Sunday, December 4, 2016

The failure of girl power

A successful business woman belatedly learns that she doesn't like being the breadwinner:
My husband has a life that many people who are "rule-followers," like me, would envy. When I first met him, it was undeniably a passionate love affair. I'd never dated anyone or known anyone like him before. He took risks, lived all over the world, had many passions and has been a loyal friend. He's seven years older than I am, and we met at work, where his power and seniority at the office was insanely attractive to me. The year we got married, he wanted to take a risk and go back to graduate school to find his dream job. I trusted his judgment, and between his savings, my new job, and some sacrifices, we comfortably lived while he went through two years of graduate school. My husband now has his dream job. I'm proud of everything he's accomplished and what we were able to do together to make it happen.

Over the past four years, my career has skyrocketed in ways I never could have dreamed of. I've broken through the hypothetical glass ceiling in a male-dominated industry. I am a huge believer in women in the workplace and always will be. If they become the breadwinners in marriage, more power to them.

Now herein lies my problem — I became the breadwinner in an extreme way. I committed to supporting us for two years, but we're going on four now, and it will likely be five. Our income divide is so extreme that I pay for 90 percent of our living expenses. What I've found is I can't live this girl-power lifestyle that I believe in.

I'm very close to a breaking point, and I never stop thinking about leaving my husband. And no matter what other reasons I come up with, it always leads back to money, power and sexual attraction
Feminism is pure fiction. Any attempt to live one's life by its tenets are utterly doomed to failure. At this point, if you're still a feminist, you're just stupid.

29 comments:

liberranter said...

At this point, if you're still a feminist, you're just stupid.

There's an ocean of stupid out there, although it's probably more accurately described as a river that ain't just in Egypt.

It's both deliciously, Schadenfreude-ishly hilarious and tragic to see these women trapped by the moronic, pipe dream choices they've made. Being women, they are structurally incapable of admitting to having made a mistake and are thus compelled to continue all the way down the paths they've chosen, even while knowing that they lead to misery and destruction.

Also, this woman's husband, far from being the Alpha she dreamed he was, is a Beta enabler. Any man who nurtures his wife "girlllll power" fantasies to the point where they make him her kitchen bitch is a closet cuck fetishist who despises his own masculinity. This woman is now realizing this about her own husband and is naturally repulsed by it - and by him.

Timmy3 said...

Comically, the column was on NPR's dear sugar, which should be relabeled as dear sugar daddy. This problem of a spouse upending an assumed arrangement happens way too often. Sometimes intentionally like in this case and sometimes by circumstance. This woman might not be at the age when she can start over again with new husband if she wants to have babies. She might have to continue her marriage. Then again, she is likelier to leave with the odds being that she will. She won't attract a sugar daddy unless she is really hot and young. Her man will bounce back. Men usually do.

Harsh said...

The problem obviously is the husband is not secure in his masculinity and can't handle a strong, empowered woman. If he'd just man up, the poor girl wouldn't dream about leaving him.

Johnny said...

Something I have long noticed is that feminism is forever holding men up as the ideal. Over and over women are told that they are deprived of male levels of accomplishment. And thus covertly they end up encouraging women to embrace male goals. This works for some women, but for many not so much.

Bard said...

Let her leave. She will like the spousal support she had to pay even less.

GAHCindy said...

A wise woman builds her own house. A foolish one tries to be her own husband.

Purge187 said...

I'm not so sure about that, Bard. Even though she's The Breadwinner, he'll probably still get the shaft.

Carlos Eduardo Chies said...

The problem is that feminism did not help her to actually know herself.

Elocutioner said...

She should man up and be supportive of her husband.

Hammerli280 said...

It raises an interesting question...what does a successful woman do for a husband? I figure she's got a choice of either looking for someone even more successful (scarce, by definition), or looking for someone successful in a completely different field. Which might not pay as well, but may be higher status.

praetorian said...

This reads like alt-right fanfic. Who can tell these days?

I love how nonchalant the advice columnists are about divorce. We are going to garrote every last one of these people on the day of the pranks.

Undocumented Pharmacist said...

So the guy's dream job, for which he had to spend money on two year's graduate school, has him making 1/4 of his previous salary? Some dream. And they didn't know this was a likely outcome? A real pair of geniuses.

