Sunday, February 8, 2015

It's not a compliment


"I'll take it as a compliment" is an intrinsically Gamma reaction. Why? Because it is a willfully dishonest denial of reality. One does not know, let alone dictate, the motivations of others. What is relevant is the reality of the other party's disapproval, contempt, jealousy, hatred, or simple desire to insult, not the particular insult delivered.

There mere existence of an enemy can be a compliment; we tend to think well of those who are hated and attacked by evil men. And there are, of course, incompetently delivered insults that may genuinely be compliments of one sort or another.

But to unilaterally declare that X is Y is not an action of strength and confidence, but rather a weak and insecure retreat into delusion. And that sort of retreat is habitual for the Gamma male.

There are many ways one can respond to an insult. But "I'll take it as a compliment" should never be one of them. Accept reality and deal with it, don't redefine and run from it.

This exchange illustrates the problem with trying to help Gammas:
Indicates indifference to the other person's opinion to me. Deliberate positive reframe.

That's the point. It doesn't do so at all. The indifferent don't need to reframe. The indifferent don't care.
And perhaps more to the point, you're not fooling anyone with your faux-indifferent deliberate positive reframe. You're just deluding yourself.

40 comments:

Rek. said...

I have to ask, why are we talking about gammas so much, it's not like they have anything particularly useful to teach. Or maybe it's just that I don't feel it concerns me. I'd love a series of post on sigmaness, alphaness, betaness.

As far as betaness goes, I guess I could write those or am I a delta. I tend to attract mostly second tier women so I'd say beta. And when it comes to outshining the alpha, I have internalized my transformation to such a high degree that I don't really have to try. It just comes naturally. I do tend to drop the ball with gorgeous women though.

And all of this just happened in a couple of months. Last night 20 something people at a restaurant, usual group of "friends". I was pretty much in charge. I was right there with the alpha battling it out. Call me king jerk.

Just a year ago, I would listen to him, suffer his taking over the group. I woud just be your usual secure guy. Now I am in control and I am imposing my frame.

b1bae96e-6447-11e3-b6bb-000f20980440 said...

What about making the masturbation gesture? I have done that a few times. I thought it was a clear signal to the other party what I thought of their statement in a manner that states they aren't even worthy of a civilized response.

But I suppose it could be seen as making a declaration that their intent was Y instead of X.

MATT said...

How is spam getting through?? Writing scripts to spam people..Who are these people????

Rek. said...

Guys rarely ever try to check me. But I've had a lot of laughs with the old classic, "your momma ..." And it's a bullseye with girls. Some guys can get very confrontational in "your momma's" territory, but girls will instantly feel the no fucks given attitude that goes with pulling out something so ridiculous.

Eric said...

But to unilaterally declare that X is Y is not an action of strength and confidence, but rather a weak and insecure retreat into delusion. And that sort of retreat is habitual for the Gamma male.

"Islam is a religion of peace."

Corvinus said...

@Rek

As a Delta, I agree completely about more posts on the ALPHA classes. And good on ya for your apparent improvement from Delta to Beta.

As for dropping the ball with gorgeous women, I have managed to completely lose fear around them... in fact, I'm more nervous around average-looking and fat women. Ironically enough, the hotties are nicer and more open than the plain janes; the latter are more likely to react in more of a contemptuous "why are you talking to me?" manner.

What may help you is to think this way: talking to a hottie is a DHV, and talking to a plain jane is a DLV ... in both their minds. The hottie is thinking, "he must be used to women of my caliber, so he must be high value"; conversely for the plain jane or (ugh) fattie if you try to chat them up.

Markku said...

There is a situation where that line is appropriate, and it is when you are genuinely not sure - what was said could either be an honest, albeit a bit clumsy compliment, or it could include a little poke in the eye in it, though on the whole said in good humor.

But when you know it was definitely not a compliment, then the line is just passive-aggressive and makes you look weak and conflict-avoidant. You should rather go to the real issue, and point out why what was said actually fails to insult.

