when jealously is warranted and good? Yes. An example from my own life: The electronic toll booth informed me of a twice-weekly affair that sent my wife’s vehicle north away from the house at 5pm and south toward the house at 4am. Most would agree with me that this is an appropriate time for jealousy. Because the feeling of jealousy is so visceral it is difficult to look at it objectively in our modern paradigm of politeness, similarly it is difficult to distinguish it from covetousness. My jealousy at the time was driven in the following two veins: What was rightfully mine (I had paid the price to obtain the matching ring) had been taken from me. I was doing everything right (read BETA) and someone else was enjoying physical intimacy with my wife. Did I desire anything wrong morally or illegally? No, therefore I perceive feelings as jealousy.
Now that I have made the case that jealousy is not by its nature evil, let us consider the reasons why it is an effective component of game. While men are competitive in many arenas, women are very competitive in one specific area, that of obtaining a premier mate to procreate with. In competition, relative success and the resulting rivalry is one of the driving forces which motivates people to better their position within that specific measurement matrix. How many times have you heard the story of some great athlete who remembers a turning point when a coach cuts him from the team, or when some other important figure tells him he will “amount to nothing”. This specific painful rivalry becomes the driving force which propels them to great heights of success. The same thing is true for a woman. They are driven to mate with the best available man at a biological level. I am not saying woman are strictly beasts, but rather this is a biological driving force which they choose to either obey or not. The same concept is played out time and time again in animal herds and packs where the females compete for the attention of the best male, and in many cases physically beating away the competition. Jealousy plays upon this rivalry.
So am I suggesting overt manipulation? Maybe, but the reality is there is a biological instinct in every one of us. If you are not making the case to your wife’s hamster that you are the dominate male someone else will. If your wife notices other women flirting with you, it will remind them that you are a valuable catch, and when you go home, they remember that you chose them. Their hamster also spins the wheel considering Maxims VII and XVI. If you encourage the flirting of other women with you, it may even cause your wife to act out in a turf protective manner. Here is where I kill the sports analogy: Just like a competition on the court of rivals increases the male competitors skills, athletic prowess, and love for the game in the same way a woman’s competition will spur her on to pursue you all the more.
As I look back on my failed marriage, I did the exact opposite of what Game recommends. I discouraged flirting in front of my wife, and ignored flirting when she was not around. I had a big white-knighting complex. During one particularly silly s-test my wife accused me of flirting with my brother's fiancée. I failed miserably. I denied up and down the accusation, also tried the standard appeal to logic (uber fail). That s-test kept coming back and hitting me in the forehead for the three years that lead up to our divorce. Knowing what I know now the response would have been much different. In reality she was begging me to man up and tell her to quit the BS.
So learn from my mistake, flirt, flirt and then flirt some more, with your waitress, with the punk teen scanning your groceries, and tease your nieces at family events. Tell your wife about the lady at work who baked you muffins. Show your wife know you are a desired commodity, and enjoy the ensuing fireworks. Be warned, if you flirt, you will be s-tested. Be prepared.
-DJ
The monstrous generation
Women are more naturally solipsistic than men. For whatever reason, this has always been the case. But the societal changes that have "liberated" women from what can be described as "civilized mores" or "patriarchal oppression" depending on your perspective have tended to act as a force multiplier on women's natural solipsism. The incident related below is interesting for the number of myths it explodes, as it shows that neither intelligence, education, nor non-European ethnicity is intrinsically sufficient to restrain fully blown female solipsism in pursuit of its momentary wants:
How do we explain this? Is the girl simply crazy? That's always possible. But more likely, the answer is to be found in the mother's response. "The mother told investigators she did not want to press charges against Hachero, because she had recently been accepted to several Ivy League colleges." There is the root of the problem. Take a naturally solipsistic person, raise them without any sense of personal accountability, and you create a monster. Far too many young women have been turned into such monsters by the failure of their parents to "oppress" them, or to put it another way, "civilize" them.
Just as women are forced to be aware that every charming man with a winning smile is a potential Ted Bundy, men need to be cognizant of the increasing possibility that a pretty young woman is a budding Rachel Hachero. Because if a girl will pull a gun on her own mother for nothing more than refusing to obey her, just imagine what she will be willing to do to you the first time you cross her.
A 17-year-old girl was charged Friday with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, unlawful possession of a firearm and battery after deputies say she pulled a gun on her mother during an argument. Rachel Anne Hachero was upset because her mother wouldn't co-sign on a vehicle purchase, according to a Lee County Sheriff's Office report. The teen's mother told investigators Hachero threatened to kill her when she refused to co-sign for the vehicle. Hachero then confronted her mother at home with a gun and pistol-whipped her head, according to the report.Now, there are certainly men capable of behaving in such a manner. The difference, however, is that these men are never elite college material; Miss Hachero has been accepted to several Ivy League universities. The strongest correlation to male criminal behavior is not poverty or race, but low IQ. Unlike his less intelligent brethren, a smart man is capable of seeing that pistol-whipping one's prospective co-signer is likely to produce far more cost than benefit to him and is therefore reluctant to act. A highly intelligent woman, on the other hand, is perfectly capable of making the same cost-benefit judgment, but then goes ahead and commits the crime anyhow.
How do we explain this? Is the girl simply crazy? That's always possible. But more likely, the answer is to be found in the mother's response. "The mother told investigators she did not want to press charges against Hachero, because she had recently been accepted to several Ivy League colleges." There is the root of the problem. Take a naturally solipsistic person, raise them without any sense of personal accountability, and you create a monster. Far too many young women have been turned into such monsters by the failure of their parents to "oppress" them, or to put it another way, "civilize" them.
Just as women are forced to be aware that every charming man with a winning smile is a potential Ted Bundy, men need to be cognizant of the increasing possibility that a pretty young woman is a budding Rachel Hachero. Because if a girl will pull a gun on her own mother for nothing more than refusing to obey her, just imagine what she will be willing to do to you the first time you cross her.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sub-omega
Is there a letter in the Greek alphabet that comes after Omega?
Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300.This has to be a joke, or at the very least a serious exaggeration. If not, it serves as an extreme warning of what a man may have to expect should he absolve himself of responsibility for the household and submit to his wife. Women tend to have a predilection for organization and systems and gargantuan catalogs of petty rules; this works very well in some situations but is not particularly well-suited for complicated and unpredictable things like human relationships.
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