Reminds me of a guy I met ~20 years ago. Felt he had a calling to the ministry so he left his cushy corporate job, spends a couple years in seminary (married with a child) and when he got out couldn't find a position that would pay more than $13k/year. Went right back to his old job.

Michael Maier said...

I hate reading this stuff. Both my brothers face this issue. The older brother's wife is a manager in pharmaceuticals pulling very nice loot. The younger's is going to take the bar soon and has proven adept at professional networking in marketing and finance.

All three of us boys were saturated in stupid feminist bullshit from both of my parents our entire lives. And we got a front-row seat to how it doesn't work in a marriage dynamic. But I think pre-red pill, you just assume you have a messed-up family and that's the cards you've been dealt.

I'm the "freak". My mother cannot believe how dismissive I am of all that rot. I revel in her confusion and frustration. Watching her tears stop instantly after she realized it wasn't working is one of my favorite memories ever. It perfectly exemplified ALL the red pill stuff so well in one moment.

VFM #7634 said...

The big problem here is that the wife got promoted to a very high-paying position, most likely because of quota hiring rather than real merit.

It doesn't matter that the husband is satisfied with his own job, the real problem is that he doesn't make nearly as much as she does, and is therefore automatically significantly lower-status, and her hypergamous instincts are now champing at the bit for a replacement. He might have been able to get away with a highly-paid wife if he was high-ranked, but given her dissatisfaction, he almost certainly isn't.

Affirmative action for women is destroying marriages, and this article is Exhibit A.

Laguna Beach Fogey said...

Surely the chap isn't blameless in this scenario.

ChickenChicken Sweep said...

Something in this story seems off. What is this "dream job" that requires two years of grad school but pays shit and apparently has no opportunities for advancement? Did he become a master puppeteer? Or, God help us, a social worker?!

Of course, it's the same old story: she wants the status and money, but not the burden of responsibility nor the uncomfortable expectations involved.

liberranter said...

It raises an interesting question...what does a successful woman do for a husband?

She marries a man who looks at her as competition and who enjoys sparring, arguing, fighting, one-upmanship, and strife. In other words, a man who has no interest in a real marriage and who probably actually despises women.

Good luck to a SIW snowflake in finding a man like that who has anh interest whatsoever in getting married.

Aeoli Pera said...

"I am a huge believer in women in the workplace and always will be."

Repeal the 19th amendment.

RmaxGenactivePUA Mgtow said...

You can call this hypergamy, pre-selection, at the end of the day posts like this prove the vast majority of women are too undisciplined & feral.

If men can control everything from their hi-t sexuality to avoiding wanting to impregnate younger chicks, & should be impregnating younger chicks, women should control their hypergamy etc.

The fact women cant, proves how unfit & incompatible women are with men.

Case in point, the guy in this post has his dream job, even if it pays less.

Even in a 1st world country with infinite resources, all she cares about is her gina tingles & status ...

The problem is women have far too much access to alpha's & assholes, which in turn turns them into feral bitches like the woman in this post.

In 3rd world countries plenty of women are the breadwinners,they dont have access to hordes of assholes to turn them into feral western bitches ...

The problem is white men trying to civilise feral western women through marriage ...

Fix the welfare state & get rid of the divorce laws, & see how much incentive women have to become feral & batshit crazy ...

This isnt about feminism, this is about women destroying their sanity, through years of relationships with assholes & thugs.

RmaxGenactivePUA Mgtow said...

You can call this hypergamy, pre-selection, at the end of the day posts like this prove the vast majority of women are too undisciplined & feral.

If men can control everything from their hi-t sexuality to avoiding wanting to impregnate younger chicks, & should be impregnating younger chicks, women should control their hypergamy etc.

The fact women cant, proves how unfit & incompatible women are with men.

Case in point, the guy in this post has his dream job, even if it pays less.

Even in a 1st world country with infinite resources, all she cares about is her gina tingles & status ...

The problem is women have far too much access to alpha's & assholes, which in turn turns them into feral bitches like the woman in this post.

In 3rd world countries plenty of women are the breadwinners,they dont have access to hordes of assholes to turn them into feral western bitches ...

The problem is white men trying to civilise feral western women through marriage ...