Doom said...

It really depends. If a woman, more specifically my woman, calls me an asshole, but does as I have said, I quite happily accept the term for the deed(s) or rendering to my will. I am happy to play the part. And, if that's what it takes, all good. The term bastard works even better, it's my favorite by far, if dames prefer nastier terms unfortunately. Besides, I am a bastard, it cuts into their shock margins. And, sometimes, with various women, I preferred them to say they hated me. The ones who said they loved me were good, but variety is the spice of life. Each had their points. Oddly, the ones who said they hated me were more believable, in one sense... that of the momentary, while probably proving to be more loving than the ones who declared their love. That was from a time when temporary lovers seemed the way of things though. Does a gamma go through 60 to 80 lovers, of from between a few weeks to eight years, often having several on the hook at a time, count as a gamma? If so, perhaps that is what I am.

Believe as you like.

Markku said...

I quite happily accept the term for the deed(s)

In that case, the proper response is "thanks". " Compliment" assumes not only that the thing itself is positive, but that you are make-believing that the intent was also positive when you know it wasn't.

Brad Andrews said...

Isn't "taking it as a complement" part of what Vox does with the International League of Evil stuff?

hank.jim said...

Perhaps everyone needs to know a good retort when someone insults them and added "I wouldn't be telling you if I didn't care." Then they will possibly take it as a compliment. Toxic relationships does this to people. Just shoot me.

SirThermite said...

Isn't "taking it as a complement" part of what Vox does with the International League of Evil stuff?

I believe Vox already covered that in the 2nd paragraph. And I wouldn't deem to speak for the International League of Evil, but I highly doubt any of them started out hoping the rabbits would have sex with them.

Doom said...

Markku,

No, not really. Actually, not at all. I want it to be negative. It means she will do the will of a man she despises, or do things she hates to do for me. It means she is well and truly under my thumb. I just don't give a shit how she feels or what she thinks, so long as she does my will. Not every time, but for the most part. Certainly if she decides to butt heads. If I were to thank her, it would be for doing what I wanted. Her feelings are not my concern. I have found that if a woman will do what she doesn't want to do, or like to do, she is actually generally happier. Women tend to feel better when they are managed, than when they are forced to manage... at least some aspects of life.

Markku said...

I just don't give a shit how she feels or what she thinks, so long as she does my will. Not every time, but for the most part. Certainly if she decides to butt heads. If I were to thank her, it would be for doing what I wanted. Her feelings are not my concern.

In that state of mind, you would then go there directly. "I'll take that a compliment" is a declaration of intention to proceed to put your fingers in your ears and go "lalalala". To use self-deception to change a disagreeable reality into an agreeable one. Namely, that it was not actually a compliment. A compliment INTENDS to say something positive.

Agree and amplify bears superficial resemblance to this, but it's not the same. In agree and amplify, you recognize the fact - the negative intent - and you then show the execution's incompetence.

Markku said...

A short agree-and-amplify -example to the charge of being an asshole would be "damn straight."

automatthew said...

Or: "You have no idea."

Markku said...

"That's why you love me and make me a sammich"

Markku said...

Though, if you use that line, then a sammich needs to actually happen in the very near future. Or you'll look weak.

Tommy Hass said...

Didn't McRapey claim that he doesn't mind being referred to as a cockroach because roaches are so adaptable and tough? LOL.

JCclimber said...

The proper response is:
Thanks.
Or, I'm blushing.

Vox is correct, that this is a gamma tell. if you find yourself saying this, you need to do some more deep cleaning to root out the gamma attitude contamination that society put down in your psyche.

dalrock said...

The funniest example of this that I've seen is SJW Adam Lee's wife writing that saying a man gets pegged by his angry period raging girlfriend is a compliment because it means he is "getting laid".

