No, your mere company isn't enough

Yesterday, Eliza expressed some distinct surprise at the idea that men might not be interested in her company outside of sex. I suspect this is a not uncommon view among women, who fail to understand how very little interest the average man has in the company of women outside of the potential sexual aspects of the interaction.

Let me see if I can put it in terms women might understand. Do you know how little interest boys have in girls before they hit puberty? That is about how much non-sexual interest most men have in women. Not because women have cooties, not because men are misogynistic, but because men have absolutely no interest in the subjects that fascinate most women and tend to find the female forms of conversation circuitous and tedious.

Consider how much interest you would have in listening to me, or any man, discussing a 500-page rulebook that delves into great detail concerning the armor and light machine gun armaments of WWII-era Polish tanks. Or analyzing the ideal killing zones in the Call of Duty airport map. Or defending the case that Fran Tarkenton, and not Ken Stabler, was the best quarterback in the league in 1976.

(Don't pretend any of these things actually interest you. It may surprise you, but men see through your attempts to stake out a claim to be "gamer girl" or a "real NFL fan" or a "serious muscle car buff", most simply pretend otherwise out of either an acknowledgement for the gesture you're making or sexual interest. As it is said by a certain pop band, "boys will laugh at girls when they're not funny". Guess why?)

For most men, spending time in the company of women means sitting there in silence, with a tight, polite smile on your face, occasionally exchanging "kill me now" glances with the other men in the vicinity. Don't take my word for it, test it out for yourself. The next time you're in mixed company, try to count the rough amount of time that the women spend talking versus the amount that the men talk. In most cases, the ratio is 80-20, and not infrequently, higher.

This isn't always the case, of course, I am familiar with a few exceptions myself, but it is the general rule I have observed over the course of three decades. For some reason, it has been deemed the social norm for women to dominate the mixed discourse with the topics of interest to them, but rude for men to speak about their interests in mixed company. And yet, observe a group of men and you will see that they are perfectly capable of engaging in lively, dynamic conversations... just not about subjects of zero interest to them.

It's not a question of intellect or education either. In my experience, highly educated women are the worst, as they tend to have less interest in discussing any specific issue per se than proving to everyone that they are at least familiar with even the most esoteric subjects. If you find yourself in conversation with a highly educated woman, entertain yourself by making up something ridiculous, like the Nemean Dialogues of Socrates, the Decepticon of Ovid, or Lord Byron's epic poem, The Walrus and the Butterfly. More often than not, a highly educated woman will not only claim to be familiar with these nonexistent works, but will actually claim to have read them in college for one class or another.

(NB: Some men will do it too, usually Alphas or Gammas. The hardest part will be keeping a straight face, especially if you ask them to clarify a point or two for you that you've found difficult to understand. What did Byron really signify by the Walrus? I mean, the reference to England's sea power is obvious, but since the Butterfly represents the female spirit, what is the deeper meaning?)

Anyhow, the point is that outside of sex, women aren't very interested in men and their interests and men have even less interest in women and theirs. It is a simple and straightforward observation, there is nothing wrong with this perfectly normal state of affairs, and the better you understand it, the more easily you will get along with the opposite sex.