Fix the welfare state & get rid of the divorce laws, & see how much incentive women have to become feral & batshit crazy ...

This isnt about feminism, this is about women destroying their sanity, through years of relationships with assholes & thugs.

weka said...

She marries a man who looks at her as competition and who enjoys sparring, arguing, fighting, one-upmanship, and strife. In other words, a man who has no interest in a real marriage and who probably actually despises women.

Good luck to a SIW snowflake in finding a man like that who has anh interest whatsoever in getting married.


She hates it that she gambled on him winning with the career change and he is not. He is probably at an age where he does not care about the income as much as having some peace.

She has none. She does not know that this is why he left what he was doing.

She would be best to quit that job and keep her husband. But she won't do that.

Moar Cats needed.

Remo - Vile Faceless Minion #99 said...

I admire that she actually admits - even with an anonymous post to a dear Abby site - that its the income disparity that this causing her to have thoughts of leaving. She is of course quick to concede that she cannot discuss this hidden problem with the rest of the flock. Doubtless when the marriage dies she'll tell their couple friends "we grew apart" or "he didn't do the dishes correctly" or some other such nonsense. So why hasn't she left yet? This article doesn't say it specifically but as she is intelligent she must know that alimony *for him* is a distinct possibility. Her claiming a share of his income having paid for his graduate degree will buttress against some of that but as the guy isn't making any coin from it that might not be enough to sway things. There are no income chits (children) for her to automatically get custody of so there won't be any child support stream coming her way either. He'll get 1/2 and she's contributed a lot more and and and.... she's a WOMAN therefore this is unacceptable. Funny how that works when the roles are reversed.

Personally I hope her husband sees this article and tactically steps down his attempts to increase his income - at this point that would be just him gathering more rope to hang himself. If his income skyrocketed tomorrow she'd be at the lawyers office the next day filing and demanding recompense for his degree that she SHE paid for and of course she'd be granted same. His best bet is to not only avoid higher income jobs but look for ways to decrease his earnings. Check mate would be to sucker her into moving to a state like Massachusetts or Florida which do lifetime alimony - have him claim to be assured of a better job there then have it fall through (shucky darn) after arrival.

I suppose I should feel some guilt talking this way as child support, alimony, and the entire family court system is an absolute evil, but given this woman's feminist creds plus the almost 70 year march of women having this exact conversation with each other on how best to milk a slave I feel none.

Days of Broken Arrows said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bob Loblaw said...

So the guy's dream job, for which he had to spend money on two year's graduate school, has him making 1/4 of his previous salary?

I've seen this a couple times, but it was never the husband quitting a well-paying job to follow his dream. Female lawyers seem particularly prone to it.

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MC227 said...

Just shows that women really do not want to be the leader but have been told their whole life they can do anything a man can do. Now she is not sexually attracted to him because she make so much more money. They may talk all the nonsense about being strong and independent but when it all comes down to testing it she fails miserably. Women lose all respect for men that don't make as much money as them. There is a reason that men throughout history have been the leaders, inventors, innovators and builders. Liberals constantly try to deny nature and then they run smack into reality and they do not like it.

Boko Harambe said...

The notion that "a man is not a retirement plan" has been a refrain for decades. There is even an organization devoted to it, called perhaps ironically, WIFE: Women's Institute for Financial Education.

And then there are well-meaning but equality/feminist doctrine steeped fathers who tell their daughters they ought to be independent and make good money for themselves and not depend on a man or marriage for security.

I love my dad to no end, but he was this type. No job I ever had was good enough. I was pressed and pushed to do more. I was academically gifted and maintained high grades, took internships, summer jobs with pharma and financial firms, and managed a division for a mid sized multinational.

But was never happy, always felt inadequate, fearful of losing my job, and neurotic. Then I had a break with life and my personal reality, went full on one-with-nature and left it behind, met husband, several kids, SAHM, and finally breathing deep sighs of relief and joy that I am no longer subverting my nature.

So much SSRI revenue must, MUST, be driven by this exact situation. Confronting unreality and contortioning the mind to accept it as reality is full time, high energy, no peace, work.

Thanks, J. said...

LOL

Jed Mask said...

Ouch, ouch, ouch... Amen.

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