The original comment:
I’d wager this guy is a skinny little girly man just desperate for some cash. Probably gets pegged by his angry period-raging feminist girlfriend.

Her reply in her blog post Misogynist Troll Insult Fails:

when we take out the modifiers and the name calling, and we look at what /u/bleekdawn is trying to say…there’s not much of an insult now is there? Like I said on /r/TheBluePill, he is now a little richer from the publication of this article and he will be getting laid tonight? Sounds like a win on both counts. What am I missing?

Rek. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rek. said...

The problem with most guys from omegas to betas is they give too much of a fuck. Alphas, sigmas and lambdas just DGAF. If your answer is conveying "fucks given" then it's definitely not the right come back. Anything that is some form of acknowledgement of what has been said and as it was meant is a fail. "I'll take that as a compliment" is such an occurence.

On the other hand, some retorts showing no emotional attachment as pointed out by Markku are in order, e.g. Agree and Amplify or Agree and Redefine. The idea is to discharge the emotional load.

It is worth pointing out that the only reason anyone is ever gonna call you out on something or test you is due to you showing cracks, lacking congruence. If a woman senses that you are acting out of character she'll sh!t test you. That's why assholes rarely get tested. Because they act like assholes all the time. Test him and the hammer will come down on you hard. Have some balls, defend your boundaries, always.

Vox said...

A short agree-and-amplify -example to the charge of being an asshole would be "damn straight."

No, that's "agree". Agree-and-amplify would be: "Will you be my toilet paper?"

Vox said...

If your answer is conveying "fucks given" then it's definitely not the right come back. Anything that is some form of acknowledgement of what has been said and as it was meant is a fail. "I'll take that as a compliment" is such an occurence.

This is correct. Too often people are paying too much attention to the words and ignoring what the words signify. A lot of communication is non-verbal.

I have to ask, why are we talking about gammas so much, it's not like they have anything particularly useful to teach. Or maybe it's just that I don't feel it concerns me. I'd love a series of post on sigmaness, alphaness, betaness.

Speaking of a lack of fucks given.... The reason I talk about gammas so much is that they need to hear it. I'm not interested in either the posturing of the Internet Alphas or striking any such poses myself, and there are plenty of other "Be a chest-pounding Alpha like ME sites around.

The fact that people can so badly misread gamma behaviors like "I'll take that as a compliment" indicates that more of this is needed, not less.

Vox said...

Isn't "taking it as a complement" part of what Vox does with the International League of Evil stuff?

In what sense? They don't call me "Supreme Dark Lord", they call me Racist Sexist Homophobic Dipshit. That's an insult, it's a lie, and you don't see me taking it as a compliment. The Evil Legion of Evil mocks what they actually do, which is very different than trying to spin it as a compliment. It is a form of agree-and-amplify.

Trust said...

I think it's important to tall about gamma because, for some reason, gamma is what we are teaching boys to be. I understand this well, since I was taught, raised, counseled and even medicated to be gamma.

This is mind boggling, since most women (and men for that matter) are repulsed by gammas and are incapable of sympathy for them.

In any case Rek, as a former gamma due to programming, this needs taught. Our society will not survive mass gamma production. Some natural gammas may not be able to be helped, but the manufactured ones can be.

Doom said...

I know you hate it. Which is part of why I do it. Do you love me too?

Chest pounding alphas and the rest are douches. *pounding chest* Woot! I've been waiting for a swat, I guess this will have to do.

Rek. said...

Like I said: "I have to ask, why are we talking about gammas ***so much***"

I do care, I care very solipsistically about me and my learning curve. I don't know if you are familiar with Tai Lopez' 33% rule, but basically he argues that you should spend an equal amount of time with people that are under you, at your level and above you. Gammas and Deltas are everywhere. I know them, I know what makes them tick, especially well, since I was one of them.

Last night I was thinking to myself, "some day I won't need this blog anymore" (see how much I care, Vox. So much that I think about this blog), I've had some mind-blowing instances since discovering the manosphere and downing the red pill. I am not in the Matrix, I am into the Matrix, and that's all thanks to you.

You know how they say, "alphas are out there living, while we are on here commenting." Well the irony in this blog, is that it will change your life, if you let it, and strip you of any preconceived idea of the "self" that one could have and hold on to, then some day when you are ready you might not even care enough to log on.

A comment in anticipated nostalgia if you will. I can't wait to not need to read your advice anymore. In the mean time reading about those that are above me would be helpful.

Markku said...

It isn't really very complicated to know the alpha response to any situation. It's what you'd naturally respond with, if you knew yourself to be completely invincible. Maybe a HB10 is talking. Maybe you happen to feel flatulence. Oh, what to do, what to do...

But deltas aren't there yet. Not even close. They know that at any given moment, they could be hurt in any number of ways. The alpha response is just way above what they could realistically do. It's much more practically important to rather NOT do that gamma thing, where it's YOU shooting yourself in the foot instead of someone else MAYBE doing so in the worst case.

Rek. said...

"Chest pounding alphas and the rest are douche"

There wouldn't be so many if girls weren't attracted to that kind of behavior. Being aloof, unresponsive, jerkish is paramount.

Earl Thomas said...

'There wouldn't be so many if girls weren't attracted to that kind of behavior. Being aloof, unresponsive, jerkish is paramount. '

Paramount to what exactly?

Rek. said...

Unless I made a syntactical mistake in the use of the word paramount, which is a possibility, you very well know to what purpose those attributes are of crucial importance, attracting girls, hot young women. In the grand scheme of things, having success with women pretty much amounts to nothing. On this small speck, lost in the middle of galaxies, having had sex with one, ten, hundred, thousand women really means absolutly nothing, yes I know, so spare me the discourse on such senseless conduct.

But having a modicum of self-determinism in your dating life does have some value, esp. if you've had none. Great men have killed for or were ready to die for sex, not so great sacrificed their humanity and freedom to rape others. So answer me this, if you were hundred percent certain that tonight by merely showing up at your local "wherever you feel like spending time/having fun" and saying hi to some gorgeous, smart, religious and sexy women, they would ask you out on a date, would you do it?

See that's the problem with most deltas, gammas or MGTOW (mostly the same thing), they are so invested in their self-righteous/self-preceived identity that they can't even be honest with themselves. I've had to part ways with a lot of buddies who were holding me back on my journey. We would be out, and they would spot a cute girl and start staring and as soon as I tried to push them to go for it, they would get all defensive, "that's not how you are supposed to do it", "why don't you do it", some would almost get agressive. But on our way home, I'd ask them, "if she had come to you and flirted with you, would you have slept with her?", they are like, "yeah".

Hitting on girls is pretty hard, especially when you were anti-social, shy, introverted, average looking, but what else is there to do, drown in your own complacency and lies. So one has got to start by willing to make a fool out of himself, better himself and listening to the advice. So yeah be aloof, unresponsive and jerkish and have fun along the way.

Unknown said...

"Paramount to what exactly?" C'mon, Earl please try to grow a pair.

Jack Amok said...

This is mind boggling, since most women (and men for that matter) are repulsed by gammas and are incapable of sympathy for them.


Not so mind boggling. A) women don't really know what they like (they lie to themselves because they don't want to admit they like the dark triad), and B) sociopathic men don't want the competition.


Paramount to what exactly?

Mounting a girl with a nice pair, since you asked.

Earl Thomas said...

'Mounting a girl with a nice pair, since you asked.'

What good is it if you mount a girl with a nice pair but lose your soul in the process?

Akulkis said...

In contrast, there's the "Coming from anyone like YOU, that's a compliment." ... which I always meant as being "If YOU say what I'm doing is wrong, then I must be right." -- it's throwing the insult back at the insult-giver.

Akulkis said...

Earl.... did that happen to you?

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